Cruiser Dating?

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by wolfgal

Single, independent and doing what you want, with or without a man, yes, but, when i wrote this, it was with an image of you that got stuck in my head years ago: one in which you are flying about on a trapeze in a circus! [emoji3]



was it you or your mother? anyhow, the story that created this image of you definitely takes the cake as far as "tomboyishness" goes, which is of course meant as a huge compliment.

Indeed, that was my mother, the circus aerialist. I'm a real wimp when it comes to heights. She, on the other hand, really disliked and had a bad experience with the water. I think this also explains much about our personalities with each other

[Fore and Aft]

ShinyHappy I can't say I have ever thought I was sexy reaching over my beer gut while winching up the mainsail up or tap dancing around the deck. Still the wife has been with me for 26 years so maybe I have missed something?
Gamayun I didn't think being able to see out of a rut would worry someone who dives in zero visibility? Maybe your dates don't want to know what you have been diving in before dinner and thats why they have never asked......
Cheers

[SVSOLITAIRE]

Originally Posted by RaymondR

From someone getting towards the end of there life my advice is practice abstinence and spend your money on your boat.

Hahaha that’s been my game plan. It comes when it comes, stay focused on your vision for your life.

[Spot]

Originally Posted by gamayun

As to what women want, which might help here in addition to getting cleaned up on occasion, is if guys would be more inquisitive and curious about the world. For example, I have a line in a dating profile where I say I do blackwater/public safety diving. Do you know absolutely no one has ever asked me about this? You'd think that would be a gimme line.

Gamayun, I missed this detail until Fore and Aft replied. That is really interesting. I have a buddy who did some of that when he was a firefighter. Up here the diving is often murky and usually cold, my primary wetsuit is 7mm and I use a first stage regulator that is known to be better for not icing up..

Now, back to the thread....wondering if the 'average' someone who doesn't dive or lead a life of high adventure OR have an open mind would be intimidated by a someone with a robust set of hobbies? But maybe that is good in a self regulating sort of way? You would not be content with a couch potato or with someone that did not appreciate what you are capable of, right?

If we are honest there are still many perceptions and prejudices and stereotypes between genders and people in general.

[JPA Cate]

If we are honest there are still many perceptions and prejudices and stereotypes between genders and people in general.

Plus, we're all different. Some things are similar, which might be a little confusing.

One of our men acquaintances met his good lady by dating site. But he only dated women who had put in their descriptions that they really liked sailing. That strategy worked for him.

Ann

[nautical62]

I’ve had several relationships that started while cruising. Two things that I think helped:

1. I solo cruised first, so I wasn’t reliant on crew. This takes pressure off which is more conducive to friendships and romance.

2. When I invited women as crew, I never had an expectation of a romantic relationship. As with on land, sometimes things become romantic, sometimes they don’t.

Women (and men) have joined me as crew through mutual friends, through a sailing club, via crew finder sites, from previous acquaintance and via taking people out daysailing.

As for sailing solo and meeting women along the way, I’ve done a lot of solo sailing and personally think that’s extremely unlikely.

At least half these relationships began on older, small, cruisers, so I disagree having a nice yacht is that important.

I’ve also met and dated women and then taken them cruising. I think mentioning you have a sailboat and like to cruise exotic locals is a plus, even on a traditional dating site.

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by nautical62

I’ve had several relationships that started while cruising. Two things that I think helped:

1. I solo cruised first, so I wasn’t reliant on crew. This takes pressure off which is more conducive to friendships and romance.

2. When I invited women as crew, I never had an expectation of a romantic relationship. As with on land, sometimes things become romantic, sometimes they don’t.

Women (and men) have joined me as crew through mutual friends, through a sailing club, via crew finder sites, from previous acquaintance and via taking people out daysailing.

As for sailing solo and meeting women along the way, I’ve done a lot of solo sailing and personally think that’s extremely unlikely.

At least half these relationships began on older, small, cruisers, so I disagree having a nice yacht is that important.

I’ve also met and dated women and then taken them cruising. I think mentioning you have a sailboat and like to cruise exotic locals is a plus, even on a traditional dating site.

You gave me hope, and then said this,

Originally Posted by Dream Killer-nautical62

As for sailing solo and meeting women along the way, I’ve done a lot of solo sailing and personally think that’s extremely unlikely.

[thomm225]

I dated a lot while sailing/racing.

I had 5 different girlfriends that also crewed on the beach cats that I raced.

They were all in excellent shape and could handle the conditions and didn't complain (too much) if I flipped the boat or pitchpoled it.

