Do You Know of Anyone Who Quit Right Away ?

[CharlieJ]

Here is a suggested addition to your excellent plan: have your wife enroll in the one week onboard training cruise put on by Womanship Welcome to Womanship.com
Their motto is "Nobody Yells!" and the confidence gained by my wife after going through the program was astounding.

Charlie

[rebel heart]

Originally Posted by hummingway

I don't understand the urge to circumnavigate. I love sailing and the rest of it but have no urge to circumnavigate and don't really understand where that urge comes from any more then I understand the urge to climb Mt. Everest. I guess I've never been big on chasing after some sort of carrot. When people without any experience cruising want to do it I'm baffled. What is the appeal? Why does some part of their brain light up at the thought of going around the world in a sailboat?

As a little kid I always just dreamed of sailing a boat around the world. A few decades later I still like the idea, but not enough to march off a cliff with it. I'd still like to do it and I hope we pull it off.

In regards to the general vibe of the thread:

I was at my friend's going-away-party for the Baja Haha a few weeks ago, and a landlubbing friend (well meaning) was looking at some of the boats shaking his head. In my mind, I'm thinking of all the equipment, maintenance, supplies, and general craziness associated with leaving for a big trip like that.

He (the landlubber) says "it must be so great to live so free and have so much wide open options". I was kind of dumbfounded. In aggregate I see it that way, but day to day I'm consumed with the gazillion things that need to happen to keep our floating home working. There isn't a lot of time to sit around and smell the roses.

Sometimes you can relax and pretend you're on the front cover of Lats & Atts, but a lot of the time you're upside down in a bilge with bloody knuckles or staring at a bank account that used to have money in it.

You just can't expect cruising or sailing to free you from your problems. If you can't find a way to be happy on land, you won't find it at sea. You need to be the kind of person that given a **** sandwich you'll find a way to add mustard and at least be happy for that.

However, the landlubbers I know generally are as consumed as I am, and often as broke, so it's important to look at that aspect as well. It's not like the only way to be poor and a slave to a lifestyle is to be a cruiser: you can accomplish the same thing (and many do) living in a condo and driving a BMW.

[jackiepitts]

Originally Posted by rebel heart

You just can't expect cruising or sailing to free you from your problems. If you can't find a way to be happy on land, you won't find it at sea. You need to be the kind of person that given a **** sandwich you'll find a way to add mustard and at least be happy for that.

However, the landlubbers I know generally are as consumed as I am, and often as broke, so it's important to look at that aspect as well. It's not like the only way to be poor and a slave to a lifestyle is to be a cruiser: you can accomplish the same thing (and many do) living in a condo and driving a BMW.

Well said!

[John A]

If a Man has a problem attracting a female companion while living on land, buying a sailboat won't improve his odds.
To many times I've watched as single people, going through mid-life crisis, dump their condos to become liveaboards to attract a 'significant other'. Only to be left with a broken dream, a boat that they'll need to sale at a loss, and no way to buy another condo and furnish it.

[osirissail]

Originally Posted by rebel heart

. . .He (the landlubber) says "it must be so great to live so free and have so much wide open options". I was kind of dumbfounded. In aggregate I see it that way, but day to day I'm consumed with the gazillion things that need to happen to keep our floating home working. There isn't a lot of time to sit around and smell the roses. . . .

That's the fantasy versus the reality of the cruising lifestyle. Grass is always greener of the other side - sort of thing. But for a much time as we spend keeping things working on board, there are still experiences and the comradeship of other cruisers that puts the lifestyle light years above anything else, IMHO. I think of it (as Jimmy Buffet sings) as just a different perspective on the world - hanging upside down in a bilge or twisted like a pretzel in the engine compartment. You certainly get your "flexology" training workout.
- - As to finding and keeping a 'mate' - others above have pretty much nailed the problems and prospects. Which are bleak if you are attempting to convert a "land-raised" woman to a sea-woman. One place to search is: Find a Crew™ Use the advanced search to eliminate the professional crew folks and get to the ones interested in cruising/sailing on less than the average mega-yacht. The idea is to get crew/mate that already has or wants to go to sea.

