The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[sv_pelagia]

Gord: there was no USA flag on $2 bill... jokes on you
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/red-ensign-scare/

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by sv_pelagia

Gord: there was no USA flag on $2 bill... jokes on you
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/red-ensign-scare/

The joke's on the author [I'm not] of the list, that I posted [#4704]
Good catch, though.

[GordMay]

There were two avid sailors, both proud of their well-kept boats (the "Tuning Fork" and the "Robert Frost", respectively).
In all ways, they were evenly matched, as able sailors except, when it came to braiding rope.
Not that the Tuning fork’s captain’s braids were deficient, but the other had a flair, when it came to braiding, and couldn't help but show off his fancy skills.
It happened one time, that both boats needed new anchors lines.
The first sailor [Tuning Fork] tied an adequate braid into the rope, to secure his boat's anchor; while the other [Robert Frost] couldn't help but make his a tad fancy, with decorative tassels, here and there, in the braid.
All was well, until a powerful storm swept through the bay.
The tassels, it turned out, were detrimentally weakened by salt water, and the braid failed.
The ‘Robert Frost’ broke free of its anchor, and was battered to pieces, by the surf, against the shore; which leads to the moral of the story:

“When given a choice between two rodes, always choose the rode less tasseled.”

[boatman61]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OTFnJQCNC9g

[carstenb]

Food for thought

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everythng seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scard half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarsm; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

[GordMay]

Why do dogs always race to the door, when the doorbell rings?
It's almost never for them.


This morning, I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone, outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went outside, with curiosity, and saw that the idiot ...
Was selling chairs.


I'm not too thrilled, that my wife is into bondage.
But, my hands are tied.

[Damir36]

the couple had two very beautiful kids then got a third kid that was very ugly. The man said to his wife: look at this kid, you cheated on me...
Then she said:"No, not this time"!
:-)

[GordMay]

Q: What do you call a pirate ship, after the crew commits mutiny?
A: A Crew's-ship

Q: What do mutiny, and an orgasm, have in common?
A: A sudden surge of seamen.

Q: What’s the price for mutiny, in the sub atomic realm?
A: Walking the Planck.

[GordMay]

I read about a feudal uprising, where a duke's son was killed, by rebels.
They used a trebuchet, to knock him off the battlements, with the only available ordinance: a peasant's decapitated head.

It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.

[GordMay]

Ten years ago I went cruising, on Lake superior, and my wife got pregnant.
Two years later, I went cruising, on Lake superior, and my wife got pregnant, again.
After that, when I went cruising, I decide to take my wife, with me.


Yesterday my wife dreamed that I was unfaithful.
So, I cheated on her, because I want to fulfill all of her dreams.

[Montanan]

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1714539844

[Jon Hacking]

Uncle Bob, we're trying to keep this thread non-political, lest it be nuked (like all the others). This sort of post can set off lots of political (non-joke) comments. Please refrain.

[GordMay]

Speaking of politics:

I have degrees in psychology, economics, and politics.
I don't have a job; but at least, I know why.

Politics is like driving:
No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you, is a maniac; and anyone going slower, is a moron.

Q: Why are politicians like sperm?
A: Only one in a million, turns out to be a human being.

Q: How many politicians does it take, to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to screw it up, and one to screw an intern.

Q: What do you call a politician, with a clear conscience?
A: An Alzheimer's patient.

[GordMay]

Instructions on how to make money, with your Facebook account:
1. Open settings.
2. Delete your account.
3. Start working.

Want to make $$$$ fast?
Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key.
2. Press the number 4, four times.
It's that easy!