Do You Know of Anyone Who Quit Right Away ?

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Therapy

I learn some stuff from you.

I don't like your font though.

Its Comic Sans..... Latin for 'Not Funny..'

[boatman61]

Georgia.... Georgia....
Therapy.... any better mate.....

[Livia]

I recently interviewed someone who said that if they had taken a few months OFF the boat every year they wouldn't have stopped cruising after 4 years, they would have had another 4 years at least in them.

[serah]

My apologies on my snarky replies yesterday. I had just sat through a dinner with our dock-neighbour who referred to me as "the little lady" and the implication that I was hindering my boyfriend from fulfilling his dream of world cruising. Truth is, it's OUR dream, yet many have troubles accepting this. I may not be the mechanic doing the heavy lifting, but I'm there working alongside him for this dream most every day. His own wife hated boating, and she had firmly kiboshed his dreams of cruising. Those views were reflected onto me. I resent being painted with such a broad brush "Oh, those silly Dames; so high maintenance, they could never be interested in a life of adventure on the high seas." The attitude that we are all like that does a disservice to the cruising community.

I understand that there are likely some women out there who are metaphorically dragged into cruising. But there are many who actively choose it, and just as many who learn to love it if given the opportunity, and a safe way to learn. I refuse to believe that women who miss the luxuries of a land-life is the main reason so many quit. I hear many men who complain that the women in their lives won't fit into their view of the dream. Take the time to communicate with your chosen partner, and be considerate of what she wants. Discover what makes her nervous, where she could use more support. And most of all, learn to compromise so you're both happy out there.

Again, my apologies to GavinC.

Wishing everyone here the best to chase and achieve those dreams.

[goboatingnow]

I couldn't disagree more with gavinC if I tried. It's a very misogynistic, self centred and condescending post .

Here's why,

Cruising means many things to many people , some do long distances, though mostly only occasionally , many hop from port to port. You can for example cruise the Med with only overnights. Also many people own and enjoy boats yet rarely go anywhere. They just like to chill out , enjoy the sea air and their boat. Who am I , or you gavinC to criticise such people irrespective of their " spiffy" clothes. They are enjoying their boat that's it.

Your attitude to women is almost dark ages. Perhaps if you stopped being selfish and just doing what you want and listened to what she wants. Maybe if she had some training shed cope better.

Yes there are many people both male and female that will fear the sea it's just that there's more men in this hobby. However there are thousands of young women out sailing dinghies etc and maybe they are. The future.

It has taken me years to build enough confidence in my wife to go on sailing with me. Still she has no interest in long passages. It's not that she's afraid but that she finds it boring. We have lived on and off on boats so she has no problem with the space issues in fact she prefers the boat now to the house ( less cluttered, easy to tidy and finished)

In my experience and my sailing experience is extensive is that most sailing
couples break up due to relationship issues that are exacerbated by the conditions rather then pure fear of the sea or sailing.

My experience of women learning to sail has been positive and I have several weekend warrior couples and two long distance couples as friends Women who are empowered, involved and understand what's going on in my experience make better crew then do macho BS artist who get every one into trouble. Women tend to ask questions, underplay their knowledge and don't assume they know everything. All these qualities make great crew ( and good skippers too) . I don't deny is a male orientated past time but maybe that's changing.

Dave

[David_Old_Jersey]

I understand the criticism of Gavin's comments - but I think fair play for saying how he sees things, rather than what (he no doubt knows) others would like to hear. Perhaps style of posting a bit more honest / blunt than some, but I think no bad thing for that.

I am sure the Mods can train him

In any event my bet is that his Missus has a firm handle on him and real life not quite so one sided as the posts suggest . She certainly sounds game

[osirissail]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

. . . It has taken me years to build enough confidence in my wife to go on sailing with me. Still she has no interest in long passages. It's not that she's afraid but that she finds it boring. . . .
Dave

Usually in the midst of everybody's posts there is one or more gems - Here is probably one significant additional reason some partners quit sailing. Especially if they are used to living on land and now find themselves living at 4 mph instead of 60 mph.
- - Boring is the best kind of passage for me and I think a lot of other older hands. Boring means not having to fight to stay afloat and upright. Not having to deal with broken shackles or stays. Not having to deal with high water alarms going off down below. I love boring . . .
- - But it does take some serious experiences cruising to get to that point. Just drifting along on willy wisps of wind or mild winds can mean 8 hours to get 30 miles down the coast. Something you can do on land in 30 minutes.
- - So I would add "boring" to the list of reasons new to cruising mates jump ship.

[goboatingnow]

I Agee I love " boring " trips because for me the sailing is the attraction. For her it's a transport method to new and interesting places

Dave

[GavinC]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

I couldn't disagree more with gavinC if I tried. It's a very misogynistic, self centred and condescending post .


Your attitude to women is almost dark ages. Perhaps if you stopped being selfish and just doing what you want and listened to what she wants. Maybe if she had some training shed cope better.

Dave

If you had a hard time interpreting what I was saying before with a larger font in bold type you will REALLY have a field day with misinterpretation now! I was talking of one very specific woman and not women in general. Before you make some sort of assessment that I am "gender-bashing", perhaps you should have taken the time to read my post in it's entirety and comprehend it.

Allow me to put it in simpler terms... Some people, regardless of gender are simply not cut out for life at sea. Some people with little actual experience on the water don't realize just how much work and effort it can really be and view it as some sort of idealistic hassle-free blissful existence... they jump into it and find out otherwise.

Is this more understandable? How do you like my tiny font? If it could go down farther I would go for it. Just because in the case of your wife or girlfriend, you can drop her 5 miles out to sea in her shorts with nothing more than a Kabar knife clenched in her teeth and she can swim in and singlehandedly take out an entire platoon does not mean this is the norm among most women... she just MIGHT be a bit of an exception. With regard to mine? She is not a "water person"... period! She never was and goes on the boat merely for my benefit and not hers; She hates the water! Do you get it? No matter WHO's boat. As a matter of fact, historically (and before she ever knew me) if it's someone else's boat and the option is not to go that is the path she took. Are you getting it now? How do you like my tiny font? Even with her dislike of the water, she has learned a lot and has more nautical knowledge than a great many people I know with considerably more years boating experience than her. Some things she does not want to bother with though, such as asking her if I can show her basic celestial navigation (LAN, shoot polaris) she wants no part of it. How we doing on liking my tiny font? She is not a strong swimmer, furthering her fear factor. There is nothing that can be done to change her outlook and there is no "forcing" someone to enjoy sailing/boating... they do or they don't. How do you like my spiffy tiny font? If all I can get her to do is the "kiddie cruise" then so be it, that's what I'll settle for. How's this tiny font working for you? I have worked nothing short of miracles to get her past some of her fears of water, taking her farther than anyone else ever has. Where before knowing me, the only way to get her on a boat was dragging her on kicking and screaming all the way. I have her out sailing with me but I will not force anything on her or intentionally go beyond what she is comfortable with. Rolling along with this small font... how's it doing for you? Someone think that I am "doing it all wrong and if she was sailing with me then she would like it for SURE because you must be doing something wrong"--- Did it ever occur to you that not everyone on the entire planet enjoys boats/water no matter WHAT the circumstances are and who they may be with?

I do not give a god damn about being "politically correct" or saying something that does not conform to popular train of thought.... am I to avoid truthful factual objective observation because it's "unpopular"? ...and that girl you know that swims 5 miles in to shore with the Kabar knife clenched in her teeth? I'd like to meet her. I'm adoring the tiny font, are you? I am going to do this font all the time because you guys like it.

[goboatingnow]

Wow Gavin take a chill pill.

She is not a "water person"... period! She never was and goes on the boat merely for my benefit and not hers; She hates the water! Do you get it?

Well then maybe its time to chuck boating and do something she likes.

Dont get me wrong, as I said in my post, My wife is no particular fan of sailing, she has grown to like living on boats and visiting new places, but she'll never b e a sailer. My too daugthers now in their early twenties, grew up on boats and dinghy sailing and are both fine sailers.

However if your wife " hates the water", I's seriously consider which is your priority, sailing or having a wife. With this situation inevitably youll scare the crap outa her at some stage and it will be a walkout.

Dave
PS loved the tiny font very space efficient, let me speed scan through most of vitirol quickly.

[GavinC]

I obligated myself to "take up a wife" not "give up my life", Dave. I have spent most of my adult life at sea for my living and although I am now retired, do not anticipate changing much of anything for anyone for any reason.

What does this really mean? Only that where everyone else takes their wife or girlfriend with them, I have to fly mine in to meet me at the boat!

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by GavinC

I obligated myself to "take up a wife" not "give up my life", Dave. I have spent most of my adult life at sea for my living and although I am now retired, do not anticipate changing much of anything for anyone for any reason.

What does this really mean? Only that where everyone else takes their wife or girlfriend with them, I have to fly mine in to meet me at the boat!

Wow.... perfect sailing and 2 happy people.... what the gripe....

[goboatingnow]

What does this really mean? Only that where everyone else takes their wife or girlfriend with them, I have to fly mine in to meet me at the boat!

more then likely yes, thats what it means

Dave

[VirtualVagabond]

Originally Posted by GavinC

If you had a hard time interpreting what I was saying before with a larger font in bold type you will REALLY have a field day with misinterpretation now!

And this from the king of misinterpretation.

I'm amazed at how people can get so much wrong and still survive the sailing life.

In an effort to correct your misinterpretation... (Notice that emphasis without shouting, or sarcasm, which is the lowest form of wit)

Nobody complained about the size of the font you were using, just that you were typing everything in bold, which is the equivalent of shouting, as is typing everything in CAPITAL LETTERS.

So coming back with the tiniest font you can find makes no point at all, other than that you got it wrong, again.

Now can you see the difference, GavinCretin?

[Butler]

Worst mistake I've ever made and one I still regret is taking a handful of novice kids out on a particularly fresh day. In spite of them being obviously scared we stayed out for an hour before heading in.
2 of them (boys) still come aboard for sleepovers and are happy to row the dingy around the marina but refuse to leave the slip. One of the two girls had a tough go of it and (still hides behind her dads leg when she sees me) and her older sister who was 4 at the time set her mouth and stuck herself determindly to the uphill winch. From the fierce look on her face she seemed to be refusing to give in to fear. She surprised everyone but her dad by demanding to steer our 10 ton boat (with tiller) while powering back up the chanel for home.
Since then the younger daughter now 4 has become a skilled and fearless downhill skier and the older sister is kicking ass in the local juniors sailing program with the