Never Give Up!

[Celestialsailor]

I write this story with great reluctance but I realize only because of my pride or ego. As some of you may know, prior to “Trust”, my newly acquired Rawson 30 Pilothouse, I use to have (or married to) “Faiaoahe”, an Ingrid 38 ketch. Last year (2008) after a 3 year major renovation. John (SkiprJohn), a mutual friend Robert and myself set off from San Francisco Bay, in June, bound for my home in Hawaii. The plan was to moor her out in Reeds Bay for 8 months, finishing the refit, then off west for further adventures. But fate was not to allow it.
We had been watching the tropical systems building off the coast of Mexico for a few weeks but none of them amounted to anything and quickly fell apart. There was some weather on the way and we felt it prudent to take off and duck underneath it. Where the winds are normally from the North in California, we found them to be out of the south. A few days and about 300 miles south and almost 100 miles offshore, we found ourselves in 18 ft seas and 40+ knot winds. Nothing the boat couldn’t handle but what concerned me was where was it coming from. Unfortunately tuning into WWV on the ham was fruitless as the propagation was in a downturn cycle. At the height of it, at 5am., Robert, on watch, shouted down that something had broken forward. We had 50% of the jib rolled out and she was still making 7+ knot. I came up to find the boom lying on deck. In my foulies and in "secure the boat mode", I crawled up the deck to the base of the mast where I found the gooseneck tore out of the Sitka spruce mast with the gooseneck track still retaining all 7 of the 3/8” lags that had once secured it. It was at that moment I realized I had forgot my safety harness in my hurry to check the situation out. It was pitch black and everything had to be done by feel.
As the waves pummeled over the decks, I found myself with my legs wrapped around the mast for security while I groped around feeling for a spare line to secure the boom so it would not damage the boat or worst, hurt someone. As I was tying the boom off to a hand hold, a particularly large wave ripped me free and flooded me 4 feet down the cabin top. Luckily I was able to secure it well enough until first light.
Although my crew was up for continuing, I wasn’t. We were early in the trip and without a boom. All I could think of was what’s next and where was this weather coming from and would it get worst? I wanted us to play it safe and we turned around and headed into Moss Landing where I knew people and could affect repairs. When we finally made it in, we learned that as soon as we had left San Fran, that two tropical depressions had formed and moved offshore…tropical depression “Boris” and tropical depression “Douglass”. Hence the weather. Hurricane season was upon us and I scrubbed the attempt for the crossing.
I had not been feeling good, I had felt that my energy had been zapped the last few months of the refit and I had developed a slight wheeze while in San Francisco. I blamed it on the fires that had been in the area and pushed on. Robert had told me that if I wanted to sell the boat, that he knew of a couple back in Hawaii that were looking for a boat outfitted like “Faiaoahe”. The boat was sold 4 days later and a week after that found me back home, tired and back working on the house.
I had been wanting to go cruising all my life. As with most of us, we have obligations in our lives…careers, children, depts and so on. But I never lost sight of the dream. “Faiaoahe” had always felt like a burden to me. I loved the boat but she was a handful to single hand. In my 30’s, this would not have been a problem but I was in my mid 50’s and could not bounce back like I once did. I knew if I wanted to single hand again, I needed a smaller vessel.
Two weeks after being back and working on my new shop at the house, I began to feel more and more worn down. I was moving wheelbarrows full of rock while building the shop and found myself having to take more breaks as my body felt like it was seizing up. At this point I will tell you that I had a heart attack in 2000 and the symptoms were somewhat the same. I will also tell you that I am the master of denial. I chose to lay in bed and try to sleep. Luckily an old flame came by and insisted I get checked out. Reluctantly, I did. It was another heart attack.
Here is where the story becomes interesting. Welcome to the “Peoples Republic of Hawaii”. NO CARDIAC CARE!!! They talk about the golden hour during the course of a heart attack. This is the time you are suppose to get help in order not to do too much damage or worst…It took 5 days and flying to another Island to finally get help. Remember, during the 5 days I was going through immense chest pains and white as a ghost. I was definitely in survival mode. I will also add that during this event my Father past away. As a matter of fact, the day before my surgery. It was a low point in my life to be sure.
So here I am, almost 10 months later. I have sold my house. As a matter of fact the 3 set of folks that looked at it had to have it. I feel fortunate. I fly out of here 5/26 and will stay aboard “Trust” my beloved Pilothouse. I have not lost the dream. The dream keeps me strong…keeps me going. For me cruising starts with the dream. The dream turns into action and action eventually turns into circumstance. I am living my life the way I want to. I have no regrets and I have no doubts. There was some damage during this event and I feel it everyday. Of course when people ask how I am I tell them “fine”. I will be back in California to be closer to medical care if needed and to team up with my old Cardiologist who knows me and his trade. Perhaps together we can see how things really are with my health. One thing I have been told and believe is that it is not a matter of if I will have another event but when.
Since the first time this happened in 2000, I always knew that life is a gift and everyday we have to live life the way we know is best for us. This gives me a certain amount of freedom. Recently I was introduced to the book, “Sailing Grace”. A story similar to mine.
My message to everyone is not to give up…never. Loose the dream and you might as well loose your life because you just lost your freedom. Your dreams may be feeble, lacking in direction but everyday that you nurture that dream you build upon it the foundation of your knew found freedom. There are many nay-sayers that will mock your attempts. They can’t see your dream, only you can. Never give up!
Many people have been instrumental in my life and most recently Maxingout. Through his postings and personal conversations he and I have had, I continue to push forward on the path I know I am suppose to be on. Many thanks to everyone who posts here...Martin (AKA Celestialsailor)

