Crew Wanted: Crew, the world and sad, sad evolution...

[captainwd40]

From one dinosaur to another.......

A very good read and very honest ..... very refreshing!

Yes .... the world has changed and us old dogs with old school knowledge must adapt and overcome! But don't give up ..... just be aware that many peeps are skeptical for good reason ..... there are a lot of freaks out there in the world.

My recommendation is to keep up with your posts and don't be in a hurry. Find someone who might be interested and start a continual chat conversation and get to know each other a bit. If there appears to be a possible fit ..... send an invitation to meet and see how it goes. Accept people for who they are and don't expect to change anyone.

There are still a lot of good down to earth people out there with a sense of adventure ..... just be patient and keep looking.

And if you do find a good first mate ....... talk about mutual expectations early on so there aren't any surprises down the road.

Good luck and happy hunting!

Cheers!

[uptickguru]

Originally Posted by captainwd40

From one dinosaur to another.......

A very good read and very honest ..... very refreshing!

Yes .... the world has changed and us old dogs with old school knowledge must adapt and overcome! But don't give up ..... just be aware that many peeps are skeptical for good reason ..... there are a lot of freaks out there in the world.

My recommendation is to keep up with your posts and don't be in a hurry. Find someone who might be interested and start a continual chat conversation and get to know each other a bit. If there appears to be a possible fit ..... send an invitation to meet and see how it goes. Accept people for who they are and don't expect to change anyone.

There are still a lot of good down to earth people out there with a sense of adventure ..... just be patient and keep looking.

And if you do find a good first mate ....... talk about mutual expectations early on so there aren't any surprises down the road.

Good luck and happy hunting!

Cheers!

I totally agree. We semi-dinosaurs are still a handful, see life through an awesome lense of living in some great times, and love our old classic plastic with full keels and no trampolines.

Don't give up brother, there are others like ourselves out here still sailing and not in our armchairs. There are still more wonderful, awesome people in the world than a$$holes. Keep keeping on,

Fair Winds Friend, hope to meet up one day for a ration of grog.

Cheers!

[Briggers]

Originally Posted by bjp447

Just my thoughts
If you have had 3 marriages, multiple corporate jobs and are now a solitary sailor, it appears your partners and corporate peers may not be the issue.
sounds like you really just need a friend. Might want to consider docking somewhere for a little while and being part a community maybe a church group, sailing club, senior group till you get tired of people and head out again.
I had a friend who use to say " I like me, I want you to like me, and that is up to me". Actually there are probably forums for that - good luck.

I really like this reply...

[dan104]

From one old to another,


I find myself in a similar situation, I have worked long and hard have strong financial position and have sail for quite a while. I find myself at the stage where I can upgrade from my 30' to a solid 40 without thinking about cost. I have the skills the resources and a wife is just fine sitting on the couch.


She jokingly suggests I get a sailing wife.

Now I am 76, and in great health, so I am not looking for someone to take care of me either health or sex wise. I would just want someone who will share the work, enjoy the adventure, be there for night watches, want to learn and have a positive outlook. From there everything else is just gravy.


And to be honest anything else one might need to cover either health or love can be bought along the way if needed.


Prior to covid, I always had a full boat every weekend by listing on ASA site, and when I found women who were worried about being alone on a boat, I would just suggest bring a friend (don't care what gender), I am out for the sail, if I had the need to get an easy woman, I would just go to a hotel bar and see what the cash market brings. (I look very good with a stack of $100's in my pocket).

[ron17571]

I would get to know someone onshore before sailing off with them anywhere. I have found that as the years go by people have a lot of baggage. Maybe chatting with potential mates you might have ideas to present, about where you want to go and what you want to do when you get there. Good luck!

[CaptFigmo]

I have sailed with people, and I have sailed with my cat. I prefer my cat. There is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy my solitude as much as my cat

[dosscraft]

I understand what you are trying to say. I thought I was the only one. Good luck my friend, I haven’t given up yet but I’m not really pursuing it anymore. Hoping I run across that special crew one day

[sailorxyz]

Originally Posted by CaptFigmo

I have sailed with people, and I have sailed with my cat. I prefer my cat. There is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy my solitude as much as my cat

Thats me as well. Cat and I have a great time together and we don't particularly want anyone else on the boat.

[Zejha]

Originally Posted by Albinvega27

I am a single hand sailor al lifelong. I have no problem with solitude, nor silence. More likely I am aware of my psychological state I need to train, if taking somebody on board. But in the meantime I am 63 and although my boat is set up for single hand, I would love to have company once in a while. So, I started watching out for company. I have done in this Forum and I have done on other sailor places.



