The Dream Has Died

[tdgaffney]

I sailed a lot in my younger days here in Seattle. All the local races, Tri-Island races, etc. Then I built my 28ft sailboat from Hull up. At the same time, continued racing. Finally, the big one: I navigated a Vic-Maui race, 2400 miles, to second place in class. Great. And then several Mexican races from LA. Glorious.


Then life took over. Sold the 28 footer. Worked in Asia for 12 years. Came back. Finally found the boat of my dreams, an old warhorse Olson 40. Good price - lots of work.


Brought it to Seattle and two weeks in the yard turned into 7 months! Just for the items that needed fixing outside the water. Then to the slip. Pulled all the electrics, nav items, etc. Started working my way up.



Now the power is done, on to elec panel and distribution. Time in grade to date - three years! Yep, life on the outside keeps happening.


But not to worry. Just messing about in boats is a joy (Uffa Fox). I will soon turn 74 and the beat goes on. Looking forward to my first sail on this reconstructed boat. As the Italians say, "Domani."

[CaptJPMcGuire]

Sailing went out of me after 50 years of cruising in NewEngland and finally heading to Florida. We enjoyed the year or so going down and playing, but it got tiring. Hot, wx worries all the time; big lighting rod up in the sky-etc/. Bought a Grand Banks 42 (old 1977) Motored back to New England ---life was good again. Straight line cruising point A-B with out a lot of tacking--drive in side with air-conditioning or heat! 5 years into this, the story of old boats is proving very true,--something is always broken --you just don't know it yet!! We bought a used Class B RV (Van type) took three months and visited 30 National Parks great fun. 18 miles to a gallon in the van vs 1 mile per gallon in the boat. The loop is an expensive trip by boat. But we've enjoyed both by Boat and Van--- But But But Time Time Time are now at a premium. My wife and I are in our mid 70's, retired now for 10 years and I broke my leg in July.
It brought on a new reality I'm Getting OLD--I can't do the fixing necessary to maintain all the toys and I sure can't afford to pay the going rates. I do need to keep it simple and keep it simple--the boat will be the first to go I'm afraid.
In a plane you can't always find a safe landing spot, in the boat can't always find a safe anchorage but in the van --there's always a Holiday Inn.
Enjoy the time you have as you get old! Travel where you have not boldly gone before--see the grander of Greece, Rome, Paris St Petersburg yet ---why not! Have you seen the grander of the Grand Canyon. Grand Tetons, Brice Canyon--why not!
The clock of life it wound but once and we know not the hour or minute the hands will stop!

[sailorladd]

Yes, I can most certainly relate, as I am in the same wait for it..."boat" ...

Fortunately for me the bug bit when I was barely out of my teens, and I approached the dream of owning and sailing a boat around the world "like those pirates did"...and a girl I had just had the great fortune to meet, liked my idea very much and we joined forces, got married and built Deja vu from the keel up...the whole story is documented in a book I wrote twenty some years later "Days of Deja vu" on amazon, but after been involved in sailing and boats and the hardships of crossing oceans between continents and finally single handing my way from Australia to New Zealand and up through the Cook islands to Hawaii against the trades, I began to feel the boredom of sailing and the discomfort, fear and uncertainty of living day to day, I decided to ship my oars and do something else... at this stage I was only about 35, but still loved the boat and have continued owning her, who is over forty years old .

I have cruised between the Hawaiian islands but found the passages to be too challenging when there is a blow, and I, like you, have become bored with this type of boating ....I take her out when the weather is just right for an hour or three, home before dark, crew to help and a safe sheltered harbor...nice cup of tea...

I did a bit of RVing around the states and believe I could certainly take to that lifestyle, it is fun and always something new and always new neighborhoods and new faces.... I have also becoming a working musician and that certainly took my mind off boats and sailing in a lovely way.... I am almost sixty five now and am slowing down, so the idea and dreams I had as a raw, wild twenty year old youth have all but evaporated, and I am so thankful I did it then and that I am still around to enjoy the most wonderful times in my life...

[MarathonJohn]

ponderings: At 50 I had a funk I couldn't shake. Went on for months. Didn't leave the house once for two weeks, didn't want to get up, go out, talk to people. Sure, I had dis-appointments and struggles, plus much to be thankful about, but it was more than that. Decided to seek counciling as it couldn't hurt, but it sure felt like a sign of weakness to go. I was wrong about the weakness part, because it saved me as it turned out I had 'clinical depression'. I followed the 'shrinks' instructions, took an anti-depressant for about a year and quit drinking, though did smoke pot occasionally. After the initial two weeks the change was quick and positive. I started to feel like myself again. After a year he said it was time to stop that daily pill. I told him I did not want to revert back. He said my brain chemistry had changed so I wouldn't. He was right. I don't use cannabis any longer, but do drink socially, but have never reverted back to that state of utter funky sadness (depression.) Everyday I thank modern medicine, etc., and that was 18 years ago. Like most on this forum, I'm a do-it-all, fix-it-all, independant free-thinking adventurer. But I learned that seeking help is sometimes the best, quickest, and for me, most crucial part of problem solving. Good luck, youngster..

