Convincing wife to liveaboard?

[kelbylinn]

I second the idea of having her much involved in boat selection. My wife actually found ours 42' GB Trawler on one end of the broker's dock while my son and I were looking at a DeFever 42' at the other end. It was a no brainer to me when she pointed out what she saw as advantages such as all the storage space. The fact that the engine room had much more space in it on the DeFever (for a big guy), was not important to her at all. Reality, we love "her" choice as much today as when we picked it up and moved it from Houston to Dauphin Island, AL. We've cruised down to the Keys and to this day she still mentions the initial things she liked as she uses them.

[liveaboard60]

Originally Posted by Grady Bunch

My wife and I are moving to South Carolina, we rented the house in Washington and hitting the road next month to move. I will be employed at a work from home position and my wife will be looking for the next step in her career. It is a huge step for her to move across the country away from all her family and friends and I am working on being understanding of that, I could move anywhere and be fine. I really want to buy a sailboat and liveaboard for a few years, at least until we have kids. She is really apprehensive about the idea as it is a small living space.
Do you have a spouse that was hard to convince to livaboard? How did you do it?

I am discussing with her the pro’s and cons of it, I understand completely that it is not as comfortable as a house and there are some large drawbacks, any advice you can give me to play up the benefits, community, view, opportunity, and lifestyle please help!

My wife suggested (tongue in cheek),

Let's see.. Take that wife of yours, who will now be upset with you, move her totally away from family and anyone she knows, and put her in a tiny space with nothing to do all day, into a marina filled with single, available men more than willing to listen her complaints.. Yeah that works..

Someone posted there are lots of boats for sale from guys who thought they had the misses convinced.. Well I'll bet you there are even more single guys who's wife got the boat in the divorce..

If you really want her to live aboard, you will have to give something up you want.. Maybe buy the boat in Washington so she is close to family and friends.. Personally I would give up the idea of moving unless she wants to!! (as in it is her idea to move)..

flk k

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by windcat

I agree with seaworthy lass. My problem is how do I convince my husband? We have owned a Catalina 30 for 15 years. Just about everything on it has been replaced with top of the line electronics, etc. it's just not quite finished and we haven't sailed in over two years. Last time we took her anywhere was to get her hauled out for her new engine. I even convinced him to go thru a year long course to obtain his MMC and is now a certified member of the engineering department. My dream is to sell our 3000 plus square foot house with huge yard and our current boat and buy something bigger. He says he wants to do it, but takes no action. It's breaking my heart every month as I write that big moorage check.

Lets go. You got the wrong man. I'm 73 and falling apart so I guess I'm not.

Getting rid of the house and yard, sounds great. But remember the grass on the bottom needs mowing also.

[Grady Bunch]

Originally Posted by oldragbaggers

Two books I can recommend for you to give her:
Changing Course: A Woman's Guide to Choosing the Cruising Life by Debra Cantrell and

Dragged Aboard by Don Casey

These two books address most of the concerns women have about the cruising life, and many of them are things that they may not even realize themselves, and certainly many are things that you would never think of. It's not all about space. There are many other things that play into women's fears. I have personally never had any of these fears as I have always wanted this life, but that being said there is so much practical advise on how to handle the day to day nuts and bolts of managing life aboard a boat (from a woman's perspective) that there is much to learn even if you are already sold on the lifestyle. These books are both addressed to women who had fears and reservations in the beginning. The bright spot is that almost all discovered that their fears were unfounded and they loved the cruising life far more than they ever thought they would.

I asked her if she was interested in these books and she said yes so I bought them for her. It will make a good read while we drive across the US.

[TrentePieds]

Grady:


Mebbe you need to “do a Tom Sawyer” - you know Mark Twain's story about painting the fence :-)


For me it worked out this way – I've told the story before, but, for you, I'll tell it again:


Long after I had attained an age when no man can reasonably expect such a thing, a lovely woman came into my life. We were sitting around on a NewYear's Day, and she sez: “Whaddaya wanna do?”. Being of that age when rambunctiousness is not necessarily the first thing to suggest itself, I say: “Go sailing”. I didn't really mean it.


She says: “Wonderful – let's go look at some boats!” Knowing a tad about boats I say: “Nah -you don't want a boat!” She sez: “Aw, come ON!”. I say “I'm tellin' ya! You don't want a boat!!” MyBeloved: “Aw come ON. It's a lovely day!”. Being a sap I say: “Well, I spose you can buy a Mirage 27 for the price of a coupla cases of good wine – harumph”


So we drive an hour and a half to the Mirage dealer's place. There are no Mirages, but there are 3 C&C27s sitting on the hard. MyBeloved clambers up the ladder, sticks her nose below and sez: “NOPE! - Not in a million years!” I say: “Tole you! You DON'T want a boat!!!”


