Dating, Relationships livingaboard

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I've never understood why some think that single people are selfish. We are free to travel the world wherever we want to go, set our own schedules, pair up when the urge hits, remain alone if that's desired, spend our own money on things we want, and all without having to make sure it's OK with another person. Perhaps they're jealous

"Darling, I think we should break up" is probably going though a few married people's mind after reading this.....



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[daletournier]

Originally Posted by hoppy

"Darling, I think we should break up" is probably going though a few married people's mind after reading this.....



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Lol

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[Island Time O25]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I've never understood why some think that single people are selfish. We are free to travel the world wherever we want to go, set our own schedules, pair up when the urge hits, remain alone if that's desired, spend our own money on things we want, and all without having to make sure it's OK with another person. Perhaps they're jealous

It's actually much simpler than that. If you have a balanced and happy life as a single (or in an open non-committed relationship) why would you want to get into a marriage/live together mode if it will not improve what you already have? I could never understand needy, whiny, clingy women (usually with a bunch of unresolved personal, financial and other issues on top of everything) demanding from their happy and content male friends with benefits some sort of serious commitment. What's in it for him?

[gamayun]

Originally Posted by hoppy

"Darling, I think we should break up" is probably going though a few married people's mind after reading this.....

Actually, you married men need us single women. Wherever I go in the world, are solo married travelers/divers, usually older, whose wives would rather stay home. We tend to hook up (and not in any sexual tense). They're very nice, of course, and nice company, but I'm usually very happy to see them go after a day or so.

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by gamayun

I've never understood why some think that single people are selfish. We are free to travel the world wherever we want to go, set our own schedules, pair up when the urge hits, remain alone if that's desired, spend our own money on things we want, and all without having to make sure it's OK with another person. Perhaps they're jealous

Hey your not helping me here...lol, I can relate way to much, and our boat choice is a " Freedom" lol.
And in regards to the other post " what's in it for him" are we allowed to ask that? Because I can tell you it goes through my head regularly.
Imagine that ,questioning the norm!
I got asked once in all seriousness , do I believe I should have the right to vote, seeing I'd chosen not to have children, therefore havent contributed!

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[Island Time O25]

Originally Posted by daletournier

Hey your not helping me here...lol, I can relate way to much, and our boat choice is a " Freedom" lol.
And in regards to the other post " what's in it for him" are we allowed to ask that? Because I can tell you it goes through my head regularly.
Imagine that ,questioning the norm!
I got asked once in all seriousness , do I believe I should have the right to vote, seeing I'd chosen not to have children, therefore havent contributed!

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I would ask the other way around - do those who in today's world still end up overpopulating it with children should be allowed to vote considering their total lack of sanity?

[atoll]

Originally Posted by Island Time O25

I would ask the other way around - do those who in today's world still end up overpopulating it with children should be allowed to vote considering their total lack of sanity?

who else is going to supply the cannon fodder,it's kids who fight wars for the wiser elders

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by atoll

who else is going to supply the cannon fodder,it's kids who fight wars for the wiser elders

If there are no kids to fight wars, then we won't have wars


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[atoll]

Originally Posted by hoppy

If there are no kids to fight wars, then we won't have wars


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the rich elites will just employ aging mercenaries instead,and find a way of having their kids on the QT

[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by gamayun

...Nothing a good flogging won't cure to keep him in line

Sometimes that can be fun also.

[SeeLevel]

Anyone know when Ann Landers will be checking in . . . ?

(I'm sure she's still around, probably hanging out with Elvis)

[lorrie]

Originally Posted by Charlie

Interesting Posts here. Just getting thru with a 19 year old marriage. We met sailing. My goal in life was to have kids and take them sailing around the world. Hers was to go cruising. She had lived on a boat before we married. I talked her into having kids. She wanted to have enough money so that we had a house to come back to. She didn't want to start over. By the time I had financially had put us in the right place to sail and own a house/hobby farm. She went and bought another dog. A big one. That means 10 years before we could go sailing by my definition -- but not hers. The compromise was a boat in Europe that we could sail in the summers till the kids went off to college. Other things got in the way till we weren't on the same page anymore.

The communication wasn't there. We said the same words but me thinks they had a different definition. Everyone of us has a different meaning to the word sailing. Mine was adventure, long passages, etc. Hers was overnight sails and shorter passages. Don't get me wrong she is a good woman but we hadn't agreed on defintions for our vocabulary. In the end kids and sailing as a family kept us together longer then we should have been. l think that what Ann and the others with long term term relationships have said is that the communication has to be on the same level with the same definition for the words. Then there is the respect. Jim obviously respects Ann and vice a versa.

