Dating, Relationships livingaboard

[daletournier]

Originally Posted by boatman61

I would not say they are looking for a 'Provider'.. more likely a 'Defender' to help protect her young and give stability..
Leo generally just lays around waiting for the women to get back with his MacEmu...

Yes, I agree. I could have worded that differently.

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[a64pilot]

Back 35 yrs ago I met a girl of 17. She was living with her Father who had remarried and she had Stepsisters. She was so well loved that for Christmas her Stepmother gave her luggage.
Think she was looking for all those things those predatory females you guys are talking about? She dropped out of school and came out with me to Oklahoma and later we Married and bang right away she gets Pregnant.
Falls right in line with what you guys have been saying right?
Except she went to school and got her nursing degree and later her Teachers certificate.
Now there was a time where just like you guys said she decided she didn't need me anymore. But I didn't give up and it didn't take her too long to decide that I wasn't as bad a guy as all her divorced buddies were telling her I was, and that life as a divorced middle aged woman wasn't all the fun she had been led to believe.

So 35 years later, the kids are almost gone one left to go to College next year, and she has decided she will go cruising with me.
I believe we are more in love now than at any time in the past, Sex is as good, no actually better for both of us even though we have both lost our looks.
I'm looking forward to I hope 20 more years with this Woman, because to be perfectly truthful I wouldn't know what to do without her.

It can work, there are good people out there. Yes you do have to make concessions and as long as both are doing that you can live a long, and happy life together


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[daletournier]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

Back 35 hrs ago I met a girl of 17. She was living with her Father who had remarried and she had Stepsisters. She was so well loved that for Christmas her Stepmother have her luggage.
Think she was looking for all those things those predatory females you guys are talking about? She dropped out of school and came out with me to Oklahoma and later we Married and bang right away she gets Pregnant.
Falls right in line with what you guys have been saying right?
Except she went to school and got her nursing degree and later her Teachers certificate.
Now there was a time where just like you guys said she decided she didn't need me anymore. But I didn't give up and it didn't take her too long to decide that I wasn't as bad a guy as all her divorced buddies were telling her I was, and that life as a divorced middle aged woman wasn't all the fun she had been led to believe.

So 35 years later, the kids are almost gone one left to go to College next year, and she has decided she will go cruising with me.
I believe we are more in love now than at any time in the past, Sex is as good, no actually better for both of us even though we have both lost our looks.
I'm looking forward to I hope 20 more years with this Woman, because to be perfectly truthful I wouldn't know what to do without her.

It can work, there are good people out there. Yes you do have to make concessions and as long as both are doing that you can live a long, and happy life together


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Congratulations, I mean that. What I mentioned isn't about " predatory" or "good" thats us needing to use labels.

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[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by Lizzy Belle

When dating, the boat -or rather, my refusing to move back to land and just go to the boat on a sunny Sunday afternoon- usually becomes a deal breaker.

Anyone who wants to change you to fit their idea of how you should be, can take a flying leap in my opinion. If who you are is a "deal breaker", then they are not worth the time.
To me, a female liveaboard would exhibit a person that is independent and totally at peace with who they are, and that is more valuable than someone that "needs" me to define who they are. I don't need a "mirror" for a companion..someone who is being who they think I want..
For me, a good woman who also owns a boat is a plus, not a detriment.

[a64pilot]

I actually agree with all that has been said. That is Human nature, I believe we are pre disposed to act in exactly the manner you guys describe.
I also believe we are pre disposed to be exceedingly violent, I see something I want, I take it, the weak will die off, survival of the fittest.

But we are not animals, we have the ability to decide. We have a culture where defense of the helpless is considered noble and honorable.
We have the ability to determine our own values and actions. We have a choice we do not have to give into our animal instincts


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[boatman61]

Originally Posted by scgilligan

For me, a good woman who also owns a boat is a plus, not a detriment.

A+100..
1 in the Med.. 1 in the Caribe.. winters in the Islands and summers in the Med..
2 deliveries a year to keep the funds going.. and no more flying..
I could live with that..



or a bar..

[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by boatman61

..
2 deliveries a year to keep the funds going..

Sounds like a perfect "job" to me..you need a first mate? Lol.

[Celestialsailor]

This has been a really good thread and I hope the op is taking it all in and it hasn't turned into a gun thread yet!

[uncle stinkybob]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

Back 35 hrs ago I met a girl of 17. She was living with her Father who had remarried and she had Stepsisters. She was so well loved that for Christmas her Stepmother gave her luggage.
Think she was looking for all those things those predatory females you guys are talking about? She dropped out of school and came out with me to Oklahoma and later we Married and bang right away she gets Pregnant.
Falls right in line with what you guys have been saying right?
Except she went to school and got her nursing degree and later her Teachers certificate.
Now there was a time where just like you guys said she decided she didn't need me anymore. But I didn't give up and it didn't take her too long to decide that I wasn't as bad a guy as all her divorced buddies were telling her I was, and that life as a divorced middle aged woman wasn't all the fun she had been led to believe.

