Dealing with parents disagreement

[Giro]

At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, whether we like it or not, years do matter. If you are 17 years old, I’d say you should probably listen a little more closely to what your parents have to say. If you’re 50 and most all of the people who really know you think you’ve got your head screwed on right, well that’s another story.

[Shaneesprit]

Sounds like a great plan - didn’t catch your age but have fun, sorry parents but you will have to get over it.

If it all fails at some point at least you will of tried it, if my kids said they were going and sounded Like they had a plan I would be, very happy for them. Even if it scared me.

Wish I had more time to sail, so go before you end up with a Mortgage.

Oh and have fun

[Cap.George]

Dear Andrada,

Sound like my life, I never have been approved by my parents in law. No degree, not a doctor and not rich
I meet my wife in the early age of twenty, together we build the boat during 8 years, as greenhorns we we left our country, sailed for 18 years around the world and finaly moored for the last time, sold the boat and start our shore live.

Do I miss sailing, yes and no. I miss the freedom, the liberty. But I am happy to just turn around in my bed during a thunderstorm, I enjoy to sleep without thinking I have soon a shift of a night watch.
Would I go again, yes, would I go no now, no, I have seen it, I been there, it's enough.

I have seen places no tourist will ever see, you travel much closer "inside" to a country as you ever would as tourist. But I have to admit, I also **** on several occasions in my pans and asking my self "why the heck I am here"! But for nothing in the world I would like to miss our 18 years traveling by boat. Never. After all it was great and you will have so many friends from all over the world, it's simply an amazing community out there waiting for you.

Now to you main question: you live your own life, not the one that your parents think you have too or had in their mind you should. They can approve it or not, it's your life. So many times parents are dissapointed when children are not willing to take over the business of their parents. But it was their dream to run a particular business, not of their kids!

Now I am almost sixty, having two kids on my own (10 and 12) and is my task to prepare them for life, I receveived them as a gift (or a curse, not sure yet ) but I don't own them. One day they will go they own way and I have to let them go.
Will they make mistakes and learn from it, I hope so!
Will they stand up again, doesn't matter what, I hope so!

You don't acutally need their approval. And if they will go mad, with the same face they will go happy again. I would say: "Mama, it's my live, not yours. I 'll follow my dreams, not yours. Is it dangerous, not more then crossing a street of boarding an aircraft (particulary in your country). But the main thing is, it's MY DREAM."

Can you live from running Charterboat, mostlikely not (Search "Creme Caravelle" (Italy) , they do it ) Luciano and Sonja
But 100 other could not. I have seen too many that could not.

My advice = KIS = Keep it simple
The boat 10-12m is not too expensive, could be handled from two, everything ist cheaper (smaller) and easier to handle, a charterboat should be 14m plus - equals to more expensive, double heavy/cost (ancor, chain, sails, mooring, harbor fees, hauling). As you can work abroad online, choose rather this way then charter (legals differ in each country, makes it more difficult).

In short: approved or not, life your life and go, it's worth it

George

[NandaBLR]

I think you should follow your dreams, your parents will be fine when they see it working good. I recently moved to my boat, I have many older friends around telling me they wish they had done it before, when they were younger... And after all, we can always change if it doesn’t work or if we get tired of it (I don’t think I will ever get tired of Sailing...). You will need a lot of patience with your parents, you can try to introduce then to the boat world and for doing so you must learn the most you can! So they will know it’s way safer than it looks!

[Mbenjamin]

Ha! I wonder if anyone on this post has a Jewish Mother. They are notorious as THE experts on projecting guilt. My wife and I sold everything and moved aboard 3 years and 15,000 nautical miles ago and just last week had to endure another round of “how could you abandon me!” It never ends. As was said above, it’s your life and you only get one shot at it, live it. No regrets.

[polbndr]

This too shall pass. Most cruisers go through this with family and friends. It's is because they love you and don't have enough information about what you are going to do to feel secure and that you are safe. Don't take it personal.

To be fair to those who love you, start involving them in your sailing education. There is a lot they will not understand when you are telling them all about it, but when they see how much you know about it, that will help with their confidence in you and your skills.
Don't go into details of "scary" situations. That is a really bad idea. You can share those things with other cruisers/sailors but not with your landlubber friends/family. It should be obvious as to why.
Cruising life will change you in ways you can't imagine. All the people you meet from all walks of life, to the foreign lands and their customs. The environment and trash in the ocean was a big one for us.

Water and its value to many in the world was also a big one. When you travel a mile over rough water to fill your containers and then return over the same rough water back to the boat to refill your tanks, you value every drop going into the tank and cry over the drops you spill. We have had to pay up to $1 a gallon for some, and you become VERY conservative very quickly.
The learning curve is a line that never falls as you will learn your entire sailing life. Never a day the same and always something new to learn (or learn to fix). Enjoy every minute as it will pass in the blink of an eye.
Just remember to Stay Safe Out There S/V It'll Be All Right

[MicHughV]

looking back, I started building my boat when I was in my mid 20's. At that age, I was fearless and was going to live forever.
Health insurance, a pile of money in the bank, a fancy car, etc, meant squat to me.
If I had $10 in my pocket I was " rich".
I left on my trip with a scant few hundred dollars in my pocket...and that was it.There was no reserve fund. I fished and dived, worked on other boats, did some day-chartering, etc, and always had " just enough". I managed to survive just fine for years and years....my boat had little in the way of creature comforts, electronic navigational tools, a/c and all the other doodads, but I had the time of my life, truly some of the best years of my life.