There is experience and experience. First to know, I have been Executive Officer in Multinational Companies and have made career in 3 continents. In this time I´ve had companies, which were mixed, female friendly, female unfriendly, male dominant or simply, talent. Me? I´ve had 3 marriages and I respected my 3 wife’s. My 1st One I almost hit her and I went for psychological treatment and stopped alcohol and drugs (Marijuana/Cocaine) 33 years ago. I felt, if I want to hit my wife (did not) I have a serious problem. Even more, my father taught us all his lifetime, to respect women and I myself find, for some stuff, women have much more talent than we man. But all this knowledge is personal and each and every one has his own opinion, which is good.



On one side I had people, who wanted to come with me who just simple as that, showed to want to have their experience and the experience of the skipper or boat, was no interest to them. So I figured, what I read between the lines of the communications was enough to stay out.

In the case of one guy, he even came to the Marina and after he left the Gas of the Grill running for the hole afternoon, and did not put on the tap of the oil, after I asked for oil change I decided, since I trust him my life during sailing, he was to flawsy for me and let him return home.

Last year I got a couple of requests for sailing with me. Most of them desperate, since the sailing world was shot down and a few people wanted to sail the world during the weekend, so opened their will for Atlantic crossing, Pacific crossing, Circumnavigation. But all of them had to be back home on Monday 8 am.

2 ladies asked which was the get up time, since they were used to sleep till noon and one of them meant, she did not liked cotton sheets. She was used to silk. Since I do not expect Victoria Secret Underwear, she cannot expect silk sheets and so, I responded she probably had to look out for husband N° 9, since she always had some kind of "silky" issues.

The latest has been yesterday when asking a young Lady (57) for a picture, since she wanted to sail with me from France to Portugal. Her response was, that she was not up to more, than sailing. So I realized, in today female mind we men are apparently ravaging monsters, when asking how they look. She probably never got it, that I was just asking for a picture by normal human curiosity.



Definitely I have become to understand, that "normal" human behavior and "curiosity" is no issue in today world. We are to find "crew" and women understand "screw" in their brain, the world is probably "internet sailing" and the sad, sad evolution is, that I feel old, tired and definitely have problems of adjustment, to this "crazy, overreacting and digitalized" world. So, I guess I change my plans and go for "single hand" sailing as long as God allows me to do so and then, to sell the boat or scrap it, because it is old but well maintained Ericson E30, but today world want new and fancy looking Jeanneau, Beneteau, Bavaria, Catalina. But no old and well-built cruisers...

I don’t usually post in here unless I’m interested in a crew position but I’d like to offer some insight as a 44 year old overweight and not very cute woman.

I am a strong sailor, navigator and communicator. Most of my months long sailing trips (including many offshore jumps) have been on boats of 26’ or less with zero amenities. I have a good disposition. I smile and keep a light positive demeanor under the most trying circumstances. I will jump to tasks happily before ever being asked because I know the things that need to be done on a boat. I have found these skills help make me a valuable crew mate. Basically, I’m not going to be running around the boat in a bikini but you can feel safe going to sleep with me on watch even in a storm and be greeted with a smile and kind words at shift change.

Saying that, if I was applying for crew and someone asked me for a picture, I would feel like I being judged for my looks rather than my skills. I understand the curiosity of wanting to know what a potential crew mate looks like but looks can also be deceiving especially if looking for crew, not romance. For me, as potential crew it would be more important to do a video call to see how the captain and I interact and communicate with each other. Just as a suggestion, maybe that’s an approach you can use in the future and you not only get to see the person but get to see better who they actually are and if they are a good fit.

I wish you all the best in your search for crew and your sails.

[XtaSea]

Both the boat and the prospective crew are analyzing all available data points to determine compatibility of various factors important to themselves.



It can be a frustrating process, however it is best if the incompatibilities are discovered well in advance of losing sight of the boarding marina.The sooner the better, and the initial online communication serves that purpose well.

[Idlegreg]

There may be a language issue and that is not your fault, but in reading the original post I came away unsure whether or not you are looking for a sailing crew, a friend or a lover. It is quite possible that you are relaxed about that and will accept what turns out, but you do appear a little defensive about the whole 'Women' thing and you might do better if you can be a bit more accepting of the way potential crew act on first contact. After all finding a crew has become a problem for you - so understand that someone looking for a boat might also have had bad experiences and be rather cautious.



It is true the World has changed, but maybe not as much as you think, I still remember a woman, on whose boat I crewed nearly 40 years ago, saying that before getting her boat she was taking crew positions and got frustrated that almost every Skipper was really after love or sex when she just wanted sailing experience. The person who reacted badly when you asked for a photo may have got fed up with an experience that has been felt by many women over very many years. If anything has changed it might just be that they now have the confidence to tell you what they really want - I am certain the feeling was always there. I believe a World in which anyone I offer a crew position to can be clear about what they want and what worries them is a better World. On telling you she did not want to send a photo did the conversation with the potential crew end? or could you have talked more and agreed to a trial sail? It might have gone well.



