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seagypsy15 · 30-01-2009, 10:43

You are a very wise person, thanks for the words of wisdom and understanding.

rtbates · 30-01-2009, 11:29

The Latts&Atts forum has a singles section that you might want to visit. View Forum - Sailing Singles : Cruisers Forum : Latitudes & Attitudes Magazine

As does the Renegades Cruisers forum
Renegade Cruisers • View forum - Singles

good luck

nautical62 · 30-01-2009, 13:02

A few thougths on boat owners wanting "crew" to bring something the table or being "free loaders."

This is my outlook and I'm not claming anyone else's is any less valid:

My first cruise on my own boat was a summer spent sailing Lake Superior, mostly solo. I had been on my own for many days when I met a cruising couple in Grand Marais, MN. Now my experince to date had been most cruising couples treat single cruisers like the plauge, but this couple was very nice and ended up asking me to join them for a dinner out. Over dinner we had great discussions about places they had been and they were curious to hear my reactions to cruising solo. When the dinner check arrived, I offered to pay, but they insisted on picking it up. I said I was the solo traveler and their company meant very much to me and picking up the tab was the least I could do. Their response was: "Someday when you are more experienced, you'll have the opportunity to help out a beginning cruiser. Pay us back by doing so." (I think that they could afford a new 200K boat while I was in a 10K pocket cruiser may have affected their generosity as well.)

And so, I do help other people out when I can. I'm also a teacher by nature and by profession, so to me it's little burden to share what I know when I can. When people join me cruising, the gain I get isn't financial. It comes in the form companionship and feeling good about providing an experience to someone else. An experience which for many goes beyond just having a fun trip. I'll also admit, that at times what a part of what some crew bring to the table is at least the possibility it may turn into an LTR. I purchased a boat comfortable for more than just myself, specifically so I can share the experience. It's not much different from why as a single person I have a two-bedroom home and car that seats four. I will admit, I do expect any crew, friend or not, to pay their share of consumables such as food.

Perhaps all boat owners do want people who join them to bring something to the table, but what that something may vary greatly for each of us. What may appear to a be a freeloader to someone else, to me might be the opporunity to share a wonderful cruise with someone and make a new friend instead of sailing solo.

Captn_Black · 30-01-2009, 21:14

Well, I can't say that I'm actively looking for crew, and I really have to know a guy before I could share a boat with him, but I get on fine with women, as long as you don't take offense to me needing 'me' time occasionally, then I would consider an extra hand on-board. Check-out my other posts to see what my plans are and PM me if you like.

Celestialsailor · 31-01-2009, 00:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by radiuschine

If you want to avoid becoming a galley slave or a bunk buddy buy your own boat. Then you can chose your own galley slaves and bunk buddies. I know a woman who is actually doing it!

???Choosing galley slaves and bunk buddies?

**Ex-Calif** · 01-02-2009, 12:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

I've been told I'm somewhat of a rarity - a woman that wants to sail. So why am I not sailing? How do you find a skipper who doesn't just want a galley slave or someone to keep his bed warm? I've tried internet dating sites but there are darn few sailors on there - no doubt because they're off somewhere sailing without me

Quote:

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

I trust you mean that you've seen a message like this one, not my particular message, since this is the first time I've joined any kind of message board. Apparently I've put my note in the wrong forum category - as I said, I'm new to this. Where did I say I'm not interested in becoming the skipper's mate? That would be ideal. I just didn't want sex to be something that would be expected from day one. My friends (male and female, sailors and non sailors) are concerned that this would be the case.

Maybe some of us on CF have been judgemental and borderline rude.

It appears that seagypsy is looking to join the cruising lifestyle, is single and would like to meet someone who who like to know her first before the complications of a physical relationship.

She received anecdotal information that many sailors are looking for a woman for sexual and galley purposes more than for the relationship. I don't know if this is untrue but I do know there are lots of good guys out there.

I think we all got off on the wrong foot.

My humble opinion - meeting sailors is tough because many of them are saililng. Joining a yacht/sailing club is one idea but I don't think you meet lot's of cruising sailors.

MarkJ had interesting advice but I suspect it would be hard to hang around bars in Panama trying to pick up sailors. Somehow that image bothers me - LOL.

So you post on a web forum stating that it is a cruising forum and let it hang out. Unfortunately some people misinterpret your motives and it doesn't go so well.

Anyway, sorry if you got offended. Most everyone here is really nice when you get to know them.

Maybe you could tell us a lilttle more (non-personal) stuff about yourself such as why you've come to the cocnlusion that sailing away is the right next step for your life.

