Cruiser Dating?

[wolfgal]

some general comments are being made about women, which, for the CF gals reading... may not be all that appreciated (ahem).

so (sticking my neck out), i'd like to make a point.

imagine CF had a local yacht-club, and we ask all the sailing gals here on CF to come to the main room. Zee and Littlewing and Gamayun (who kind of takes the cake) and others, including me. and we do, we all go into the main room.

what do you get? you get a room full of tomboys! maybe not everyone, but definitely a majority (especially among the gals with their own boats).

so maybe the solution to finding the kind of mate that sailing/crusing requires is to look for a tomboy....?

my suggestion: when you interview potential mates (sailors or not), ask if they played with trucks/blocks instead of dolls, if they climbed trees and jumped, if they'd go up on the roof to write poetry or look at the sky, if they opened vending machines with butter knives, if they helped their father fix stuff...

a female with these kinds of stories is likely to be a tomboy (very likely) and is also likely be a bit more adventurous, a bit less the have-to-have-a-baby type or have-to be-there-for-grandkids type. she may even enjoy learning about engines and climb the mast.

and this is the thing: not all tomboys look masculine or butch (as the stereotype goes). some are quite attractive!!!!

for this reply, i first attempted to find out what percentage of women are actually tomboys and, instead, found an article that has linked tomboy-ness to the mother's hormones in utero

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_relea...-sst111102.php

and i'm not surprised:

early on, my mother was a tomboy: she was very hurt when the family decided that girls don't go out to the barn to feed the cows, boys do! (heard that story so many times!!!!)

and me, very early on, in my pregnancy with my daughter: i got locked inside of our building (the electrics went, and no one could get out); so i jumped from our first story window so not to be late for work. jumped, just like that: why wouldn't i?

and yes, from the start, my daughter was a total tomboy: no pink, no dolls, no hideous ponies. she did lego and chess with her brother. and later, no brushing hair, applying make-up or getting dreamy about boys. we still call her lightning toes as she's quite good at Taekwondo. she was a chess champ early on too. unfortunately she doesn't like sailing (sorry guys), but she sure does think for herself!

hope this proves useful to some.

[JPA Cate]

When I was single, after my divorce, and I decided I wanted to be in a relationship again, I did what Joh.Gurt recommended: I followed my interests, and aimed some of my activities towards meeting others with similar interests. As a method, it works pretty well, because whether or not you meet someone just right for you, at least you are doing what you want for yourself.

I think wolfgal's sort of right. It is that the woman who wants to be a pampered princess wears long fake fingernails and spike heels, and is not into the physicality of sailing. (This of course, a gross exaggeration, but the picture isn't all that wrong.)

The kind of woman who swims, does Scuba, hikes, and maybe even does backpacking or rock climbing, she will be more suitable for sailing, even if she doesn't yet sail. Jim was lucky with me, in that I had become a sailor before meeting him, on a friends' boat.

Ann

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by wolfgal

some general comments are being made about women, which, for the CF gals reading... may not be all that appreciated (ahem).

Really, this actually isn't much about the women cruisers. They already cruise and have their pick of solo male cruisers (or female cruisers if that's their preference) if they are even interested not being solo.

The issue is while there are some cruising ladies, they are a rare commodity, at least much more so than solo guys.

So when a guy is looking for a partner, the odds are stacked against them as they most likely have to pull a non-cruiser into the lifestyle when most women are scared off as soon as they hear the guy lives on a boat. If the guy is a scruffy oddball on a small, smelly, dirty boat and no job, it's 10 times harder, so the best thing a guy can do is clean up and present himself well.

This isn't to say existing couples make the transition to cruising seamlessly but odds are much better as they have a place to start from.

[Celestialsailor]

Well the scruffy oddball types usually stay single and rarely figure it out. It is much easier to find an adventurous woman on the way.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Celestialsailor

Well the scruffy oddball types usually stay single and rarely figure it out. It is much easier to find an adventurous woman on the way.

I've yet to meet a couple in real life where one was full time cruising before they got together. Not saying it's never happened but the odds seem particularly poor.

A few were doing weekend cruising while living a traditional shore side life 95% of the time.

[Richard Harper]

Single Sailors of South Florida worked for me

[Rockinar]

SailTinder.com

[gamayun]

I'm with CelestialSailor, learn to sail solo and just go. There are many adventurous women out there, but you gotta be ok approaching them and asking them directly (not in a sleazy, leering sort of way). Perhaps look for them as crew/friends firstly and then potential date material if there's some chemistry. If you're like, "hey babe, wanna go sailing? I'm looking for someone to cruise the world so just trust me, I know what I'm doing," it might not work. Oh, and if you're still into women who must always wear makeup, have nice nails, and the right shoes for every occasion, you're probably going to need a bigger boat

Wolfgal, I'm curious how I take the cake? Did you mean being single and independent and doing what I want to do without a man? The OP has it right though. It's a tough question and single people with a particular lifestyle have it hard when trying to match with someone. The hint (to other single ladies out there) is that he's done just that - he is advertising his status and needs without stirring up all the CF snarks. Anyone with a similar interest should hit him up with a PM if they want to learn more about him. It really does require some effort on both sides!

Hey mods, taking this one step further, I think there needs to be some icon on CF so both men and women know who are the singletons (if they want to advertise as such). Make it pink, blue and rainbow hued. Then people should make an effort to PM each other (emphasis on "effort") and start the conversation.

[wolfgal]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Wolfgal, I'm curious how I take the cake? Did you mean being single and independent and doing what I want to do without a man?

Single, independent and doing what you want, with or without a man, yes, but, when i wrote this, it was with an image of you that got stuck in my head years ago: one in which you are flying about on a trapeze in a circus!

was it you or your mother? anyhow, the story that created this image of you definitely takes the cake as far as "tomboyishness" goes, which is of course meant as a huge compliment.

[tbodine88]

Originally Posted by TooCoys

onlysailors.com

Sorry, the page you were looking for does not exist or is not available.

[JPA Cate]

CF isn't a dating service. We do have the section under the Community header, for SSSSM, single sailors seeking soulmates, and a link to it was already posted by Don CL.
If someone is an enthusiastic contributor, we're generally aware of whether they're single, or mysogynistic, or ???? There are a lot of angry divorced men out there, and rolls of hundred dollar bills don't compensate an independent, go-getter woman for his flaws.

It's rare, but sometime between 1990 and 2000, there were two singlehanders, a man and a woman, who did, finally get together after singlehanded courting. Lovely story. Relationship wise, they need good conflict resolution skills, because folks have different takes on what to do and how to do it, and a certain level of perseverance is necessary.





Ann

[S/V Reveille]

Quote: Hey mods, taking this one step further, I think there needs to be some icon on CF so both men and women know who are the singletons (if they want to advertise as such). Make it pink, blue and rainbow hued. Then people should make an effort to PM each other (emphasis on "effort") and start the conversation.[/QUOTE]


+1. I think that's a good idea. It doesn't make CF a dating site.. it's optional. And PM's make it between those two people, who if they've opted to have the icon, must be somewhat interested. Great Idea!

[RaymondR]

From someone getting towards the end of there life my advice is practice abstinence and spend your money on your boat.

[Spot]

Ann, are you saying this is not the place to mention my humble demeanor, rugged good looks, and future relationship goals? What are we going to talk about? Boats, maintenance, and cruising?

[JPA Cate]

No, it is fine with me whatever you want to talk about, as long as it stays within the community rules... Go for it, tell us how wonderful you are, if you dare, but you know what it's like around here.... You might not like the results. The right one will love your free roaming sense of humor.

Ann