[Butler]

I decided that since I am in jepordy of having to pull the plug on going cruising that I would just tag onto this older thread rather than make a new one.
In spite of the rather personal shaggy dog story below my question is a simple one. I think I know what the answer has to be but it is really hard to accept…
I’ve always dreamt of getting away and as an artist I could only look at boats and read and crew and dream of one day owning a keelboat and leaving. I’ve always worked but always just joe-jobs that built up my social security and did nothing for a “retirement”. Over time I put money away owned a couple of dingies and 6 years ago bought and began sailing my first keelboat.
I fell in love with someone who sailed, loved the idea of going and said that we could cruise off her healthy retirement until the social security kicked in as long as I did all the maintenance work on the boat.
We got along really well wuit a lot of shared interests etc. so I gave up my lovely little boat and spent every penny I had saved on a larger, more comfortable cruiser and have spent 18 months and even more money to get the boat up to snuff and sailing together on her including multi-day trips. My friend recently moved aboard and matched my monetary investment with some insurance money she’d gotten earlier so we could be really well outfitted and we got busy planning to go with an end of December departure date.
My friend has just admitted to me that she was going along with this not only because she thought it would be exciting and fun but also to please me. She told me that she does not believe we can afford to do this after all and cannot leave her things and her family… that she has decided that she is not a “pioneer woman” and cannot deal with life aboard.
I’m kinda mad at her though I understand how she just didn't understand and I feel like I should have seen this coming. I did check with her about the whole business on the regular, but still...
I am really laid low by this turn … I’ve worked so hard at this…
Here are my unvarnished Southern California based options: (I will leave out my own thoughts on the viability of any of these and really would love to hear from you guys)
1) Just grab big bags of beans and rice, a fishing rod and go, screw my new friend and worries of starvation and collapse.
2) Settle in for another 4 years at work (if at 58 years old I can even find any at this point here…) in a city I hate and at a rotten polluted marina hours from any decent job ( this marina is my only option for a number of reasons) , pay back my friend for her investment then go.
3) Sell out, pay back my friend, get myself to a friendlier labor market (yes given where I’m at they do exist!) and start over again, timing my return to go along with my early adoption of Social Security
All sympathy, accusations of being a chowder head and advice gladly accepted folks!

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Butler

All sympathy, accusations of being a chowder head and advice gladly accepted folks!

I think your situation probably deserved it's own thread

My take is that you have already answered some fundamental questions - no mention of marriage and a boat / voyage is more important than her = not a keeper anyway.

If the boat is good enough to go and you could afford to maintain her - with some work ashore now & again then I would just go. If feeling nice then give her an IOU - but long dated Otherwise (and if nothing in writing) then she can put it down to experiance...........

.........perhaps a bit hard, but

[sww914]

Give it a test drive before you guys decide. Scrape together a couple thousand and get the boat to someplace awesome and have her join up there or help you get it there and then she can fly home and do some laundry, fix her hair, and fluff up her pillows.
After a while she'll want more.
YOU'RE TOO CLOSE!
Everything doesn't have to be perfect first, nothing's perfect anyway.

[boatman61]

Shoot.. what a bumma.. but not a new tale.. been dragged down that road myself in the past.. wait till everything was committed and my money spent then whip out the sledgehammer for the smack round the head...
As to what to do... thats down to your personal sense of morals...
But... at our age (I'm 62) getting back into the labour markets no easy job... downright impossible... apart from cleaning toilets or pushing a broom down a road.
Part of me advise's... Grab the beans, rice and rod... slip your lines and fly South of the Border and settle up with her when and/or if you can.. she conned you into a corner... but could you live with that..??
You could sell the boat and pay what she's invested back to her but I reckon you'd be out of pocket... chances of getting YOUR cash back are remote...
Will you have enough left for a smaller boat your happy to live on and travel.. will you have enough cash to live till you find friendly shore's..??
As to giving up and moving back into the city.... only you know that... whats the chances you'll end up in a room on Social getting bitter about what could have been..
I'm not sure I could... probably why I'm on a 21ft boat in Portugal starting over... lol.

