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lillypink · 24-10-2012, 01:08

My partner and i are planning a change and are looking at the liveaboard option to travel for a couple of years. Whilst we are at the early stages of planning we are so excited it is hard to keep our plans to ourselves. However, we know if we share our plans negitivity and doubts will be put in our way. What i want to know is
1. when is the best time to tell friends and family (or do you just go)

2. what are the most common arguments they will throw at us and how have you all dealt with these arguments?
any other advice? Thank you

**Seaworthy Lass** · 24-10-2012, 01:22

Hi Lillypink. Welcome to the forum!

In answer to your questions:

1. Once we were seriously planning to go, we gradually introduced people to the idea that "we may do it some time".
Much easier than constantly having to fend off questions (and smirks) about how the "plan" is going and it avoids some of the shock when you announce it closer to the time (9 months in our case).

2. Why do you have to justify to anyone what you are doing? I dealt with a lot of shocked responses, but never any arguments!

gonesail · 24-10-2012, 02:14

worrying about what other people think will be the least of your problems ..

foolishsailor · 24-10-2012, 02:39

There is a saying in the cruising community:

10% of all the people who say they are going to buy a boat, do

10% of people who own a boat use it

10% of people who use a boat actually cruise

10% of people who cruise leave their country

10% of people who are cruising cross an ocean

10% of people who cross an ocean go RTW

The reason for this? The dream rarely matches the reality. Sailing, living aboard and cruising is really hard, much harder than living on dirt. S much so that it can shock many people. Is it worth it, of course if it is what you want.

My point? Maybe buy the boat first before you tell anyone your plans. Owning a boat for a couple months will let you know how far you want to take it.

MysticGringo · 24-10-2012, 02:49

Just send them a postcard...

oldragbaggers · 24-10-2012, 05:09

We've been telling everyone for 30 years that this is what we want to do "someday when we retire." Back then, when we first announced the idea, it was so far away that no one really worried too much about it. Since then we've been sailing and talking about the idea all along so now that someday is only a few years away (3-1/2 if the economy improves enough for us to be able to sell our house) it is more or less expected and I think everyone would actually be shocked if we DIDN'T do it.

However, I agree with a previous poster that there is no reason to make a hard declaration of your intent unless you are only a short time away from your actual cast off date. And it's true that cruising isn't always what people think when they are first having the dream. It's not always languishing in a beautiful lagoon with a mai tai in hand. I have only been on short coastal cruises so far, but even so have had some miserable, rough, cold, uncomfortable, hanging over the lee rail wishing I was dead days. Fortunately, I have also had so many wonderful times that I still want to do it despite that and I think those days are a reasonable trade-off for the adventure and the freedom. I have known of other people though, that even though they have had some sailing experience, have hit a rough patch during a cruise, maybe had a serious mishap on the boat, or been ill, or really miserable for a period of days and have gotten off the boat and never set foot on it again.

Lynn Pardey wrote that she spent the first day or two of every passage laying on the cabin sole, sick as a dog. But she has been doing it for decades. Not everyone would be willing to endure that, regardless of the reward.

So, yes, get some experience, take a couple of vacation cruises, go out sometimes when conditions are less than ideal. Then if you still feel confident that this is what you want to do I would say why not share the plan!!

**Hudson Force** · 24-10-2012, 05:37

We never thought to keep a secret of our plans for moving aboard and I only recall one negative response that came from a bank loan officer who was evaluating our prospects of financing the boat while we were in our early twenties. This guy had the audacity to suggest that we should buy house first and consider the boat later in life. No one among our friends and family ever presened any negative thoughts. If something negative is said, I would just smile and nod,-- What leverage could they have to derail your plans?

rtbates · 24-10-2012, 06:36

The sooner the better..

Who cares what they say, unless you have doubts and are afraid they can and will try to talk you out of it..

I've done lots of things over the years that everyone in my family disliked or would rather I not do, BUT no one even hinted at trying to talk me out of doing it...

As long as you've done your homework and YOU have no doubts, tell them NOW...

zeehag · 24-10-2012, 07:08

just buy a boat, start preparing it for a tip.. see how far ye get. mebbe buy another aready ready, start fixing it up. see how you feel then. it took me from 1990 when i bouht my first project boat, to 2011, when i finally had enough work done on this formosa to get it out of sd bay--but the threat of an eviction--i had 2 boats on moorings, bylaws state thou shalt only have one mooring for one boat..LOL... i got out o dodge--prolly wasnt "ready" lol--that is a joke--READY!!?? RODLMAO. READY.
what is READY!!??
is easy to get work done outside of usa--less pricey, less fuss, less balderdash from wannabe designers who are truly only workerbees...