Well the search is on and I am taking some of what was said here as good advice. Start with a sailor. Make sure your dictionaries are the same. Respect going both ways. Meet in a sailing community.

I think that for a relationship to last you have to be spiritually compatible as well. Wish me luck.

Charlie
Sorry this happened with you also. We have been chatting a little over time since we are from the same place, Nevada City.

My life partner and I had the same situation, it happens.
He didn't like boats or the water.
It is a problem, hard to accept when life takes you different directions.
Now I enjoy my life on my terms.
I believe it must be like souls with like goals. I would die attempting to live his life.



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[Sandero]

I suspect a perfect partner as a wife, mother and sailor... not to mention the other desires or needs one may have for a partner... ain't happening except in very rare circumstances. It's certainly easy to conceptualize this... getting all the teeth in the gears to mesh is a whole other problem.

Sailing is pretty technical/mechanical and most women from the get go have little interest in such things. How many women will attempt repairs in their home as opposed to calling some service person? I suspect that this technical competence/interest is the first key mis match of numbers. And lets not forget that the typical man wants a feminine partner who doesn't have dirt under her nails and smells nice all the time not to mention easy on the eyes. Looking purdy may come with no effort to the 20 something crowed but becomes an increasing challenge as one gets older. I think and I may be wrong on this... but fewer women then men have the wanderlust that sailing requires... or just getting of the well beaten track. And I think women seem to want children and a family more than men and they see parenting as a big part of their lives. Less so for males.

Why we have these sorts of differences is another matter. But I think it's real and makes for match up difficult. Most of the women I've sailed with (one exception) lovely and smart as they were... simply wouldn't want to sail off for years on end exploring other places. Most would be OK with limited cruising for maybe up to 6 months and back to career and land stuff. And as such these women never seemed to see the need to develop their "technical" skills to the point of self sufficiency that men seem to.

I consider myself a single handed sailor... and did my cruising alone and with various ladies along the way for brief stints... and returned, kept the boat and married and converted the wife to someone who feels comfortable on the boat, makes for good company and helps out in limited ways with no interest in becoming more of a sailor. So I remain a single hander technically with wonderful company (she's good at watch keeping) which frees me up to do stuff aboard. We're OK with the arrangement.

She came with children and now grandchildren and I can't ever see her as the type to sail off leaving them behind. I suspect her type is more the rule than the exception.

I wonder how many "tight" couples are out there cruising the world "full time"? My guess would be that it's in the hundreds to a few thousand at most. Anyone have a good idea about this? And how many single or even married men are looking for / wanting a partner to sail off into the sunset with and have the boat or just the dream? Tens of thousands?

++++

Living a single lifestyle is not selfish... you don't do anything at anyone else's expense. And so you have no one to be obligated to make happy.

[REsCat]

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

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I had to smile, Hudson writes that he and Nancie are not exceptional. He is wrong, couples like him and her are very rare, very high levels of good naturedness and willingness to approach things together. Perhaps he feels humble, but they're really special. He's the only one like him on CF, with its thousands of members.
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Ann

He is not the only one , in terms of having a "life spouse" willing to share and enjoy the dream with him. It was my dream (and my background) that my wife was willing to try, and rely on my skills initially.
Now it is her dream and passion as well.
It has not been easy, we never expected it would be...
raising three daughters and pursuing careers and gathering resources.

I would not want to do this alone, but if placed on that path I would try it.
Someone to share the experiences we read and write about on CF is out there for many,most? but not everyone unfortunately.
I know I am stating the obvious but it might take a few attempts but stay focused and adaptable and part time is still very rewarding.
You have to try and stay in circulation to meet the right person, "the keeper", be it on land and away from a boat or around other boaters.
The internet "Proper meeting sites" have worked for many close friends and aquaintances of mine and I wouldn't hesitate exploring them if my circumstances changed.

Bob

[lorrie]

I am hearing many different expectations here.
Adventure Cruises and overnight passages does not indicate full time cruising. Give and take is what marriage is about. I am not a expert however, I did walk away from a 26 year marriage because of this miss understanding. It wasn't even about sailing, travel, any type. We sold the house, bought a RV and owned a boat. We has a diesel truck.
We had over 80k into this plan. We planned it for years. There was only one problem, he really didn't want to go. After many conversations and compromises, I left. It was hard to believe we had all this equipment and I could even drive it.

I took up sailing and coastal cruising.
I am currently on a road trip in a camper van. You can compromise but never and I say never give up your life. Many woman fly to far destinations that they do not want to sail to. Husbands take crew and everyone wins. I would never want to force someone to do something they do not want to, neither would enjoy it.
Yes, single is not selfish. I did the right thing for both of us.
Still sad about it but you cannot make it what it is not.



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