[John L. Cwierz]

My dear Ponderings,
I am in communion with your feelings at my 76. I crossed, as you may know, solo the Atlantic in 2013, and it took me 63 days, 47 to Azores, and 13 more to Chipiona, Spain, starting at Marathon.
Ever since I've been going to my boat almost every day to do things on it, but, it so happens that my dear wife, I have to say what I've just said, she is not too much for sailboats, and in a covered way she lets me know that she does not care for them, and that really gets, eventually or not, as you can imagine, onto me. And this, eventually burns me out.
Maybe you should consider asking her(that is: your wife) if she is really on for sailboats?
It is a very disagreeable and unfortunate situation,but it is true. Wish you the best of luck. John.

[Poodle Head Mik]

Let it go - you can't have the same Dreams forever. You change, it changes, and now: Things Have Changed.

And you are in good company. Even the august Carlton Mitchell eventually switched sides. After having sailed and won all over the world, including three Bermuda wins in a row, he then he switched to power: Sans Terre. Which was a Grand Banks of some size. I think he started in Hong Kong and then later powered from Los Angeles through the Canal and up to at least Miami. Which has got to be 10-12K miles or more. Luckily he had his wife's money for the fuel bills. <g>

Live The Dream That Makes You Happy Now.

PHM
-----------

Originally Posted by ponderings

For 25 years now, I've had some sailboat or another. They've been getting bigger and bigger.

I built my nearly finished, most recent boat myself. It's one of the top boats of its kind in the world. Not joking. It's a performance boat.

I recently also bought a boat to flip. I haven't been out in years because it takes years to build a boat. I went out with the boat I bought to flip and it just wasn't fun. Building the boat has turned me off on nearly all manual labor. It used to be fun to create things by building them for me. After building a boat, I no longer feel enjoyment or satisfaction from doing any repair work, modifications or systems on boats. Or on land.

I didn't really enjoy sailing on this trip on the boat I bought to flip. I didn't feel like I wanted to battle bad weather, rough seas and all the things to repair and that will break taking a boat around the world to see things. I was thinking I want to see Switzerland too. Can't sail there.

I'm burnt out.

However, I'm comfortable at the dock with the boat I bought to flip. It's finished inside and roomy. Feels like a house. The wife wants to keep the new boat I built and spend the time finishing the inside. Thousands of hours (and dollars) to get it all nice inside. She doesn't like the boat I'm flipping to be ours. She has no experience on boats and prefers (of course) the super nice new boat. At the same time, I realized that what I have always liked about boats was the solitude. It's very private. You're on your own without annoying neighbors. Feels great to me. Plus, you can move it if you don't like your surroundings.

I'm feeling comfortable on the boat I bought to flip. I don't want to build out anything. Just fix the occasional pump here or there that needs fixing or things like that. But the wife wants to have the new boat finished.

In any case, I have come to a huge realization.

The dream of sailing a boat to various countries around the world and traveling has died for me. It's just too hard. I'm not up for the challenge, given all the other challenges in life. I'm also barely up for the challenge of building out the interior of the new boat I built. I'm thinking of (GASP!!) converting the new boat I built to be a highly efficient powerboat with all the conveniences. Generator, air conditioning and heat, unlimited hot water, watermaker etc.

I'm starting to see boats as less of a traveling adventure and handyman thing and as more of a (GASP AGAIN!!) condo I can put wherever I want, moving it with the seasons for maximum comfort.

Now, I can certainly take the seamanship I've learned over all these decades and apply it to this high performance powerboat condo I'm thinking of. I can also say this boat I built is very capable of world cruising. But, -I'M- not capable of world cruising anymore. I just don't have it in me. I'm tired. I'm done. Boats are starting to bore me. Sailing is boring me.

Has anyone here ever come to this point after decades of doing the same thing? Do you ever dream of living in the mountains? Of seeing all the stuff we can't see because we're on boats? Of driving around to all sorts of towns and natural wonders that we can't see because we're always in a harbor, in an anchorage, in the water and by the beach?

