When the Dream Ends

[Talk Story]

Originally Posted by Stu Jackson

Why does it matter?

Why would it not matter?

[Jammer]

Originally Posted by Jamme

What do you think is the most frequent cause when cruisers abandon their cruisers’ lifestyle. Health? Age? Money? The dream just fading away? A combination?

Curious to know your thoughts.

I observe there are many who never really get started. They have a vision but lack the health, spousal concurrence, finances, know-how, or tenacity to see it through. Some of those never leave the harbor, some never leave the bay, some make it six months.



It is my observation that there are many who embark upon a cruising journey that they do not intend to be a permanent lifestyle. After five years, maybe ten, they move ashore with the satisfaction of having seen more than most ever will, and build a shore-based lifestyle that still includes sailing and cruising, either on other people's boats, or daysails, or shorter cruises, or racing. You can lead a salt life without continuous cruising.

[Creedence]

I was in the Dry Tortugas last week and met a cruising couple.

They’d been stuck there for 2 weeks en route to Mexico but weather had them pinned down and when it cleared up, they were going to divert to Key West to re-provision (leave it to me to pick that window to sail down there then- that’s another story).

The guy had been doing this for 20 years- military pension paying the way, etc. it really seemed like the dream was working, but he said he was over it. The dream for him was ending from burnout- maintenance, weather, etc.

We don’t see this discussed much, so that makes this a pretty solid topic.

I don’t have a lot of data or metrics, but it’s clear the dream does indeed end sometimes. Come to find, reasons are just as varied as our individual life experiences.

[gonesail]

money .. or lack of.

[BlueH2Obound]

Health and disillusionment are probably the two biggest reasons . . . .



If I/we get to the point of abandoning our cruising dreams, I'll be sure to post on the thread the reasons!

[Jamme]

Thank you all for your answers.

To those who ask why this should matter (which BTW I think is a valid question): like almost everything in life, there is no one-size-fit-all recipe in cruising, and one can always learn from others if he/she is humble enough to actually listen.

For me, these stories (while they can never be as valuable as one’s own mistakes!) are important to better understand this lifestyle.

Thanks again, and fair winds to all — whether the dream is still on, or has morphed into a new one.

[double u]

...many a reason to start cruising - & just as many to stop.
Maybe, after so-many-miles it has run it's course, the wildest dreams of youth have become real, & again you have sailed one more time to the ocean & islands of your dream - & you know: it is not possible to get even better, the time has come to quit, while you are "still ahead", not carry on until you are too old & too decrepit?...as the German saying goes: "you have to stop eating when it tastes best!"

[Fore and Aft]

Most of my clients it's age that ends the dream. Then there is the "Ticked the box crowd" that never really have that life long infinity with the water and can just move on to their next interest. I have tried that, but just like my daily coffee I have to have it or I go mental without my vitamin sea.
Double U it can be a bit disconcerting when you survey boats for older clients and they are clearly past the stage where they should be onboard. I had one client who had to ring his wife to get his home address at the end of the survey. His memory was failing and just needed reminding where he was going after I left.
Cheers

[Na Mara]

I agree with the comment upthread that cruising is not all or nothing. At one end of the scale you have your nautical nomads who set off into the blue and just keep going until death or incapacity forces them to stop, at the other is the causal weekender who squeezes in a couple of overnighters into a busy schedule. Then there is everything in between. I’m gradually working my way up that scale. I’ll probably top out with a long two year trip around retirement followed by half a year aboard half a year ashore for as long as I am able. After that I’m sure that short of sudden death I’ll probably work my way down the scale again ending up weekending or even dinghy sailing or perhaps motor boating . I have sailed all my life and I just don’t feel right if I can’t get to sea. For people like me giving up cruising is literally one of the last things you do before dying as cruising is part of what it means to be truly alive. Hence for us it really is incapacity or death that ends our relationship with the sea. But not all sailors are like me so I can’t say that this is the majority view.

[sv_pelagia]

For us, basically "none of the above".

We came to realize we (i) much prefer cruising in our home waters, (ii) we missed snowy (skiable) mountains, and (iii) we didn't like heat.

Sometimes you have to leave to learn what you (really) want.

[bobnlesley]

From those we've met amongst the long-term (>10 years) cruisers, it's almost always age or health; the latter often being age-related ailments too. Though over the last couple of years I'd suspect that a lot - including ourselves - fell foul of covid restrictions. When you're suddenly two years older but haven't been at sea during those two years, the world's oceans begin to look much wider.

Conversely, we've met many who're still out there but for whom the dream's clearly ended, though for usually economic reasons they can no longer afford to return to wherever they originally called home.

[JPA Cate]

we've met many who're still out there but for whom the dream's clearly ended, though for usually economic reasons they can no longer afford to return to wherever they originally called home.

We know a few who wound up at places other than their starting points--all four from the east of North America: two couples from Canada; a couple from Maryland; and a single man from Pennsylvania. All are now in SE Asia. One has since passed away from liver cancer. I think the appeals of SE Asia are huge for cruisers: no hard winters; affordable prices; respect for elders; and friendly, considerate people. I feel pretty certain that there was no regret about not returning to the "homeland" for these people.

My point is that it need not be a tragedy that one doesn't go back to where they started from. If your contract with yourself or your partner is that you keep on doing it while it is fun, there may not be very much lost with stopping along the way. But for others, perhaps it is really important to go "back home." And, maybe this feeling changes with the years of cruising, too.


Ann

[LakeSuperior]

I think full-time live-aboard cruising is pretty one dimensional. Did it for 18 months and that was my conclusion.

It's a big world with lots to do and if you are on a boat you are not skiing, playing sports, bird hunting, canoe tripping, trap shooting, interacting with friends and family, etc., etc., etc. You and your boat are going from harbor to harbor/town to town, talking to strangers, doing some exploring, and then off to the next to do it all again.

The technical parts of cruising were good. Route, tides, and weather integration planning. Sailing is good. Like a job almost.

Most of the meet and greets with other cruisers were superficial. It's seems like you connect with every 1 out of 100. I heard myself saying the same thing over and over. Hi, where you from, what did you do for work, how long you been out. It got very repetitious in 18 months. Toward the end I was sometimes hiding in the cabin when cruiser dock walkers were sighted.

I prefer the 1 to 4 week of cruising as part of the natural change of seasons and what one does in those seasons.

Anyway, one reason for hanging it up is the could be the lack of dimensionality of it all.

[hpeer]

We contemplate this, the end of our cruising. We live aboard 6 months then stay at a cabin in Newfoundland for 6. Kinda, sorta; Covid screwed us up but even then we lived aboard mostly.

The thing is … what will we do when we stop living aboard? Where would we go? The place i. Newfoundland is nice but neither if us wants 6 month of Winter/March. We are not found of the USA geographically let alone politically. These are very personal tastes.

But so far we are fine in the boat bobbing around the Caribbean. We will meep doing this until something better comes up or health interferes.

[JPA Cate]

@hpeer:

How would BVI do for you? Or is it too hard, like NZ or Australia....

One couple of our friends, he British and she French, retired in New Caledonia. Lovely temperatures, beautiful land, interesting folk.



Ann