Social aspects of cruising and living-aboard

[goboatingnow]

Successful cruising couples tend to both have ownership in the operation of the boat and they don't assign roles by arbitrary traditions. We do maneuver our boat to and from docks with a definite thought to sexist roles. I have much greater strength and agility than my wife. She's at the helm and I'm working the lines, fending, warping, securing..... To often I see women on boats that have very little role in the operation of the boat, and without that investment and ownership, I can see why some would become disenchanted.

This is a "nice" explanation , but I dont see it stand up to inspection. Yes Im sure many have met the ideal cruising couple, but again there are not the mainstream. IN most cases you get a wife that decided it was a good idea to indulge her husbands passion. Some then find they like teh life , few even get seriously involved in sailing. ( ie to the point of being independant to the boat)

Many women, merely see sailing as a means to see interesting destinations, theyd probably travel to those destinations a number of ways , but this is the one the man wanted.

I dont beleive its about "sexist" roles. My wife does not have and will never have any interest in changing filters or replacing the joker valve. Nor has she any interest in spending 20 days at sea, when a 747 does it so much better.

What she does like is living with me on a boat, 1-2 days sails, enjoying beautiful places and now after 20 years like living on a boat, is perfectly attuned to it. Our sailing is a compromise, I do Biscay with the sailing mates, she does the Rade de Vilefranche with me!.

Men that bark at their wives do it on a boat, in the car in teh house etc, Boats are nothing special in that regard.

If you happen to have one of the few that is "into" the sailing and also like mucking about with the boat, treasure her, cause you have a rare one.

Dave

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by zeehag

i have found it to be the males who cannot handle it....lol

so ....................................maybe you need to look for a women

[janice142]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

Its a male activity ( unfortunately)
dave

Often it is and I cannot tell you the number of times I've been invited over to a sailboat or aboard for a cup of coffee and not had a place to sit without first clearing off a settee. The galley sink and counter will be filled with dirty dishes, there will be piles of clutter and chaos everywhere. Plus filthy laundry and a head than needs pumping.

And then the fellow wonders why I want to sit on deck and then leave immediately? Let's be realistic: Keep your boat clean and tidy and it doesn't hurt to sweep the spider webs down, you could close your head door or lid at the very least -- really, I do not admire your productions! -- and for god's sake wear clothes on deck. Standing up and peeing over the side while facing my boat is not enticing to even wanting to chat with you.

And there are plenty of women out here but we've got some standards and the sailboat bum doesn't qualify. Can't you at least shave your neck? A mustache and beard with yellow stains from smoking isn't appealing either.

Plus deodorant -- learn about and use it. Grime should not be on your legs, ankles and neck.

Honestly, women are here on our own boats and after a time we've seen what's available. Unless I wanted a drunk who is going no where, a dirt-bag who can't even wash his boat much less himself, well, why would I stick around?

I'm cruising, and not waiting for you to sober up, bathe or shave. And yes, I do wonder where the single cruisers are that at least display a modicum of civility. Then again, after years as a soloist (and I deliberately chose this life) I cannot see a reason to stop boating merely because I don't have a companion. At some point I might cruise in tandem, and who knows? Perhaps I'll like it, but definitely I'm keeping Seaweed. She's home.

[zeehag]

Originally Posted by janice142

Often it is and I cannot tell you the number of times I've been invited over to a sailboat or aboard for a cup of coffee and not had a place to sit without first clearing off a settee. The galley sink and counter will be filled with dirty dishes, there will be piles of clutter and chaos everywhere. Plus filthy laundry and a head than needs pumping.

And then the fellow wonders why I want to sit on deck and then leave immediately? Let's be realistic: Keep your boat clean and tidy and it doesn't hurt to sweep the spider webs down, you could close your head door or lid at the very least -- really, I do not admire your productions! -- and for god's sake wear clothes on deck. Standing up and peeing over the side while facing my boat is not enticing to even wanting to chat with you.

And there are plenty of women out here but we've got some standards and the sailboat bum doesn't qualify. Can't you at least shave your neck? A mustache and beard with yellow stains from smoking isn't appealing either.

Plus deodorant -- learn about and use it. Grime should not be on your legs, ankles and neck.

Honestly, women are here on our own boats and after a time we've seen what's available. Unless I wanted a drunk who is going no where, a dirt-bag who can't even wash his boat much less himself, well, why would I stick around?

I'm cruising, and not waiting for you to sober up, bathe or shave. And yes, I do wonder where the single cruisers are that at least display a modicum of civility. Then again, after years as a soloist (and I deliberately chose this life) I cannot see a reason to stop boating merely because I don't have a companion. At some point I might cruise in tandem, and who knows? Perhaps I'll like it, but definitely I'm keeping Seaweed. She's home.

pretty much exactly with addition of--when you tell us you have spouses at home, do NOT put moves on us as single females. we are not looking to bed you we only act in friendship.
your mate and spouse is at your home. NOT in my boat.

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by janice142

................... Honestly, women are here on our own boats and after a time we've seen what's available. Unless I wanted a drunk who is going no where, a dirt-bag who can't even wash his boat much less himself, well, why would I stick around? ....

'sounds like you need to cruise out of Carabelle! There are a few more refined places.

[jkindredpdx]

Originally Posted by janice142

Often it is and I cannot tell you the number of times I've been invited over to a sailboat or aboard for a cup of coffee and not had a place to sit without first clearing off a settee. The galley sink and counter will be filled with dirty dishes, there will be piles of clutter and chaos everywhere...

I have this problem with guests. They don't seem accustomed to living in small spaces. I learned years ago; if I put things back in their place I can find them later. I use the minimum number of pots/pans and it drives me crazy when someone does me a favor (?) and dirties 5 pans cooking. I'm no neat freak, but clutter breeds like rabbits.

[rw58ph]

I know of live a aboard women as I meet them when doing the laundry. They are mostly older women that want to try something different and/or with a man. Most of the long term women live a board had the majority say in the boat that was purchased. It was my wife that found/bought the big boat and suggested we try living aboard. However, most of the long time live aboard live on 50+ ft boats that have creature comforts.

Most live aboard do not invade each other space. Very seldom do we invite other live a boards and equally seldom we are invited. Mostly a dock thing or meet/greet event. Being a live aboard living in a small space things can get cluttered/messing in a hurry. I tend to pick up the boat in the morning when I get up, and I get home

My wife tends to be a clutter/stacker. The clutter I can pick up but NOT her stacks. So we use the bar sink which we do not use, if her stack is starting to bug me. However, tend to leave my shoes scattered about, and when my shies bug my wife she pitches them down the hall. So rather than nag/rag each other, that seems to work.

Our previous moorage as the South end of Lake Union as more of a party/social dock/marina. Our boat and a 75 ft delta where moored where the dock/marina tend to hang out. Not un common for people to sit on our or the Deltas stern deck but very seldom did people enter the salon, and we all used out own bathroom as we each new that the sanitation tanks were limited. Most of the boats had some sort of stern deck social arrangement to them and there were covered/enclosed.

We had several single males who constant had new female companions. A month was a long term relationship for them as there boats were man caves. Shoot I would not even want to go in them much less live on them. However, one of them owns one of the sexiest boats I have seen. It a Choy Lee Black Lace, black hull, with a lot of teak wood. Midnight Lace - Cheoy Lee

[1Sunseeker]

I will try this again. The first time I wrote this it did not take for some reason.

Now, a big problem we have here in the beautiful NW is it is so bloody cold! Not much time for the bikini so the ladies don't seem to like the cruising life style so much. I bought my boat while living and working in Long Beach, Calif. there it was much easer to meet women. And Santa Catalina was a nice weekend sail to check it all out.

IMHO if you really want to find a sailing partner and can handle the latitude change, go South. Like to about 8* North instead of 38* or 48* North. The women there are not so used to having a lot and are more interested in trying to get out of their situations what ever that may be. Also they come with a nice tan and don't seem to mind if you are a bit older, fatter and maybe bald as long as you treat them with respect and like the beautiful creatures they are. Is there anything more beautiful than a women? And I believe all women are beautiful in their own way. WE MEN just have to treat them nice. It also helps to pick up after ourselves and a rose now and then will work wonders. JMHO.

[Stormsailor]

Good luck.

[janice142]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

'sounds like you need to cruise out of Carabelle! There are a few more refined places.

As soon as my new engine is here/installed, I'm leaving. And truly Carrabelle isn't a bad boater town. Within sight are a library, the post office, a grocery store too plus two hardware stores and Just Right Marine (who have been hired to do the engine swap) ... I've bought an MD11C (23hp Volvo) diesel and finally my girl will have a good little diesel rather than the monster gas that's in her now.

But yes, I'm ready to go as soon as my engine is in/checked out. I'd hoped it would be done by now but 'tis a boat project. Island time does not seem too prevalent over here. The delay is the trucking company still hasn't picked up the engine from the east coast -- at least not as of yesterday. Argh.

[RunningRabbit]

I think the original post was broader than just dating, but as far as dating goes, if you just want flings, the shore-based gals may suffice. Some may tire of the head complications, etc fairly quickly. Particularly if you get a boat in the 26' to 30' range, I suggest you find petite girls who do yoga, because sex aboard in small spaces benefits from a lot of contortionist abilities. (Hell, I'm on a 37' and I pretty much do a somersault just to get in and out of my v-berth!)

It may sound obvious to say that a boat is not a house, but some people just don't "get" how very different they are. If someone's idea of "success" in life is a 3500 sq. ft. house with a huge yard, etc they will never be satisfied aboard. I'll go so far as to say that for me, if someone cannot possibly live on a boat under 50' LOA, there's no future for him with me--if you *need* that much square footage you probably aren't cut out for the liveaboard life, at least not the one I'm after.

Single gal liveaboards are definitely in the minority. I'm not yet cruising, but have been living aboard a little over a year. The challenge for us liveaboard gals is that we are such rare creatures that the liveaboards guys decide we are their special mermaid and attach themselves like barnacles. I can spot most liveaboard guys a mile away... some are unkempt (but, hey, I like some scruff and floppy hair), some are neat and clean-shaven, but most are a little "off," quirky, misfits. I think most are broken and defective, socially awkward recluses. Harsh? Yes. But despite that, I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with anyone that isn't a liveaboard. We dance to the beat of a different drummer. We're probably all a little broken and defective. I enjoy the solitude--not loneliness--of life aboard.

When I meet liveaboard guys what do we talk about? Not-exactly-romantic topics like how pissed I am that the pump out boat isn't running this week, what we're each doing for winter aboard to manage heat, condensation, etc., sharing tips on repairs and new products. Personally, I love that. Those are the issues that consume my life. The likelihood that a shore-based girlfriend will want to help you troubleshoot a new holding tank set-up...yeah, not so much. But if you avoid the guy singlehander traps--poor hygiene, alcoholism, and talking too much--you will have set yourself apart from the crowd.

If you want to get a flavor for the social challenges of singlehanders, check out these blog posts on "Going it Alone" that I curated into a page for The Monkey's Fist blog hop.

It is a coupled-up cruising world. A lot of women aboard are wives that went along for the ride. But that isn't always the case. There are couples where the woman is the one who really pushed for or loves the lifestyle. And even if we are a rarity, there are single mermaids like me out there. The single gals aren't galley slaves; they're independent, strong-willed, and gutsy. Some guys don't want that.

Beyond the dating scene, you can get lots of social interaction depending on your marina. Some places you'll be the only liveaboard. Others will have 30+, with weekly potlucks and other social events. Just remember, it's always nice to hold onto your shore-based friends so when you drop by for dinner on a Sunday night you can bring along a couple loads of laundry.

[laika]

Originally Posted by In Training

Live your life doing what you enjoy. Hopefully you will meet people who enjoy the same thing.

That's the bottom line, at least for me. I just turned 30 and the mother, bless her soul, likes to think I should feel more lonely. It is a bit lonely sometimes, but you do meet lots of good people and it is typically a very social existence. Sometimes too social in some ways. In my case, I just wish there were more young people out there doing it. So as an older gent, you should have a relatively easy go of it

Just because there are not more people out there doing it is not, in my judgement, a good reason not to do it yourself. That's what I tell the mother at least. Ultimately, not only do I have no regrets, but find myself exercising the true meaning of diligence in carefully vetting the women I find on shore

[Skeeko]

You could always try sailing with a couple. In addition to friendship you'd also have a different dynamic ashore. It might work well.

[woodymr]

Originally Posted by motion30

Many of the single woman I meet. See me as the homeless guy who lives on. A boat

Yea, I too am the "houseless" guy that lives "down on the river"

[In Training]

Adventurous women would never see a man on a good boat as a homeless guy. But on an old broken down, not able to sail boat -- definitely homeless.

It's all a matter of money and care, not boat vs. land.