[SkiprJohn]

It has truly been a pleasure sailing with you Martin. May blessings always come your way in the future.
Your crew,
JohnL

[Allan S]

Fantastic post Sailor. It sure puts ones priorities in place doesn't it? All our 'gather this', get that', 'must have it' life style doesn't count for much in the big scheme of things does it?
That is why regardless of the circumstances, I am not working after 55. By then I will have no debts, two small pensions and my friggin' diabetes will be well under control. We will have a cruiser that we will sail to end of days,(our end of days, not the planets...lol).
Again, it was an inspiring post. Good luck to you....Allan

[GordMay]

Well done, and well said, Martin.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
~ Confucius

[jimking100]

Thanks for the post Martin. I too had a heart attack (2006) and this helped me to start working on my dream (to get out there). Your situation helped re-inspire and understand there are kindred spirits out there. Best of luck.
jim

[scotte]

Martin, we met you and your crew when you visited Oyster Point in SSF for a shakedown cruise before heading out the gate - our cat was just a few slips down from the end tie. I was wondering what became of you and Faiaoahe. It's good to hear an update that you are ultimately well and hope to cross paths with you again sometime in the future! Staying positive and moving forward is a great mental attitude, something we can all learn from!

[Celestialsailor]

Thank you scotte. Thank you for lending a hand when we were trying to dock in that wind. I think you had the Jack Russell on board...So much fun.
Thank you everyone for the kind words. This forum is absolutely the best! The folks who bought "Faiaoahe" (Fayaway), sailed here to Mexico and are now anchored in Reeds Bay here...ironic! I see her out in the bay and smile that she is bringing happiness to someone and that all my hard work is holding up. When I bought her, she was a mess. When it rained outside, it rained inside the boat. I feel I gave her a second shot at life as I have also had. For me there is an emotional attachment to your vessel. They become alive when we work on them and in return they nurture us back. This is something I feel most landlubbers will never understand.

[maxingout]

One of my friends had a heart problem that required five vessel bypass surgery before he set sail. I met him at the start of my circumnavigation in the Panama Canal. We sailed across the Pacific together and saw him and his wife many times on our transpacific voyage. After the South Pacific, we sailed on around the world, but he opted to cruise in the South Pacific for the next thirteen years with his wife. Both of them had health problems, but it did not stop them from cruising. He told me that he could sail to a new island in the Pacific every week and never run out of islands to visit. Fiji alone has hundred of islands. They chose to follow their dreams of sailing in the South Pacific.

Over the years I have known many people with serious health issues that continued sailing their dreams, and most of them had a great experience. Less stress and more enjoyment are great healers.

When I had two broken legs, five broken ribs, and a punctured lung after a car accident in New Zealand, it would have been easy, even prudent, to listen to the voice of discouragement and fear, and abandon my voyage around the world. Many times it appears that life conspires against our dreams. Nevertheless, we still get to choose whether we will move ahead with our dreams.

As I get older, I get more careful, but I don't surrender my dreams. I've got an eighteen year old mind and a sixty year old body that's less forgiving to my mistakes. That being said, I would rather die living my dreams than have to live with regrets.

Life is a balance between risk and regrets. I don't want to shorten my life by taking stupid and unreasonable risks. At the same time, I don't want trudge through a very long life carrying a backpack full of regrets.

Lightning bolts, rogue waves, floating containers, tsunamis, and heart attacks are all dream stealers if we let them control our life. Life gives us unlimited opportunities to surrender our dreams.

I want sail again through the South Pacific to Australia, and I want to drive my Land Rover Defenders around the world. I'm not too worried about dying, but I am worried about living before I die.

The voices of fear and limitation are relentless dream stealers, and every day I have to choose whether I will listen to their message of doom and gloom, or whether I will listen to my dreams. Every day I have to choose my dreams.

[scook1]

What a cool story! Thanks for inspiring me through your dream and persistence. I pray that all continues to go well for you sailor.

[slomotion]

Martin? ............. Nah, you will always be Celestialsailor.

Go get ‘em. And,

Fair Winds

[Celestialsailor]

Thank you for all the kind words. Slept onboard last night and slept like a baby. Sure is true..."Home is where the heart is".

[maxingout]

I always slept good on my boat - better than in any house. I'm not sure why that is.

Maybe it's easier to sleep soundly when you are living your dreams. And maybe because you are so tired from doing things that you enjoy and that you want to do.

[shadow]

Great story and advice Martin!! Great to hear that you are on track and in much better health and spirits!! Keep on coasting!!

[Pelagic]

Martin…you stupid bugger!

Daring to live life to the fullest when so many people of obvious intelligence….are probably advising you to slow down an act your age.

Yet somehow I actually question whose heart may lacking because from what I read above…there is nothing wrong with yours, that a tune-up wouldn’t fix.

All the best and if you ever do make it out west, there is a cold one waiting for you in the Philippines!:cubalibre

[imagine2frolic]

Martin,

Thanks for sharing with us all. I think many of us here up in years were raised a certain way. You get up, dust yourself off, and carry on. It's obvious you have LOTS of heart!....carry on.......i2f