Oh, and welcome aboard CF!

seagypsy15 · 01-02-2009, 15:16

"It appears that seagypsy is looking to join the cruising lifestyle, is single and would like to meet someone who would like to know her first before the complications of a physical relationship."

You've hit the nail right on the head, thanks. Since the first influx of messages I have had a few private messages that have been very polite, helpful and sweet. I've wanted to sail for years but never had the opportunity until the summer of 2007. Spent quite a number of hours on a small lake in a 17 Siren and was hooked. Spent July - Sept 2008 in Cairns, took lessons in J24s and did fun races every Wed. afternoon in a number of different boats. Winter of last year and this year I've been in the Bahamas a number of times on a 35 Express, which spends way too much time tied to the dock

. I need tons more experience, am seriously considering buying my own boat this summer.

nautical62 · 02-02-2009, 06:21

Another thought I have as I read through some of these posts is that using the crew-wanted services or possibly even a dating site is a more cost-effective way to find people to sail with than either traveling to a cruising destination and hanging out or purchasing your own boat.

The thing about crew sites, is they are specifically about people who want to find other people to sail with. Some of these people will be open to a relationship. The opposite is true of a dating site. As a single person, I rarely ever sail solo anymore, but I most always have someone lined up long before I go cruising. While most people who join me are people I already know, I've sailed with people I've met on dating sites and crew-finder sites (mostly crew-finder). I've never walked the waterfront of a port of departure looking for crew. I have my boat filled long before then. Although, I rarely travel solo anymore, I've done several solo cruises in the past (Great Lakes, Bahamas and SE Florida). On those cruises, I never came across anyone looking for a spot on a boat. People were already attached to boats, and my guess is that's something you'll find if you buy your own boat and go solo. If you buy your own boat and use the crew finder sites or dating sites to find people to sail with, I don't think that is going to change things greatly from what you have already seen. Most people on dating sites still won't have the time for cruising or may not be interested in it. You can run into the same problem on crew-finder forums with crew looking for boats as you can boats looking for crew. I'll admit, being a captain and boat owner, does give you a little more control, but I don't think it changes the dynamics of people to sail with all that much.

From what I've read, there certainly are some places where you are much more likely to find passagemakers in need of crew. The example of Panama, being a great example. Still, flying to a destination like that, means giving up the resources you currently have, potentially spending a lot and all with no guarantees of finding a good fit and you might be stuck with a bad fit for a long time to come with no opportunity to bail out. I think there is also a greater risk of falling into a situation where someone is looking for crew, more because they need help sailing the boat than because of their desire to share the experience. The ride to French Polynesia is a long one and consider where that then leaves you if the situation didn't work out.

I got most of my cruising experience and really learned many of the details of cruising by purchasing my own boat and going solo. You are reliant on yourself and this steepens the learning curve, but as I said earlier I don't think having your own boat means all of a sudden your odds of finding people to sail with goes through the roof. It's much more expensive than crewing for someone else.

I say these things based not on conjecture, but with over a decade of being a boat owner who has gone solo and frequently looked for people to join me.

Again, I think if you really spend the time, you'll find a compatible boat. They are out there.

Best of luck.

beachgirl1952 · 02-02-2009, 21:42

Hi MB ...
good to see you here too ...
good luck to both of us, finding a boat + skipper ...
skipper + boat that is

...

sailorboy1 · 03-02-2009, 08:55

Seems to me that want it comes down to is this was a "how do I get started in sailing" question, not a dating question. So my advice is to go down to the local, or wherever you are, docks and ask around for boats looking for crew hands etc. I know that last year I would have gone out on a lot more day sails if I could of found someone, anyone, wanting to go so I could another pair of hands to help out. Like anything if the people of the boat just give you the creeps, don't go with them!

Captn_Black · 03-02-2009, 09:05

Lol, they know how to sail, so it really is a dating/sailing question I'd say, and fair enough, there are enough of us guys looking for the same thing, why should we assume that the girls want anything different?
And if your going to be stuck on a boat for weeks on end with someone, the opposite sex is the obvious choice I'd say.

seagypsy15 · 21-02-2009, 18:55

I'd like to answer my own question - the answer is YES. I've just returned from sailing in the Exumas for 2 weeks with a great guy who wanted nothing but my company and has invited me back next winter for a longer cruise.

wsvoboda · 21-02-2009, 20:13

I'm a single sailor and have found the same problems. Normally when I invite a girl to go sailing she ends up bringing a boy friend that ends up spilling wine on my clean teak deck. I've almost given up.