Meeting people while cruising...

[flymike]

If you're flying a Looper flag, or if you see ours, that's an open invitation for "docktails" any time any where. We've only met the nicest people and they've stayed friends over the years.

[drewm3i]

Originally Posted by Saleen411

My favorite was the german couple that dingied over after we anchored.

HE was very friendly, SHE was very topless with huge hooties and a big smile. And no we weren't in the Med.

Honestly, we wanted to invite them aboard but were a bit uncomfortable. What if they were swingers? hahaha

Anyway, nice friendly chat and they moved on.

That was us, sorry it made you uncomfortable!

[boatingnewbie]

What an awesome thread! Thanks, everyone, for their great comments & suggestions!

After I posted this I was afraid someone was going to reply with something snarky like, "It's the same as on land, if you have trouble making new friends there you might as well stay off the water."

This thread is proof that the cruising/boating community is DIFFERENT from a cultural standpoint (which I had heard about for many years).

I think it's sad today that, at least in the US, so many cities have lost that COMMUNITY. It certainly exists in little pockets and all cities/towns aren't the same, but from my own personal experience it seems like community is really lacking in most of the US... and maybe that's a trend in other countries as well...

I lived in a nice neighborhood for a few years in Florida, and when I first moved in I went door-to-door to the 10-12 houses closest to mine just to say "hello" and introduce myself. I was amazed at how SHOCKED people were that someone would even stop by to say hello.

And for a few years while I lived in that neighborhood, most of the neighbors didn't really talk to each other. Not once did I have someone new to the neighborhood ever knock on MY door to introduce themselves.

I've also seen this lack of friendliness and community on land in many other areas I've live in as well. I think it's just a sad, and growing trend where so many people just keep to themselves and think it has to be them against the world.

So it's very nice to hear that the cruising community is almost the opposite of this in many ways; and maybe that's one of the big reasons people are drawn to it. It's like a 'secret society' of sorts with people living by their own rules, having more FREEDOM, and dare I say it... just living a HAPPIER life.

And it makes sense as well... cruising can have its dangers & safety concerns, stuff on boats often break, and it's an environment where one can't be afraid to ASK FOR HELP and to rely on others; which is usually the opposite on land.

Thanks again for all the great comments! Keep 'em coming.

[Steve Bean]

I've found it much easier to meet people in an anchorage if I'm rowing my dinghy rather than motoring.

[Group9]

It was a funny way we met a couple who became our best friends in the Bahamas a few years ago. We were sitting at a bar, and saw them walk by and mistook them for a couple we had met a couple of weeks before. We called out to them, told them to come over and have a beer with us. As they sat down, we realized we had no idea who they were. After sitting and talking for a minute, they finally asked, "Who are you?".

We became really good friends and did a lot together. We still text and keep up occassionally.

One thing we learned after our first cruise was to carry boat cards (or we call them nerd cards) that have our picture, name, phone number and our boat on them. It makes it easy to hand to people you meet when no one has a pen or paper.

[Lepke]

It's too easy. Especially people that board my boat uninvited. All my "cherished friends" are dead. Some people like quiet or scenery without people. Although the German couple would be welcome and considered acceptable scenery.
Most new people I meet are in need of help. Totally unprepared for where they are - Aleutian Islands, Bering Sea. Usually they managed to drain all their batteries, can't start their engine, have no fuel, water, food, beer, you name it. And I help. Always glad to see them disappear over the horizon.

[Dockhead]

One of the best things about cruising!! Seriously, if what we do is about exploring new places, bringing our homes with us as we do it, then what is more significant about new places, than the people you find in them?





One important aspect of it, however, is that the more crowded and popular the cruising ground, the less meaningful will be the new acquaintances.


The more off the beaten track you get, the more amazing will be the human encounters along the way.


As far as the question of "how to do it" goes -- it's like meeting people anywhere. If you're shy or afraid of striking up a conversation, you won't get far. Just throw off the inhibitions, and talk to people. Invite them over for drinks. Hardly anyone refuses, no matter how unlikely the invitation or fleeting the acquaintance which preceded it. This applies both to other cruisers, and to locals you run into along the way. The worst that can happen is that you spend some time in the company of a new person and learn something about his or her life and views. But in the best case there will be a spark, and you will make a new friend.


In short -- inhibitions are the enemy. Inhibitions -- fear of rejection, fear of trespassing, fear. Throw them off; fear not. Talk to people. An absolutely key point not just for cruising, but for life.

[Dockhead]

Originally Posted by Lepke

It's too easy. Especially people that board my boat uninvited. All my "cherished friends" are dead. Some people like quiet or scenery without people. Although the German couple would be welcome and considered acceptable scenery.
Most new people I meet are in need of help. Totally unprepared for where they are - Aleutian Islands, Bering Sea. Usually they managed to drain all their batteries, can't start their engine, have no fuel, water, food, beer, you name it. And I help. Always glad to see them disappear over the horizon.

There is a parable about this, which more or less boils down to, more or less -- you'll meet almost always, that which you expect.


"A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.

"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.


"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."


"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.


Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.


Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.


"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.


"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."


"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

[billgewater]

Jim and Ann on "Insatiable" II. Hi! So what's the problems with Southport? Were your experiences there common among the cruising folk you met there?
Many Queenslanders (banana benders) end sentences with "Eh?" As in "Where's me bluddy boat, eh?" or, "Me boat's bigger than yours, eh."
This passes for Queensland cultural identity in some places. Were your visitors undecipherable? Was this your source of concern?