READY is a state of mind invented by those who havent the ability nor motivation to loosen the docklines an go. is truly an easy event. no, that last coat of varnish was superfluous.unnecessary. is only a task to keep the boat at dock.
doesnt take much except the desire to shuck it all an just go.
it helps if the boat floats. helps if sails havent been shredded yet. that will come, trust me..LOL and it willbe FUN!!!(bring along spare tarps..LOL)
also helps if the thru hull fittings dont leak ..good mine didnt--yet..LOL
there are important things to finish and unimportant things that can be done much easier on the road, as it were.
we are fortunate today to have places along the routes we travel wherein there are parts, labor and haulout yards--in th e forgotten past, there used to be nothing for ever---mebbe some carening coves and wharves, mebbe a sandy beach--and copper cladding the wood hulls...did the folks sailing long ago worry about ready with varnish on wood?? hellno. swab those decks. raise those sails. get out of dodge.

ok now what do we tell our worrying families?? i have a momma who wants to know every where her baby is--i am first born--i have to assuage momma's poor baby loving nerves. i bought spot tracker. momma is now happy.

when do ye tell em youre leaving safety of port and land???? yo KNOW family has the impression i wrote about above--so when DO ye tell em you are going out into the untamed ea with hurrycames all around and monsters in the bermuda triangle and horrific deaths at sea????

lol...after ye leave and spot is tracking ye??? only if you have a sat fone....("hi, ma--i am sailing the world--i didnt tell ye before because i thought the idea would kill ye")..
before, so they can chain your boat to dock and hold a wailing session?? dont think so
(might be a lil overstated, but ye get the idea?)
i am glad i trained my momma to know her baby is always in harm's way--she doesnt worry in public so much--mebbe it was my working as a flag person at sporty car racing--standing in the freeway waving a flag is as smart as sailing solo without a tether....but it worked. mebbe it was my wrking in bad neighborhoods i was taught to remain out of that got momma a lil numbed--dont know-i didnt ask her, yet...LOL

mebbe take some family out to dinner and have a good chat about the situation then begin in earnest?
mebbe buy the boat then speak your mind?? i dont know--no one in my family ever told me not to do these fun things i do. i do what i feel like doing--forget the approval factor. yes i WAS raised right, but i learned, in my family, brought up to have been a freeking princess, that sailing was fun. i had to escape my grand mother(momma's momma) to do this in the first place--'t'aint no biggie if i dont have APPROVAL--
how do you guys all train momma to rest well when you sail in deep water??
and i really dont give a hang about popular opinion. what did the pioneers do when they wanted to go to kali from baahhhstahn???
they WILL get over it--send a lot of pictures of the fun stuff, some of the bad stuff, folks will come to being jealous in open instead of in private and you will hear more positive responses when you finally do write home.

do set up a site that can incorporate the tracking device's resultsand some words from you to them, and they will be very very quiet as they watch for news from ye and tell all their friends how brave you are to go to sea and "looky what i got today!!! pix of the trip--wow aint it great!!""
lol you would be amazed at how fast the nay sayers conform once your mind is made up. what can they do, chain your boat to dock????
are their words going to affect your fun and adventure???(doubt it)

so- do it--keep them apprised of each step--even if it takes a loong time--and keep on keeping on.

oldragbaggers · 24-10-2012, 07:25

Zeehag, you are a hoot.

bobofthenorth · 24-10-2012, 07:30

We broke them in by moving into a converted bus first. By the time we bought the boat we had already concluded that what we did was none of their damn business and they had figured out that we would do whatever we wanted to regardless of what anybody else thought.

Go live your life - its nobody else's business.

zeehag · 24-10-2012, 07:39

someone sent me this in email today---lol---mebbe could help some askeereded of untying lines and going forth into the great "unknown"....

i am a hoot?? ye should have growed up (not) with me and my sibs--what a mess!!!! we were what my momma calls horrid children--we made her work hard--but she is a happy momma--all of us came into world with brain genes--which was just too dambad for her--she had to work to keep up--but we kept her young..LOL

and me--i was trained in intensive care nursing to EAT my young....

NYCSavage · 24-10-2012, 07:40

To be honest I'm very "lucky" as I have Aspergers. As a direct result of this, I have always been a loner! So the sailing life is a simple decision for me.

My mother understands that I love travel and has never stood in my way. She knows I have a love of the open sea (ex Royal Navy) and yet I won't be telling her I'm going till about a month before I go. The reason for this is simple, I want to ensure my boat is seaworthy before I set off. Imagine telling her I'm going then 2 years later the boat till isn't even nearly ready?

Me-and-Boo · 25-10-2012, 03:10

There comes a time when you send in your change of address card. That is when it becomes real to them and you.

I tell everybody I can that I will be moving on a boat to live. They consider my life for a a second and think that is just another thing I am going to do. "Mule stubborn. Hard headed. Resists suggestions. Dumb. Goes her own way, not matter what." Those a just a few of the compliments I get on doing what I want. Being single, with a cat, helps nurture the loving comments. I am working on my persona for when I get real old, living on a boat enhances that.

So do what you want, and do not be concerned about those who are aground. Talk to them, send post cards and email, but live your life, not theirs.