I'm looking for any comments at all that might help me make sense of this sudden loss of the dream. For me, it's over. I want to see the world but I don't want to spend extra decades fighting to do it. Fighting to get a boat ready (never seems to be), fighting the weather and elements and fighting the fact that a lot of things are made poorly and break quickly in the marine world.

Time and time again we hear "just go now, life is too short." Well, life IS too short. Too short to spend decades getting to destinations I can get to in hours by plane or at least in days by RV.

I think I'd like to RV around the world so I can actually see it, which gives some of the same opportunities for the solitude, but not nearly in the same dosage of solitude a boat provides.

Is this just because I'm getting older? I'm approaching 50.

[rsn48]

In reading the OP's loss of interest comment, I felt I was just experiencing the "birth of a power boater." Sailboats bought for long voyages are like mountain bikes. Something like 95% of all mountain bikes never are ridden on a mountain trail. Same with sailboats, once the dream is over but being on the water is still enjoyable, time to get a boat that can take you faster to more local areas that still can bring a smile to one's face. Faster can be 8 knots but without the hassle of tacking and jibing.

I live along coastal British Columbia and happily have access to the "Inside Passage" which hosts wonderful areas to boat. Julie Andrews (Sound of Music) had a larger luxury yacht which she on occasion would have it traverse the Panama Canal and moor it in Campbell River BC on Vancouver Island. Campbell River is a well known jumping off point for the Broughtons, a beautiful fjord location less populated in the summer than Desolation Sound or Jarvis Inlet, two other beautiful fjord locations and closer to Vancouver BC. Julie Andrews would fly out to join up with her yacht at Campbell River to tour the Broughtons and other great location.

As one grows older, a more realistic take on one's life occurs, realism in the sense of - "I'm never going to do this, I might do this, I will do this" - since time and physical ability slowly diminishes. At 50, you are still a babe in the woods.

I was joined by two old college apartment mates from Chicago, about three weeks ago for a journey into Desolation Sound, and typical for fall weather, lots of countless hours of rain and drizzle. While steering from the inside steering station, we felt sympathy for the sail boaters who were outside the rain pretending to have fun. All three of us had been very active sailors and one crewing the Mackinac race for 33 years. He has said this years 2018 race could be his last, the constant pounding in heavier winds has finally caught up with him.

Experience the joy of extended range as you plot a course to your journey's end without ever tacking or jibing. The trip I did with my two pals could not have occurred over three nights and four days, at least not visiting as many locations that we did. Out entire journey was traversed at an average speed of 7.5 knots, with the final half hour of the return journey at 11.4 knots. You don't have to go fast to go fast in sailboat terms.

[jshugart]

Well, in 1992 I saw my dream sailboat that I could not afford at a sailboat show. When my wife finally retired at 65 (me 67), we moved to Florida and I bought a 1983 boat (antique over 30 yrs) of the model I am talking about. I spend 3.5 months in a boat yard fixing what was needed...quite a bit. We spent 2.5 yrs still working on it and almost got it right for cruising etc....nav lights work at night, most everything works good. But wife says I don't want to sleep on a sailboat anymore, don't like rough weather, and don't want to go cruising., and don't want to sail as often as I do. Well, I don't have a cruising buddy other than my wife. So when the owners forum asked anyone thinking of selling your boat? I said sometimes I think of it but my boat is so great. A guy called, I said I was not interested in selling, he flew down to look at two others like mine, he said he wanted to buy ours. We made a contract with deposit for 45 deal if survey acceptable. Then lightning hit my mast and about $23k damage mainly to electronics. But this mainly makes the boat better due to newer more modern stuff. It is quite an ordeal working on a insurance claim but getting there. The boat is a 10,000 dry weight 27 ft sailboat with 4 ft bowsprit....called a blue water yacht because it can sail anywhere....across the ocean, to Caribbean etc....made extremely tough and durable. Now a hurricane is nearby so have to postpone the repair stuff. We are going back to a simple daysailor, a Flying Scot. We had one for 4 yrs in 2007 and loved it. We want simple, lightweight, trailerable to other places, inexpensive, seaworthy and easy for kids and beginners and fast and fun. FUN is main thing. And if it sits on a trailer at home for however how long, that is fine....we will go when we feel like it or someone wants to go sailing.
So that is my story of selling our 9th sailboat since 1982.
When she is gone, we will be more at peace. And actually, the new owner wants me to go cruising with him and a buddy....we're see how that goes....hopepfully real nice.
Jim

[secrabtree]