There will always be, as was in my case, the fear mongers warning me about the perils of the high sea, etc...but I think deep down they were wishing they had the gonads to do what I was doing.

Go for it !!!

[SV Delia]

If you are buying an old boat like I did be aware that you can easily spend more on repairs than what you paid for the boat. Following a dream can be a good thing but do have a plan. As to what to do about your parents how old you are would be a fair question. They want the best for you and want to keep you safe. Whatever you decide to do keep your relationship with them strong. They won’t be around forever. Good luck!

[Stu Jackson]

Originally Posted by Mbenjamin

Ha! I wonder if anyone on this post has a Jewish Mother. They are notorious as THE experts on projecting guilt. My wife and I sold everything and moved aboard 3 years and 15,000 nautical miles ago and just last week had to endure another round of “how could you abandon me!” It never ends. As was said above, it’s your life and you only get one shot at it, live it. No regrets.

Oh, yes.
While I didn't get a boat (yet), in 1975 I moved to Iran. Mom was not amused. When we came back to the States in 1978, with our daughter who'd been born in Iran, I thought she'd be happy. Nope. So we moved to San Francisco. The night before we came home, she passed away in her sleep. I'm sure she did it out of spite. Biggest guilt trip she could throw!

[onestepcsy37]

if you have to ask mommy and daddy you probably shouldn't be going.

[thataway41]

Andrada,
You and your boy friend have a reasonable plan--but some parts need to be emphasized. First you should be able to sail and navigate as well as he does. You both need to develop mechanical and repair skills, if you truly want to voyage. Also don't under estimate the total costs of owning a boat. The initial cost, especially if it is an older boat, are minimal, in comparison to what is necessary to have the boat in condition for cruising distances.

You also need other skills, such as first aid and medical. You will want communication--one of the cheap satellite systems, if you are going off the grid areas. That way you can let the parents know that all is OK, and what fun (and challenges you overcome). Yes, some boats are lost, and a few people die cruising--a very very few. Pirates: stay away from dangerous areas. 98% of the World is safe. Storms: I have friends who have circumnavigated 3x and never had winds over 50 knots--ever.

My parents worried and advised against my wife and I going cruising (selling everything, quitting our jobs,). My partners thought I was crazy. I was 45 and my wife was 36. I had already sailed over 50,000 miles offshore, navigated to Hawaii (racing as Watch Captain--before electronic navigation) and I had been skippering boats for over 30 years... My wife had become a proficient navigator, sailor, good mechanic and repair person (we had built a 38' boat together). We communicated with our parents frequently--then it was Ham radio and letters, with a rare phone call. They eventually developed confidence in our abilities. Parents will always worry.

I think your plan is good. My only question is the charter part of the plan. There are a few who are cut out to be host and hostess and take unknown people onto their very confined spaces. But it is difficult unless you are a certain type of outgoing person. Also if you are going to charter, you will want an entirely type of boat. I have lived aboard 13 years (I first bought a boat to live aboard when I was 27 years old) --we have cruised over 80,000 miles over a period of 8 years.

Write out a plan--estimate costs and income. Look at lots of boats---not just one. Sail on other's boats. If you have to move to get the experience: do it. You only live life once or so they say! I am 83 and never regretted one moment I sailed or cruised.

[PLANET EXPRESS]

Bad ideals don’t you just love them!! Follow your dreams good or bad you only get one chance at life.

[LauraleeG]

Speaking as a child of bossy controlling family- I get it. Takes courage to stand up to them. I dole out information on a need to know basis. I have big plans with my boat. Do I share them? No way! Baby steps.
Step 1) I am buying a boat!
Step 2) I am visiting the boat this weekend!!
Step 3) I am sailing for a week or two, be back soon
And so on.... as they get used to it, everyone just calms down and the drama is short lived.
Telling my folks anything of my big plans brings way more drama than I am interested in right now.
Pace yourself with them.
Resist the urge to share your excitement with them- your dreams will be squashed. Who needs that?
At the end of the day- it’s your life. Do what you want. Just make sure you pay for it and never ask them for a dime to help you.
Just my two cents.

[MicHughV]

chartering requires a special type of person and I quickly discovered I was not one of them. From time to time, I would " day charter" ie, I would meet some vacationers at a bar and take them out the following day for a day sail for a small fee.
Charterers, having paid you some money tend to think they now own you and your boat...throw in a few drinks, sometimes a lot, and a situation can turn volatile quickly...so consider this a fair warning...dealing with a drunk charterer can escalate rather quickly if you don't have the right personality.

[cndcruiser]

Check out https://jackandjude.com/ for a lifetime of experience and inspiration. Also https://sailing-lavagabonde.com/ and many others who have chosen a lifestyle afloat.