She is coming down the ladder and looks out across the marina basin and sez:”The one over there – can we go look at it?” Me: “Sure – BUT YOU DON'T WANT A BOAT!!!” We go get the key and look at the boat. The moment she's below she sez: “Oooh! I LOVE this!” I say “You don't want a boat, not now, not ever!” By now there is an edge on my voice, and we leave it and go home.


Four months later I'm playing on the 'puter in the morning and I say: Hey lookit this! TrentePieds is still on the listings!” She sez: “WRITE THEN MAN A CHEQUE!”. Now there is an edge on HER voice – and I cave :-)!


TrentePieds

[captstu]

Find another wife. If this one doesn't already love the water, there is no hope.

[Sea Dreaming]

TrentePieds, like birds and dogs,I think boats pick their owners. Once the boat got it into her head ( or is that sole?).who was to be her new owner you did not have a choice. She is yours because she wanted you.

[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by Cadence

If you want to do some off shore sailing and also have shopping convenient I would not look at Charleston for the latter..

I guess this also depends on what type of life you have/want off the boat..Charleston has a lot going on. You may not be right down the street from a large grocery store, but the city is very walkable and has great architecture, etc. Great restaurants, shops, etc.
From what I have seen through minor research, marina space is expensive and seems a little hard to find..the cheaper places around town are booked up and have waiting lists of 2 years. There are a couple on the Ashley River that are nice, but expensive..I was down there looking at a boat on Saturday.
There are some on the Cooper as well, but waiting lists on 1 and the other has not returned my request for information.
Beaufort would be good as you suggested..they are putting in a mooring field that will run 200/mo, but it is a work in progress..although I think "progress" is the operative word there- as in there has not been any. Lol..

[TrentePieds]

Yep, Saliors of old were q

[CarlF]

Most people when they buy a house or rent an apartment are not particularly "deal" driven. For some reason, many people planning to buy a boat get fixated on getting a great deal on the boat purchase. This will be your and your wife's home.

When buying a house, most people start with location. Then they have a budget and a list of "must haves" and "nice to have".

Do this the same way. Figure out the marina first. Visit them. These will be your neighbors and much of your social life in your new home. I think it's much easier to make friends at a new marina than a new neighborhood ashore. But some are better than others.

For the boat, get out of "camping" mindset. Even you will tire of this. I have a short list of what it takes for me (everyone has their own ideas for this list)

Hot shower with a door

Electric flush head that is comfy enough to read a newspaper

Bed that is big enough so we don't keep waking each other up and one that doesn't make my back ache

Fridge and feeezer that are not a pain in the neck to use and will keep ice cream hard

Enough storage space (any boat will require significant "down sizing" but some boats just aren't designed to store all the clothes a working person requires)

Good natural light and ventilation in the cabin

Heat and air conditioning

You should be braced that the above boat may not be what you imagined. But would you ask your wife to move across the country and live in a camper?

[TrentePieds]

Yep. Sailors of old were quite convinced that ships have souls. Some are benign, some are even loving, but there are a few that will try to kill you.

TrentePids

[saisoon]

Figured it was easier eventualley to get another boat then a good wife...I sold the boat

[HighTemp]

Originally Posted by CarlF

Hot shower with a door

Electric flush head that is comfy enough to read a newspaper

Bed that is big enough so we don't keep waking each other up and one that doesn't make my back ache

Fridge and feeezer that are not a pain in the neck to use and will keep ice cream hard

Enough storage space (any boat will require significant "down sizing" but some boats just aren't designed to store all the clothes a working person requires)

Good natural light and ventilation in the cabin

Heat and air conditioning

With the exception of a generator, we have almost the exact same "must have" list, especially #2!

[TomLewis]

I made sure my wife went with me to look at boats. My current broker is a Captain and a mother of two children. It was a great discussion between a liveaboard and my wife. We have decided on a boat, going through the process now. She wants a new galley, so be it. She is also involved in all of the decision making so this is her boat also. Works so far.

[vjm]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

If you plan on trying to convince her into camping full time, it won't work. I've never met a woman, my wife included, who would ever agree to water being rationed. The same with toting dirty laundry all over town, and don't even think about showing her a composting toilet unless you want to live the dream alone.

That's interesting. I know several, including myself. Funny how stereotypes and drawing global conclusions from experience that is neccesarily limited isnt really useful when applied to real life.

OP knows his/her wife. We don't. She could be a hardcore cold weather camper or luxury loving. Those kinds of things will be important in pursuing any part of this dream. Convince? No. Expose your partner to something new and see if they like it? Sure. What form that takes will depend on way too many factors for anyone else to consider. Chartering is a great idea just to see if both of you actually enjoy it.

And that "Changing Course" book is one of the few sailing books I really did not like. Takes all kinds I suppose, just like everything else.