Both parties being honest about what they really want is probably key to happy sailing - I crewed on a couple of multi week trips when young, with people I slightly knew, and even then differences in agenda did create some stress. Since then I have had many different crew on my boat but almost all were people I had known over some time before sailing - except in one case with a woman I met when overwintering in Sweden. That was a sucess, but as well as passing contact in the boatyard we had spent one long winter evening chatting over beers and that gave me the confidence to ask when I needed help (and I suppose her to trust me and know I was actually looking for assitance sailing the boat - when I had torn a shoulder). I think some experience of each other is the key and you should read carefully what Zejha says. I would be much less interested in a photo than I would be in having a conversation on phone, Skype or best of all in person.


I think if you primarily show interest in a photo it is reasonable for the crew (especially if a woman) to assume you have romance in mind - that is not her being some crazy modern freak but her understanding the World she lives in. But it is sensible for you to want a good chat as a minimum - any potential crew should want the same. Better if you can actually meet before commiting and I cannot imagine setting out on a long voyage with someone I had not spent time with - are you planning to take on a crew and immediatly set out across an ocean ? Are you offering anyone a day sail as a starting point ?

[jordanbigel]

Originally Posted by rmlarson1098

Thanks for the thoughtful, honest post! One comment: as a male captain, asking a prospective crew - especially female - for a photo may be fraught with peril in this delicate world. I always ask (demand) that crew be 'Height-weight proportionate'. That might also be considered rude, and maybe even sexist/ageist, but you know what? I don't care. The crew doesn't have to be Capt. Slocum, but they must (MUST) be able to handle the sailboat if I kick the bucket at sea.
And that includes the Admiral.

Instead of "Height-weight proportionate" try "Fit" - or "Physically Fit". Just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore. And if Capt. Slocum wants to crew with you, run. That dude will just try to take over if you let him crew...

[Tanqueray]

Originally Posted by Idlegreg

There may be a language issue and that is not your fault, but in reading the original post I came away unsure whether or not you are looking for a sailing crew, a friend or a lover. It is quite possible that you are relaxed about that and will accept what turns out, but you do appear a little defensive about the whole 'Women' thing and you might do better if you can be a bit more accepting of the way potential crew act on first contact. After all finding a crew has become a problem for you - so understand that someone looking for a boat might also have had bad experiences and be rather cautious.



It is true the World has changed, but maybe not as much as you think, I still remember a woman, on whose boat I crewed nearly 40 years ago, saying that before getting her boat she was taking crew positions and got frustrated that almost every Skipper was really after love or sex when she just wanted sailing experience. The person who reacted badly when you asked for a photo may have got fed up with an experience that has been felt by many women over very many years. If anything has changed it might just be that they now have the confidence to tell you what they really want - I am certain the feeling was always there. I believe a World in which anyone I offer a crew position to can be clear about what they want and what worries them is a better World. On telling you she did not want to send a photo did the conversation with the potential crew end? or could you have talked more and agreed to a trial sail? It might have gone well.



Both parties being honest about what they really want is probably key to happy sailing - I crewed on a couple of multi week trips when young, with people I slightly knew, and even then differences in agenda did create some stress. Since then I have had many different crew on my boat but almost all were people I had known over some time before sailing - except in one case with a woman I met when overwintering in Sweden. That was a sucess, but as well as passing contact in the boatyard we had spent one long winter evening chatting over beers and that gave me the confidence to ask when I needed help (and I suppose her to trust me and know I was actually looking for assitance sailing the boat - when I had torn a shoulder). I think some experience of each other is the key and you should read carefully what Zejha says. I would be much less interested in a photo than I would be in having a conversation on phone, Skype or best of all in person.


I think if you primarily show interest in a photo it is reasonable for the crew (especially if a woman) to assume you have romance in mind - that is not her being some crazy modern freak but her understanding the World she lives in. But it is sensible for you to want a good chat as a minimum - any potential crew should want the same. Better if you can actually meet before commiting and I cannot imagine setting out on a long voyage with someone I had not spent time with - are you planning to take on a crew and immediatly set out across an ocean ? Are you offering anyone a day sail as a starting point ?

This was the best response...and mirrors my thoughts to a T.

I had no idea what your post was...a request, a complaint, a rant...?


Greg

[Ric Sheridan]

You need an Import Model. One who will appreciate you and clean the bilge, cook the food, mend the sail and keep you warm without any coercion or bribes. I did and I don't want any American women on my boat unless they are true Water Women. Of course my wife might not want them onboard either.
Sail On.

[davil]

most of the postings are from men recruiting a female crew and the fallout and complications regarding pictures and expectations.
Wonder what are the thoughts of prospective female crew looking for a position regarding a photo of the boat owner,any feelings/thoughts?
do they want to know what the boat owner looks like?
There are many women on this site.
Your opinion greatly appreciated