A Real Pain in the Aft Section

[gbendaly]

what would you do if you were in my place ??/
for the 14 months I have been in this marina since I brought back my boat from turkey,I have tried to sail with my family and friends on every week end , rain or shine , I have never seen my pontoon neighbour move his otherwise perfectly capable newer boat even once !! yet he stands ready to give me free unwanted advice,on how to navigate ,steer or tie my boat !! he even succeded one time in scaring my wife when he saw that we were getting ready to go out in a strong blow! it took me more than 30 minutes to convince the admiral that I don't have a death wish and that it was about time my 15 years old son learned to reef by himself !
anyhow , every body here swears by his lack of seamanship and mock him out loud, for my part I do not want to be rude but he is being a real pain in the b...
PAN PAN ( practical advice needed )
georges

[Talbot]

ask the marina management to be moved as far away from this prat as possible.

Next time he is spouting forth tell him that you prefer to listen to people who know waht they are talking about based on experience rather than reading children's books.

[gbendaly]

yeah I might just do that..

[GordMay]

Dealing with Know-It-Alls:

1. Sometimes the best way to deal with difficult people is to avoid them, as much as possible.

2. When trapped, remain neutral & don’t get emotionally involved when they spout off.
Your best tactic might be ambiguous responses, like: uh-huh, ummm, & I see.

3. “Yes, you’re right” (I’m going to try that) can be a “closer”, allowing you to depart immediately thereafter.

4. Read everything I’ve written here; then you’ll know it all, too.

5. Confrontation & debate seldom works, against we know-it-all types.

[Talbot]

Gord

Points 2 and 3 are fine when those remarks are only winding yourself up. However, when the prat starts worrying members of your crew to the extent that they are dubious about sailing, it is past time to pussyfoot around, and stronger measures are required to show this person that his opinions are valued almost as highly as his presence, and that youd rather stand near a skunk

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Talbot

... However, when the prat starts worrying members of your crew to the extent that they are dubious about sailing, it is past time to pussyfoot around, and stronger measures are required to show this person that his opinions are valued almost as highly as his presence, and that youd rather stand near a skunk

Point 4 indirectly addresses this situation.
Cite a higher authority; indicating that you’ve had the opportunity to consult with GordMay, and he says ... (insert whatever you feel needs saying).

[Blue Stocking]

Get a piece of poster card and mark a big capital "I" on 1 side, and "WE" on the other. Hang it on your lifeline facing his boat. When he offers advice next time, tell him we are sailing the "I" boat today, tomorrow is the day for the "WE" boat.
Worked for me.

[imagine2frolic]

This person thinks he's being helpful. He may, or may not have the knowledge. My cat sits for a year at a time, because of my schedule. Many who don't know me think it's just a house. They don't know my experience, and where I have been. So don'tknock him on others word, and his boat not leaving the slip. Maybe you need to offer him to take you sailing, and explain what he's talking about. You will know immediatley if he's full of ****, or spot on.

Whatever you decide if you do decide to talk to him. Do it in private, and let him save face. There's nothing worse than having a bad neighbor. Especially a vindictive BAD NEIGHBOR...........i2f

[Southern Star]

i2f, I hear you. That being said, he is interfering with gbendaly whether he has experience or not. I would agree with speaking to him in private so as not to 'ramp things up', but I would certainly let him know that I was perfectly capable of docking and deciding when to set sail and do not appreciate my crew being frightened by an outsider.

Brad

[First Mate]

Give him a chance: tell him to his face you find his interference offensive and to please stop it.

After that, get ugly and tell him to shove off.

And get another slip.

[sailingmonica]

When confronted with unpleasant situations, my husband always brings out the big gun: me. It is highly unlikely that your neighbor will argue with your wife, so tell him it is her who wants to go out sailing at that particular moment and you have no choice but to oblige, or your life will be hell. It is much easier for a woman to brush him off, believe it or not. It worked for us every time. Of course, she has to be a willing participant in this strategy.

[cdennyb]

I'd go over, (with your wife of course.) to his slip and ask permission to come aboard. After you go below, assuming he gives you the BIG tour of his tub you can say, "Hey, we're thinking of taking a cruise this weekend (or whatever) and want you to come. Two boats are better than one, and see if he takes you up on it. Your wife can put on the 'pressure' and make him put up or shut up. Who knows, given a chance, you might find out he has quite a background and might actually be a very helpfulperson with misguided intentions and unwanted advice.
LoL
never hurts.. than there's always the option to move.

[sailorboy1]

Tell him about this forum and let him read aboutr himself.

[captmick39]

Originally Posted by Don Lucas

Tell him about this forum and let him read aboutr himself.

GBenDaly,
We've had similar dilemmas formerly;

(A) In Order, I've tried the GordMay #3 (much like a beer commercial here in the states, the results were "BRILLIANT!" )
(B) Talbot's response of (for the LONG Term solution, IF You don't want to move to another marina, and NOT knowing the overall size of where You're at) getting moved as far from him as You can get.

(C) Go for Monica's Tool...that Tomahawk Missile Known as YOUR WIFE! Only an IDIOT would attempt to argue with her! FYI, it DOESN'T work w/the roles reversed: YOU should never "debate" w/another Captain's 1st Mate, However SHE, Your Wife Can (w/preparation) absolutely Slay Him With both "kindness" and firmness. He can't argue because when He asks "Why Are You Folks Going to ____?" SHE Gets to answer "Because I WANT to/Because I SAID SO/Because I LIKE IT...he's done.

(D) I'd normally Square up and mano to mano on a nice clear, calm day, When he's around, give the family shopping money to go sightseeing, and say..."C'mon, join me for a Sail!" as suggested by I2F...a Stinking great Idea, used it many times...they either were smart enough to KNOW they wanted to blow me off as going out would reveal in nano seconds that they didn't know a sheet from a block, OR, they hopped at the opportunity to get out as their boat was constantly the "project". Have had a couple "old salt"/know it alls who had this head spinning, their sea legs were instant, trimmed sails before being asked, took the helm and were true old salts who marveled at a boat that could sail to weather like few others...and I was impressed that they noticed this IMMEDIATELY, along with many other features our vessel has that old salts truly appreciate once aboard. Also had a few who didn't know a genoa from a main.

The problem with "D" is I Opt to "go with the group opinion", along with wife's and if folks openly mock him through out the marina and have for quite some time, that sail, in this case would be a waste of quality time spent either therapeutically sailing alone blowing off the steam that's fomenting over "this guy", or some quality time spent w/the family somewhere else.
Good Luck, relocate, and avoid him to the best of Your ability. Eventually some of these types just have to be told to "pissoff"...although as already recommended too, do it privately. Some semblance of "decorum" is best for both You and him...whether in the community heads, laundry, someplace, where it's just U & Him.
GoodLuck, don't envy Your position
-mick

[Intentional Drifter]

There are several important factors in the situation you described:

1. He is volunteering his opinions, about your decisions, uninvited.
2. This is having a negative effect on you and your crew.
3. You have good reason to believe that he doesn't know what he's talking about.

I suggest taking him aside, just the two of you. Keep your voice down, to the point where he almost has to strain to hear you. Then, something like: "As you know, I am the captain on my boat, just like you are the captain on yours. Where I come from, it is considered very, very offensive to argue with or question the captain. We don't even offer opinions to the captain, unless first asked. So, when you do that, it is very upsetting both to me and my crew. Please stop. Also, please understand that I can only ask you, like this, just this once. The next time I will be forced to handle this in the traditional seaman's way." Do not specify what that is. Say no more and walk away. It is the doubt about what you mean that will pray on his mind.

In the meantime, look for another slip.

ID