LGBT Dating

[OrcaMan42]

With everyone having cell phones these days it’s easy to pick up an app & find a date. But what happens when you mention water, boats or sailing? They seem to act like I’m preparing to unleash the kraken and they run for the hills. That said if you’d like to find a first mate, how do you think it’s best to go about finding them? Sandy beach bar? Different online space? Sailing community? Press gang a land lover? Stay single & keep sailing to a new port?

[JPA Cate]

On dating sites, only query people who list sailing as a hobby.

Don't ask.

Ann

[grantmc]

It's not just LGBTQ dating, most str8 dating too, plus friends and family are mostly averse to try sailing. Don't take it personally OP. Are people perhaps frightened of going on the sea in a little boat or just timid, risk averse? I don't understand the reluctance.

I have found though that an invitation to a drink or just a simple meal on the boat usually works OK. But you have to make it clear to your new friend that the boat wont be leaving the dock, so they're safe. The fun is in the chase, and so we have to learn to wind them in to our watery ways with care over time.

I will just add I had the fantastic pleasure a few years ago of teaching a young woman to sail. She was from the UK and here in New Zealand on a 12 month visitor visa. She learnt the basics of sailing and she crewed for me on a Cook Straight crossing (a very challenging piece of water) and we spent a delightful few days cruising in the Marlborough Sounds. This occurred towards the expiry of her visa. And over those few days she told me about all of the places she'd been to and experienced here in NZ. In her short time she'd been to may places I'd never been to in my own country and over my much longer life.

She explained that she lived her life with a policy of never saying No. She was determined to experience every opportunity that fate, friends and even acquaintances offered. Obviously she considered risk too, but what a fantastic example of how to live the one and only life we ever get.

[OrcaMan42]

Originally Posted by grantmc

It's not just LGBTQ dating, most str8 dating too, plus friends and family are mostly averse to try sailing. Don't take it personally OP. Are people perhaps frightened of going on the sea in a little boat or just timid, risk averse? I don't understand the reluctance.

I have found though that an invitation to a drink or just a simple meal on the boat usually works OK. But you have to make it clear to your new friend that the boat wont be leaving the dock, so they're safe. The fun is in the chase, and so we have to learn to wind them in to our watery ways with care over time.

I will just add I had the fantastic pleasure a few years ago of teaching a young woman to sail. She was from the UK and here in New Zealand on a 12 month visitor visa. She learnt the basics of sailing and she crewed for me on a Cook Straight crossing (a very challenging piece of water) and we spent a delightful few days cruising in the Marlborough Sounds. This occurred towards the expiry of her visa. And over those few days she told me about all of the places she'd been to and experienced here in NZ. In her short time she'd been to may places I'd never been to in my own country and over my much longer life.

She explained that she lived her life with a policy of never saying No. She was determined to experience every opportunity that fate, friends and even acquaintances offered. Obviously she considered risk too, but what a fantastic example of how to live the one and only life we ever get.

I get it, I guess I just don’t understand it? I lived in the desert of New Mexico for a few years to try something new, I also white water rafted in downtown Denver & seen a 16 foot tall moose walk through the mall shopping. So many jokes... I’ve came face to face with a super herd of 500 deer, an albino python, rattle snakes, bears, mountain lions etc. if there was something out there that wanted me dead, I’d have given them plenty of opportunities. But boating? Millions of people do it all the time. We’ve been sailing over 10,000 years. The spirit of adventure, discovery and leading with my heart is how I’ve lived my life and I don’t regret it ever. People hurt me more than animals do. To me sailing opens the world completely because you can explore both above and below water anywhere. How could you say no?

[soopad00pa]

I don't think it's difficult to get someone to go out sailing once or twice. To get someone new to join on a cruise? That's another ball o wax and I'd have no clue on how to make something like that work well...

[Fore and Aft]

OrcaMan42 I think it can also depend how you come across. You sound pretty gung-ho which isn't a sailing characteristic that appeals to me. Just reading what you said let alone without having a drink with you. It sounds like you are happy to put your life and who ever is crazy enough to sail with you lives on the line.
You need to prove to your mate than you are good in a crisis (not looking for one) and capable of protecting them. That can only be proved over time and with a slow introduction into sailing and your ability's.
But to be honest I think it's just luck if you find the right person in life.
Cheers

[Jammer]

Originally Posted by OrcaMan42

With everyone having cell phones these days it’s easy to pick up an app & find a date. But what happens when you mention water, boats or sailing? They seem to act like I’m preparing to unleash the kraken and they run for the hills. That said if you’d like to find a first mate, how do you think it’s best to go about finding them? Sandy beach bar? Different online space? Sailing community? Press gang a land lover? Stay single & keep sailing to a new port?

Not a GLBTQ-specific problem. Sailing is insular, straight, and white. There are lots of straight men and trad man-woman couples where he's in charge. Also true in other adventure activities like aviation, scuba, and rock climbing. Hard to find companions regardless of your orientation unless your relationship goals are modeled on 007 movies.


Best wishes for your search.

[OrcaMan42]

Hard to find companions regardless of your orientation unless your relationship goals are modeled on 007 movies.


Gold finger? Yes I did go there. But I’ll never go black tie unless I’m in a coffin, even then it’s not going to be my choice. I don’t care how many vodka shaken martinis you serve me.

They always seem to say join a club of something you’re into & find a partner there. But if you’re on the hook? It’s not like you’re going to start anything meaningful in the produce department in a grocery.

[OrcaMan42]

Originally Posted by Fore and Aft

OrcaMan42 I think it can also depend how you come across. You sound pretty gung-ho which isn't a sailing characteristic that appeals to me. Just reading what you said let alone without having a drink with you. It sounds like you are happy to put your life and who ever is crazy enough to sail with you lives on the line.
You need to prove to your mate than you are good in a crisis (not looking for one) and capable of protecting them. That can only be proved over time and with a slow introduction into sailing and your ability's.
But to be honest I think it's just luck if you find the right person in life.
Cheers

Gung-Ho? Perhaps frustrated? Im a very chill guy for a Leo. I’m not really a big drinker. Coffee, sure. I’m not even talking about putting a life on the line. I’d think that it would be more important to have all the safety gear onboard? Life jackets, Epurb, radios etc. I’d think it would be more important to have plans to avoid and prevent emergencies than to prove I can protect them? After all if I can put myself onboard then they’re just as safe and protected as I am? Right? I’ve heard everything from them wanting to keep their feet on the ground, to not knowing how deep the water is or what is under them, sharknado fears... 🤦🏻*♂️ The list goes on. You’d think I’d be taking the prince out of a glass case for the first time?

[Fore and Aft]

OrcaMan42 you must be asking the wrong crowd. Maybe it's an age thing if you're 42? Certainly when I was young and single (teenager) talking sailing to the ladies was a good way to gauge whether we were compatible or not. Eventually I met the lady who knew just as much as me (nothing) and the rest is history.
All your experiences you mention are just experiences that can be over in a matter of hours if you choose. Being on a sailboat means the experience could go on for days with no chance to bail out. What your asking of a partner usually takes years of trust building before it happens.
Safety gear is just that, not much good if you are not experienced enough to avoid putting yourself and crew in danger.
Cheers