[Nikki S]

Yes to all your questions, plus meet them on the beach, say hello and potentially strike up a conversation as you pass them in your tender on the way back to your boat in an anchorage, and through wonderful facebook groups like women who sail and kids4sail. Then there is the friends of your new friends....

[picklesandjesse]

Originally Posted by boatingnewbie

What an awesome thread! Thanks, everyone, for their great comments & suggestions!

After I posted this I was afraid someone was going to reply with something snarky like, "It's the same as on land, if you have trouble making new friends there you might as well stay off the water."

This thread is proof that the cruising/boating community is DIFFERENT from a cultural standpoint (which I had heard about for many years).

I think it's sad today that, at least in the US, so many cities have lost that COMMUNITY. It certainly exists in little pockets and all cities/towns aren't the same, but from my own personal experience it seems like community is really lacking in most of the US... and maybe that's a trend in other countries as well...

I lived in a nice neighborhood for a few years in Florida, and when I first moved in I went door-to-door to the 10-12 houses closest to mine just to say "hello" and introduce myself. I was amazed at how SHOCKED people were that someone would even stop by to say hello.

And for a few years while I lived in that neighborhood, most of the neighbors didn't really talk to each other. Not once did I have someone new to the neighborhood ever knock on MY door to introduce themselves.

I've also seen this lack of friendliness and community on land in many other areas I've live in as well. I think it's just a sad, and growing trend where so many people just keep to themselves and think it has to be them against the world.

So it's very nice to hear that the cruising community is almost the opposite of this in many ways; and maybe that's one of the big reasons people are drawn to it. It's like a 'secret society' of sorts with people living by their own rules, having more FREEDOM, and dare I say it... just living a HAPPIER life.

And it makes sense as well... cruising can have its dangers & safety concerns, stuff on boats often break, and it's an environment where one can't be afraid to ASK FOR HELP and to rely on others; which is usually the opposite on land.

Thanks again for all the great comments! Keep 'em coming.

Where I live in Australia in Northern NSW everyone speaks to each other in the street. We never lock our house. Population is 450 people though. It's a very small place and things are like they used to be but sadly most towns here are not like that anymore. Inland I'm sure that it would be different.

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by billgewater

Jim and Ann on "Insatiable" II. Hi! So what's the problems with Southport? Were your experiences there common among the cruising folk you met there?
Many Queenslanders (banana benders) end sentences with "Eh?" As in "Where's me bluddy boat, eh?" or, "Me boat's bigger than yours, eh."
This passes for Queensland cultural identity in some places. Were your visitors undecipherable? Was this your source of concern?

I'm not sure what "eh" has to do with the subject, (and I thought the use of that terminator was restricted to Canadians) but my antipathy towards Southport and the Gold Coast area in general has to do with the proliferation of ignorant and aggressive boaters in large Riviera m/y, fleets of jet skis, "thrill rides" full of tourists slaloming through the anchorages, helicopters passing low overhead every few minutes, paraglide boats dangling their customers dangerously low over other boats, and a general Las Vegas style hype about everything in sight. The ghastly skyline is aesthetically repugnant as you sail up the coast as well, but I guess some folks like such. For me, it spoils the view of the attractive hinterland hills behind the bay.

About the only thing I do like is the hot air balloons floating about in the early mornings... oh, and the dinghy dock for the Runaway Bay shopping mall, where you can bring your trolley full of provisions right to the dink... way cool! And too, the Southport YC has kindly lent us a berth for dealing with Customs clearance several times... that was nice treatment for a visitor.

And finally, I have no problem with understanding spoken Stryne, even with the local accent in Queensland. I do find it odd that those folks accuse ME of having an accent!

Jim

[JPA Cate]

Jim is our ambassador. He's a good schmoozer.

I think, the least threatening invitation to total strangers is to come over for a cuppa. We have coffee, black tea, green tea, and herb tea, and some cookies to offer. But it is such a small invitation that it is easy to accept and confers no obligation on the recipient.

With any invitation, it is necessary for me to understand beforehand that they may have other arrangements, and that's okay, just like it's okay to not invite someone aboard if you're in the middle of a job, even when you're normally good friends. Mostly this is understood by experienced cruisers.

I would agree with Dockhead, though, that the closer to the end of the road you get, the friendlier the people are. And, you get what you expect.

Ann

[alansmith]

I found it is so easy to get a boat guy talking about his/her boat. “Wow, how many coats of Interlux did you put on before u roll and tipped her?” Or how did you set up your controller for the solar and wind gen. Man, u need to be careful sometimes on what to ask if u ain’t got the time to listen.��

Also a couple of beers and time to help with a project can really make interesting discussions. You can pick up a lot of useful information in a boat yard.

Trust me... I can’t think of any group easier to talk to.... well sport bike geeks like me also love to talk bikes and upgrades for hours. Have fun. Have respect for another person and they will give it back in spades.

[rbk]

Originally Posted by akprb

Jim got it right ;-)

Remembering names is a valuable skill.

We just go by and say hi. No more complicated than that. Generally a question or compliment and listen.

The last one most important. Listen more than you share.

I will say to this day I talk with friends met cruising almost daily even though currently stuck in Alaska :-)

Great question :-) You might like “The Table” on our blog.

Where in Alaska are you stuck?

Also, sometimes as cheesy as they are (no offence intended) boat cards are very handy to remember other cruisers. Sad to say but half (read as 90%) the time I remember the boat, not the crew