[aquarian]

Know how you feel. Similar thing happened to me only I was married now divorced, but I got the boat. I don't feel that you owe her anything for the boat because: 1) you would not have gained the associated expenses if not for her promise. 2) she is the one who changed her plans leaving you holding the bag. If she is a decent person, she won't expect you to either. If you can swing it, I would probably go. Having said that, I didn't elect to go right away instead I enrolled in nursing school because I believe it will be very portable, and I will have a degree in 1 year. I had not yet purchased "the big boat" either. So a year from now I will buy "the boat" and be off on my adventure without the dead weight I was dragging before. You know there is nothing to stop you from sailing the boat to a better local and find work there until you decide. Whatever you do, don't let go of your dreams to make someone else happy.

PS. There are a lot of gals who would love to be in the position she is walking away from. So don't think that is lost either.

[gettinthere]

she pulled out on her own, leaving you holding the bag. Her loss.

[rebel heart]

Butler -

For me, the first thing in life is to enjoy it and be happy. Secondly, you shouldn't hurt others in pursuit of that, but you also don't need to carry around guilt of you indirectly being the cause of someone else's problems.

If there's a question of money I'd come up with an equitable way of solving that. It's not going to be paying her back in total for her contributions however. Take a percentage of whoever's put in what, apply that percentage to what the boat would sell (not list) for, and that's the amounts I'd work with.

Once the money thing is solved (if it's even an issue), you can get sailing. Am I missing something?

Don't treat sailing and working as mutually exclusive. I went backpacking in Europe in my early 20's and stayed for a few weeks for free in a hostel by doing some laundry and vacuuming a few hours a day in the morning. Lodging, breakfast, and lunch paid for while I had a blast.

Not being negative, but if your version of sailing is some Jimmy Buffet song where you're drinking margaritas and don't need to work anymore, you need to have a crap load of money to make that work. And honestly working is fun when you have the flexibility to pick the jobs you want.

I think your friend will be shocked at how little money she'll be able to recoup, and tell her to have fun paying the slip fees while it isn't selling.

[jackiepitts]

It seems to me that you are not only concerned with the what you owe your "friend" but also that you concerned that you are unable to go cruising without your "friend" because she was the one with the retirement and you do not have one?

[Cormorant]

Any chance you could hammer out a hybrid life with your friend? Cruise a couple of months . . . fly home where maybe you keep a small apartment and enjoy "civilization" for a couple of months. Regroup, refresh, see friends and relatives, then head back to the boat and cruise a few more months. Change percentages as necessary.

[osirissail]

There is, of course, usually a lot more to any story. We do not know if she has an "equity" hold on the boat or if there was a formal/informal declaration of intent with the money she contributed. Certainly mitigating her claim on her contribution is the declaration of, when push comes to shove, she cannot fulfill her part of the "bargain" of cruising since she cannot "leave her land life" after all.
- - This scenario is all too common with cruising couples and for you luckily manifested itself before you got out there in some remote part of the ocean. I know couples where the wife/partner after as much as 4 to 5 years cruising makes the same declaration that "now that you have had your fun, we are going back to living on land."
But based on the situation given I would suggest -
- - Use the boat to sail to a place where you can get employment inside your home country. Then accumulate enough to "pay her back" if such is morally or legally required.
- - Assuming that you do not have a cruising "kitty" or other source of financial support necessary to "sail off into the sunset" - you might strike a bargain with her. I have seen this work in quite a few similar circumstances - you sail the boat to a nice place/island/country that has reasonable air connections and she flies down to be on the boat for "x" days/weeks/months before returning back to her land home and land life. You get to sail and cruise with her support and she gets to experience the boat in exotic "non-moving" locations which would have cost a lot of money if she did it through resort vacations. I know couples who have done this for decades very successfully.