Funny Things I Did in the Navy

[Mule]

Originally Posted by markpj23

These stories reminded me that aboard the good ship Dixie in the late 70s we had a storekeeper / SKSN type who failed to notice that the Captain had entered the storeroom he was working in on the 5th deck (way in the bowels of the ship). It being quitting time, the SK locked up the storeroom as he left and went to chow.

We started to get worried when they passed the word "Commanding Officer please contact the bridge" about 4 times that evening. Eventually launched a search party and found the CO sitting on a bale of rags. His only words as he left were "this space needs a field day."

That episode earned a page in the cruise book

I was beside the Dixie on more than one occasion as I recall.

[Lodesman]

One of the joys being at the Fleet School in Halifax was the weekly parade practice - where the whole school would dress in their N3s, form up by Division and do a march past, where the Commandant or some other senior officer would take the salute. As this parade occurred on Friday mornings, and in Halifax Thursday night was an excellent night to go out on the town, the vast majority of paraders were nursing hangovers of varying degrees of severity. On one such parade, after completing the march past and having all come to a halt and awaiting the Commandant's address, we were all tremendously shocked when we realized that the pounding wasn't actually coming from the insides of our own heads, when the door on the right side of the parade hall opened and in stepped a 6-foot tall pink bunny with sunglasses, who proceeded to march past the podium pounding on a base drum, pausing only to snap off a salute to the Commandant, before continuing on out the door on the opposite side.

[Mule]

Now That is good!

[SkiprJohn]

For those who have not had the experience, the 1MC is a loudspeaker announcing system that could be controlled from the bridge of the ship or from the quarterdeck while the ship was in port.

It was typical that new sailors were made messenger of the watch and it was their duty to learn what messages and how those messages were to be announced using the 1MC. There were lots of errors and mixed up messages but as you stood more watches you were able to get things right more often. When ships were tied 3 or 4 abreast at the pier you could hear the 1MC from the other ships. Sometimes your watch could be very entertaining listening to the verbal stumbling of messengers from other ships trying to get things right or it could be very embarrassing if your own messenger made a mistake since it was your responsibility to not let that happen.
"The roach coach is making its approach" was pretty typical of an error that kept getting repeated.

I'd nearly forgotten all about that stuff.

This thread is bringing back lots of memories.

[AKCoastie]

Well I don't have any Navy stories but have some good Marine and CG stories.

When I was enlisted in the Marines:
At my first school in 29 Palms, CA, middle of the desert, I walked out of the squad bay to find my friend mopping the sand out front. I asked what he was doing and he said mopping the sand. I asked why. He said because the Corporal told him to. Ok.

Same place a few weeks later. The commandant was supposed to be visiting the base. Since there was about 10 of us still waiting to be assigned to our new class we were tasked with making the base pretty. The Sgt in charge of us had us do two fun things. First was to sweep ALL of the roads on the entire base. Being that it was a desert, obviously we would only get about 5 feet before the sand was blown back on the spot we just swept. After a few hours of that we were told to take all of the rocks at the bottom of a hill and rake them to the top in a straight line. They were small rocks but they got very heavy as they were heaved to the top. Still looked like crap.

Later in life while conducting war games with the Aussies in Queensland:
We had been stuck in one spot for a few days while in the field and we were getting board of playing cards, smoking cigarettes, and eating MREs. We had all heard about making MRE bombs but have never tried it. We all decided (about 10 of us including my SSgt) to make one and try to blow up one of the ant hills near by. I held the bottle while my buddy poured the stuff into in and closed the top. What resulted was one of the loudest bangs I've ever heard. The CO, who was about 100 yards away, heard it and thought someone had let off a grenade. I heard him yell for whoever did that. I walked up to him to turn myself in expecting everyone else, or at least my buddy who poured the stuff in, behind me. I didn't realize till it was too late that I was alone. I spent the next few hours unloading and reloading gear onto the 5 ton. To top it off I was restricted to base out first night back.

During that same exercise, one of our rifle companies had to apologize to the country of Australia. Aparently they had shot an Emu with a .50 cal. Not sure if it was the state or country bird, but the authorities were pissed. I didn't see it but my buddy said that all that was left was two stumps for feet and a red mist.

As an officer in the CG:
Part of our OCS training was two weeks on the tall ship Eagle. Up till this point we had not been able to use cell phones or get libo. One night as we were close to shore, folks were trying to get service and calls wives/gfs/family. Being that I wasn't getting service on the main deck, I went up to the forward top deck. After a minute of waving my phone around looking for bars I here someone screaming from the helm for whoever was using a cell phone to get to the bridge immediatly. Apparently, the old salty LT that was OOD looked up and saw my phone drifting across the bow. He thought it was another ship and almost sounded the collision alarm. He ripped into me and threated my life and all sorts of things like that. I was hoping that, since it had happened late at night no one would hear about it. I was wrong. As soon as I woke up people started calling me "Ghost Ship". Luckily they didn't take my libo in NY city away.

[AKCoastie]

Also, here is what my brother is going through. In accordance with our family tradition, I sent this letter to the DIs:

To: The DIs of Platoon 3073,


Gentlemen, I am the brother of a new recruit in your company, Recruit XXXXXXX. Recently I have received a disturbing letter from him concerning his treatment while under your care. It seems that he feels that he is not getting enough PT. As a former Marine and current Coast Guard officer, I was dismayed to read this. I am not sure what has changed since I was at Parris Island, but last I heard, 3rd battalion was supposed to the roughest and toughest on the island. Also, and I am sure I must be reading his letter wrong, but I do not agree with his assessment that you guys are “a bunch of wussies”. Now, if things have changed since my 5 years in the Corps, please disregard this letter. If not, then please ensure that my brother is getting the proper PT he desires. I want to ensure that he gets the type of foundation that he needs to succeed as a Marine, even if he is going reserves. Thank you for your attention and I look forward to shaking your hands at graduation day.



Very Respectfully,




S. M. XXXXXXX, LTJG
U.S. Coast Guard


P.S. Please let Recruit XXXXXX know that his leotards are safe and sound in storage. Be sure to ask him about the Nutcracker.


Well I came home to the phone ringing the other day with my mother on the other side. She was especially flustered because she had just gotten off the phone with a very scared little brother and a very p!$$ed off DI. Apparently the DI wanted to talk to me. I tried calling him the next day with no luck. Today I receive an email from my mother begging me to not send him anything else because my brother was told that he was going to get recycled into another platoon for the shenanigans. Curious and a little po'ed myself, I called the DI and got ahold of him. Apparently the DI only got through the first two lines before, in typical Marine fashion, he exploded and made my brother do about 140,987,398 push ups. Later, after my father's equally mean package showed up, the DIs figured we were messing with him. My dad modified one of those musical cards that turn on when you open them. It was one with Homer Simpson complaining about respect. After my dad modified it, it could only turn off after the whole assembly was destroyed. