Do You Know of Anyone Who Quit Right Away ?

[capngeo]

I decided long ago to take Travis McGee's advice: "take your retirement in installments"

To that end, I have (for the last 25 years) managed at least two month+ cruises and many more 5 dayish mini-cruises.... along with several "road-trips" either by bike, RV or car each year. I've been through 4 boats (lived aboard one for 7 years), 6 girl friends, 2 dogs, a cat or two and 2 birds... one (16 year old Macaw) has more time & miles aboard than most people I know.

Now with about 3 years left before full retirement, I expect to do a 90 day-at-a-time rotation; 3 months cruising, 3 months "home" keeping my real estate investments maintained, 3 moinths dragging the motorcycle around the country in a toy-hauler, 3 months "home"..... Until we're sick of it and want to do something else.

The current (and last) GF is a great cruising companion and is learning to sail. She is also a registered nurse who likes travel assignments (hence the 90 day cycle). Neither of us has any kids and we both have extremely flexible schedules. I think I have finally found the right woman, and just at the right time.

The point I'm trying to make in this rambling discourse is pretty much the same as others...... don't "dream" your life (youth?) away on the big carrot way off in the future; nibble at some small ones close by. You may find out you don't like carrots!

Me? Carrots taste GOOOOOOOOD!

ETA: before you all give me the "it must be nice" flames.... I have to say that I have zip in the bank as liquid cash, and have never had kids. If you are in need of either, disregard the above!

[donradcliffe]

I would recommend that anyone contemplating long-distance cruising who has not made offshore passages sign up for something like the Mahina Tiare trips, where you can figure out whether you like the lifestyle before you buy a boat. Its also best if a couple takes separate cruises, because the weaker half will learn a lot more and gain more confidence if they don't let the stronger half take over.

[omaho5]

Sailing at any level is work and challenge. You must love one and accept the other.
I love heavy weather sailing with a friend who has been vetted in these realites.
My wife, on the other hand, is easily frightened on this sailing. Therefore, I must defer to her needs when sailing with her.
This limts my long range dreams. However I gain more by having a stable and workable marriage.

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by donradcliffe

I would recommend that anyone contemplating long-distance cruising who has not made offshore passages sign up for something like the Mahina Tiare trips, where you can figure out whether you like the lifestyle before you buy a boat.

I don't really agree and believe there's lots of people living the cruising life that HATE long offshore passages. You can spend a REAL long time cruising and not have to make a long offshore passage. And then again there's always the option of having someone else sail the boat across the ocean and you meet it there.

I do agree you should have experience prior to heading out on a long passage. More to know what to expect than to find if you like it.

[boatman61]

Its also best if a couple takes separate cruises, because the weaker half will learn a lot more and gain more confidence if they don't let the stronger half take over.

This I agree with as I've often met couples where the dominant male constantly puts down their partner in seemingly jokey ways.... erodes confidence more effectively than anything else I know...
Aside from the machismo factor... one couple I knew back in the 90's left the UK with plans to cross to the Caribbean after cruising Atlantic Spain and Portugal...
They left Gib for the Canaries and were becalmed for a few days and he would not start the engine... "real sailors don't use the engine... get used to it"...
After a very slow trasit when they arrived she got of the boat and flew back to the UK... the divorce followed soon after..
She's currently cruising the Caribbean with a new partner, terrifically happy and a very able sailor...
As she put it... "It took a few days away from land to realise that I'd been living in self denial all those years... my friends were right... he was an absolute *******.. the sly bullying came to the fore out there..

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by boatman61

After a very slow trasit when they arrived she got of the boat and flew back to the UK... the divorce followed soon after...

Ok, it's the view from the dock on this and from the Internet

Leaving aside that one Partner (ok, the Fella ) may be fundamentally an a#shole and that more than 1 person living within a small area (no matter how big the boat it is "small") is not an easy thing to cope with in the best (aka shortest!) of times.

But I get the impression that some Skippers (aka the Fellas ) do not actually understand how much they are asking of their Partner to blindly accept on Trust that he is up to the challenges ahead. And over time (and perhaps not much of that?) she may soon learn in practice (whether wanted or not) that her Skipper is not quite as able as he claims or simply that she doesn't feel that he is.

The nearest onshore equivalent I can think of is riding pillion on a motorcycle. A few will genuinely always love being pillion but IME once you understand more (and especially from riding yourself) the less pleasant the pillion experiance is. and indeed more terrifying .

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

The nearest onshore equivalent I can think of is riding pillion on a motorcycle. A few will genuinely always love being pillion but IME once you understand more (and especially from riding yourself) the less pleasant the pillion experiance is. and indeed more terrifying .

You can say THAT again mate.....

The nearest onshore equivalent I can think of is riding pillion on a motorcycle. A few will genuinely always love being pillion but IME once you understand more (and especially from riding yourself) the less pleasant the pillion experiance is. and indeed more terrifying




But more importantly allowing for what 'she's' capable of coping with in terms of conditions etc

[Talbot]

There is he section of boat owners who have not yet been represented on this thread.

They have a dream of long distance sailing
They have skills and interest in boat build/major repair.

They spend the 5 years in the build. Then discover the sailing is not suitable for their lifestyle., and sell boat.

They buy a new project boat because they have recognised that the working on the boat is what rocks their dream, and they maintain the long distant future dream of sailing away as a means of providing direction for mesing around on their boat in the boatyard.

[gettinthere]

My wife is a real nag.
She keeps pestering me as to when we are finally leaving for our extended cruising ...
...As soon as she makes me enough money to afford it all in the manner to which I'm accustomed!

Leaving September 2011!

[imagine2frolic]

Ronnie Simpson, but he did go on to be famous, or maybe it's infamous? & to his credit he did get back up on the horse again....................i2f

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

Ronnie Simpson, but he did go on to be famous, or maybe it's infamous? & to his credit he did get back up on the horse again....................i2f

But we never heard much about a Mrs Simpson

Maybe even he wasn't that much of an optimist

[mintyspilot]

Originally Posted by boatman61

You can say THAT again mate.....

The nearest onshore equivalent I can think of is riding pillion on a motorcycle. A few will genuinely always love being pillion but IME once you understand more (and especially from riding yourself) the less pleasant the pillion experiance is. and indeed more terrifying

I'm not a biker type, but I hate letting other people fly the aircraft as their timing differs from mine, so if they miss my mark on something I begin to twitch.

I'd make a lousy instructor.....

[CoolBreezeTx]

I'm at home as i write, taking another carload of belongings to my new home.
i just motored her from mississippi to clear lake, Tx.
maybe i'll be lucky enough to take on a willing first mate, if she's strong enough to pull in a big anchor...

[SaucySailoress]

Originally Posted by donradcliffe

Its also best if a couple takes separate cruises, because the weaker half will learn a lot more and gain more confidence if they don't let the stronger half take over.

Maybe, but I think it's quite sad if a couple can't sail together, support each other and learn from each other. It might take time, but it's worth the experience. (Besides, I have no qualms letting my better half take over - it means less work for me!)

Originally Posted by boatman61

As she put it... "It took a few days away from land to realise that I'd been living in self denial all those years... my friends were right... he was an absolute *******.. the sly bullying came to the fore out there..

You said it - the problem was not 'cos she was sailing with her other half, but that her other half was a twit.

Originally Posted by gettinthere

My wife is a real nag.
She keeps pestering me as to when we are finally leaving for our extended cruising ...
...As soon as she makes me enough money to afford it all in the manner to which I'm accustomed!
!

Blow me, are you my very own husband? Since when did you get a secret username? And why didn't you tell me? "No secrets", you said!

[Khagan1227]

While it is my plan to move aboard one day, I wasn't aware my wife had any thoughts on the matter. A few weeks ago she told me she wanted to sell our house in Florida and retire on a "yacht".

This from a woman that I didn't think card much about sailing and that has never been on a sailboat larger than 25 ft.

I asked her how big of a boat she was thinking of living on, and she said that since friends of ours have a 29 ft travel trailer, she thought a 25 - 29 foot boat would be ok. So being the supportive husband I am , I went to Hunter Marine and took her on virtual tours of every boat from 25 to 50 foot. I didn't do it to put her off, but to show her the realities of the size of boats. From the "tour" she is now convinced that we need a 50 ft mono or a 46 ft cat.

Since I used to plan power plant outages for a living, I came up with a plan.

1. Buy a daysailer/small cruiser (complete) and teach her the basics of sailing.
2. Enroll with her in an ASA 101 - 104 courses that include live aboard training.
3. Re-evaluate "her plan".
4. Buy a boat we both can agree upon and more importantly, sail independently.
5. Move onboard.

Item 1. has proven interesting, since my older brother (though he denies it) once told me that I was "an overbearing, obnoxious, a$$hole, and those are my "good" qualities". It is all I can do not to grab the tiller or sheets from her or my son, but I am working on my patience. Whilst sailing last weekend in 20 - 25 kt winds with gusts to 30 kts, my son "forgot" to take in any sails and when he had the starboard toe rail buried in the water, I just stared at him. I'm starting to like this patience thing.