It seems amazing to think about it now that I thought it was perfectly normal to have female crews on the trapeze doubled trapped in big winds on my Nacra 6.0

Of course, it helped that we were between 37-45 years old at the time.

Pictures are of Cheryl now and she is probably mid 60's. She was mostly all muscle 24 years ago when we raced but one of the most feminine women I have met.

I used to say if she had been a man she would have probably been a line backer for some football team until I got to know her and then realized she would have been more interested in the color of the uniforms than hitting people

But that didn't take away from her energy or strength so it worked out.....even if I had to have her get rid of her drink with the little umbrella in it so she could get on the trapeze at race start

[SVSOLITAIRE]

Originally Posted by ben2go

You gave me hope, and then said this,

There is hope. I have been solo cruising for 9 months on a small boat (Alberg 30). I’ve had four dates, all found on tinder and one “relationship” she moved aboard for a month. She jumped the ship she was on and that was that.

I don’t drink (so no bars, social lubricant) and this was during a pandemic. I’m also a weirdo. So if I can do it anyone can.

Be confident, remember that what you are doing is badass and they would be lucky to get a crew spot. Humor never hurts.

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by SVSOLITAIRE

There is hope. I have been solo cruising for 9 months on a small boat (Alberg 30). I’ve had four dates, all found on tinder and one “relationship” she moved aboard for a month. She jumped the ship she was on and that was that.

I don’t drink (so no bars, social lubricant) and this was during a pandemic. I’m also a weirdo. So if I can do it anyone can.

Be confident, remember that what you are doing is badass and they would be lucky to get a crew spot. Humor never hurts.

I've been sober since May 2006. I also have high functioning autism so I can't do crowds or large social gatherings. When I start traveling by boat, I'll spend most of my time sailing and very little time inland. I prefer the water.

[ShinyHappy]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Cute in a hero sort of way, but this doesn't seem to work in the reverse for most of the women skippers I know. We usually get told what to do even if it's the first time the guy has ever set foot on the boat (and some have have rarely sailed). Methinks this is a gender dynamic thing.

As to what women want, which might help here in addition to getting cleaned up on occasion, is if guys would be more inquisitive and curious about the world. For example, I have a line in a dating profile where I say I do blackwater/public safety diving. Do you know absolutely no one has ever asked me about this? You'd think that would be a gimme line.

To clarify, I was talking about that specific situation. I read it as a first (or second) date with a non-sailor.

But I think what you're running into is two-fold. Some guys get nervous around women who may be equally if not more skilled than they are. Telling you how to do things isn't as much a response that you don't know what you're doing as it is making sure you know they do (even if they don't). It might sound silly, but they want to appear competent so when you do something, their telling you is to let you know that. Not an excuse, I know

Then there are the guys who are threatened by strong women.

The second group are easier to identify than the first, I think. And some of us prefer women with mad skills and who will call us on our BS.

The black water diving thing could be intimidating. Maybe guys don't want to feel like they're holding you back or you'd be bored on less intense dives.

There are enough good guys out there for every one of you. We just say or do stupid things sometimes in our effort not to say or do stupid things.

[ShinyHappy]

Originally Posted by Fore and Aft

ShinyHappy I can't say I have ever thought I was sexy reaching over my beer gut while winching up the mainsail up or tap dancing around the deck. Still the wife has been with me for 26 years so maybe I have missed something?

Sexy isn't always about a six-pack. I'll bet you're sexier than you think tap dancing around the deck. Just don't step on the sail.

[thomm225]

If you expect to date and cruise, you better have a condo, an apartment, or home besides the boat.

Very few women are going to want to date a "strange" man that only owns a boat.

[Tetepare]

Just hit the dating website. Look for ladies fishing, hiking, or kayaking. Worked for me. Note that the one in a bikini with a drink on somebody’s Cigarette boat might look good, but is nothing but trouble.

Advertise that you’re employed. Women like that. Never indicate that you’re wealthy. If you are wealthy, lie and say employed.

Keep a bottle of white wine on the boat. A clean, newer shirt is a real plus.

If it all works out, THEN you can wear the same shorts for weeks, not shave, etc.

[Fore and Aft]

ShinyHappy LOL, your definitely an optimist, you would be the only person on this planet that would think an egg on legs dancing on the deck of a yacht could possibly be sexy.
Your right about a lot of guys being intimidated by a woman who are more competent then them.
Tetepare I always thought the fatter your wallet the sexier you looked?
Cheers