So 35 years later, the kids are almost gone one left to go to College next year, and she has decided she will go cruising with me.
I believe we are more in love now than at any time in the past, Sex is as good, no actually better for both of us even though we have both lost our looks.
I'm looking forward to I hope 20 more years with this Woman, because to be perfectly truthful I wouldn't know what to do without her.

It can work, there are good people out there. Yes you do have to make concessions and as long as both are doing that you can live a long, and happy life together


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum

Truly a great story! As a three time divorcee, I like to hear of the great success in marriage's. My parents were married for 52 years before dad passed. I'm cool with being single now but well remember the pain of failed relationships and huge financial loss as the primary earner, starting over for retirement 3 times sucks!! Truly, Congratulations a64pilot. I hope you get another 30 years together.

[Island Time O25]

Originally Posted by daletournier

I say this very much with respect. Im reading a book at the moment " sex at dawn" that is very well researched and does suggest that the "idea of romantic love" or marrying for romantic love is quite a new idea....in fact there are a number of cultures that dont have words to describe it. It also suggests that hardwired into female genes is the "looking for a provider" whether this at concious level or not. Men are hardwired differently. It questions the whole idea of the way we do relationships or at least why.
A couple of the posts may not be politically correct but the writers are entitled to an opinion, that opinion isnt nessacarily "ugly", in fact there may be some substance to it whether we like it or not.

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The "romantic" part of marital relationship is quite recent phenomena, 150-200 years or so. Prior to that all the way back to the ancient times marriage and love were not connected. In fact for the most of human recorded history love was a subbranch of "madness". Practically all pre-industrial revolution marriages were of arranged or "economic interest" type where the sides were not expected to be in love, let alone madly in love. Perhaps respect, adoration, resignation, etc. but not love.

Today with excessive emphasis on love we are at a loss what to do with a marriage when that feeling of "love" subsided or becomes non-existent because for the past 150-200 years we have not been taught to enter into and to continue a relationship which has lost (or never had to begin with) its' "love" component. Thus, 50%+ (if not higher) of all marriages end in divorce, a true testament to the unworkability of that official legal model in modern times. Not saying that the old model of arranged marriages as better or would be workable today but that the current model is not working is quite evident on it face.

Each time my g/f of 10+ years brings up, however subtly, the subject of marriage I keep reminding her of a semi-facetious pact we jokingly made years ago. Back then we have agreed that if we find among all the people we know at least one (!) couple who is happily married for some lengthy time AND both of us would want to emulate their marriage and life together then we would discuss a marriage for ourselves. Forward 10 years we have yet to find such a couple. Although, according to some CF members, they do exist, we just haven't met one personally. ))

PS Of course there are couples which I consider model but not my g/f and vice versa.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by scgilligan

Sounds like a perfect "job" to me..you need a first mate? Lol.

Got a boat in the Caribe..??

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

Back 35 hrs ago I met a girl of 17. She was living with her Father who had remarried and she had Stepsisters. She was so well loved that for Christmas her Stepmother gave her luggage.
Think she was looking for all those things those predatory females you guys are talking about? She dropped out of school and came out with me to Oklahoma and later we Married and bang right away she gets Pregnant.
Falls right in line with what you guys have been saying right?

Aren't you a bit old for a 17 year old.

Getting her to drop out of school, marrying her and knocking her up all in the space of 35 hrs is an impressive effort anyway, well done

[scgilligan]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Got a boat in the Caribe..??

If I did, I would not be sitting at this !@#$%$ Desk.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by hoppy

Aren't you a bit old for a 17 year old.

Getting her to drop out of school, marrying her and knocking her up all in the space of 35 hrs is an impressive effort anyway, well done

OK, fixed, it. My typing skills, well aren't skills. I'm so slow I often post only to find out I'm posting what someone else already said.

PS Our Daughter is 17, and we do not bring up our past to our 17 yr old.
Lord 17 is a child, I was 21 and she was 18 when she crossed state lines, I was no Felon

[SV.Maverick]

This topic comes up from time to time much like the old "how much does it cost to cruise" topic. Truth is the dating on boats is the same thing, it's different for each person. If you do well in the dating pool on land you will do ok living aboard. The comments about keeping the boat and yourself in good shape are true and has always been what has worked for me. I still would like to find the perfect first mate as most I have found are far more interested in their nails and not breaking one than they are learning how to tack. I'm not saying that's all bad however many times I feel like I run a vip charter business for one. Just once I want to hear " just relax I'll tack".