I too have lost my interest in sailing - somewhat. I realized very early on, when I was 33, that I liked sailing very much, too much to build my boat. I knew somehow that IF I did that I'd lose my love of sailing before the boat was built. So I bought a used O'Day Day Sailer for my wife (now ex, but not because of sailing) and me, an El Toro and a Sunfish for my kids. All 3 of them are already senior citizens. In 1978 I bought a 1971 Cal 3ve never been rich enough to have it done by others.9 to do the 1980 Singlehanded Transpac and sold it in 2015. I could still sail her, but I was no longer flexible enough to do the necessary maintenance on such an old boat - and I've never been rich enough to have that done by others. So now my present wife and I live wherever our 30 foot bumper pull trailer happens to be. We've been on the road since June 2017, starting in Antioch CA and visiting AZ, NM, TX, back to NM, CO, Y, MT, SD, ND, WI, IL, KY, and am now in TN. I need operations on my eyes and the doctor in Bismark SD recommended Vanderbilt. So it's KOA in Nashville now. And you're not old, you're my junior by 30 years.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by secrabtree

I too have lost my interest in sailing - somewhat. I realized very early on, when I was 33, that I liked sailing very much, too much to build my boat. I knew somehow that IF I did that I'd lose my love of sailing before the boat was built. So I bought a used O'Day Day Sailer for my wife (now ex, but not because of sailing) and me, an El Toro and a Sunfish for my kids. All 3 of them are already senior citizens. In 1978 I bought a 1971 Cal 3ve never been rich enough to have it done by others.9 to do the 1980 Singlehanded Transpac and sold it in 2015. I could still sail her, but I was no longer flexible enough to do the necessary maintenance on such an old boat - and I've never been rich enough to have that done by others. So now my present wife and I live wherever our 30 foot bumper pull trailer happens to be. We've been on the road since June 2017, starting in Antioch CA and visiting AZ, NM, TX, back to NM, CO, Y, MT, SD, ND, WI, IL, KY, and am now in TN. I need operations on my eyes and the doctor in Bismark SD recommended Vanderbilt. So it's KOA in Nashville now. And you're not old, you're my junior by 30 years.

To be curt, I nice bio.

[L33]

Honest question, were you drinking when you posted this?
Life is hard.

[kryg]

It sounds just like you need a holiday from everything your mind and body is in a rut. Taking a holiday from building a boat is a big as it gets - so may I suggest - It is not unlike taking a holiday from work after a few years of not having one. Your outreach on this form is for help tells me you need one NOW to get out of the rut you're created for yourself.

My suggestion is tomorrow plan to Hire an RV to take a trip with your wife somewhere to recover, it must be two weeks minimum no phones or computers. When you return, 100% then I bet you will have a new perspective on life and your place in it. Hiring the RV will also give you a reality check good or bad. Also, I bet you will discover your dream has not died only your workload needs time off.

Have a happy holiday, only solution for rut recovery.

[Olddan1943]

Consider hiring a professional driver too.
I have no idea how much they cost but I suspect they will be more expensive than a Captain. Sit down with the driver and discuss your trip just as you would with a Captain. SMILE
Dont kill yourself trying to have fun.

[briesey]

Wow how true...we spend 95% of out time working on the boat and 5% sailing...I dont know of any other passion that delivers back so little but for some reason we keep doing it.
I look like you feel but we have now for the first time have set a goal for work and sailing I.e. we are going on extended cruising at an agreed point ready or not...because you know you will never be ready or satisfied with your endeavours...so perhaps set a goal and stick to it.

[stargate]

I can certainly fully understand you feelings. I am at the same point, but not in a funk or indecisive. I have finally put my boat on the market, at 65. I started building her when I was 45, took 5 years of unbelievable effort and 3 times the money to get her launched. I have enjoyed 15 years aboard her ( she is 65 ft ketch motorsailer).
Yes, building her was a challenge and keeping her up has been one as well. Looking back , I have had good experiences cruising and just living aboard, but it is always work!!. When guests come , I work,when guest are gone I work and this is said with no regrets or rancor.
For me now this is just the change of seasons. I have spent 50 years on the ocean and been all over the world by boat. Now the thoughts of no boat maintenance and a land home is exiting. If I want a boat trip I have many friends cruising who would welcome my company and experience.
People have said that cruising is just working on your boat in an exotic port .
I have no regrets and have been there , so the change for me is positive.
I completely understand when one has had enough! You shouldn't feel bad or hesitate. Just be honest with your self, as you seem to be and get on with the next adventure, what ever that will be. Remember, in ten years you may change you mind and get another boat. All your experience will come back to you and you will know exactly what your doing.
Building a boat and cruising are two different galaxies. Very few understand what it actually takes to build a boat yourself!
It's ok change plans, It's not ok to give up or not have a plan Best wishes.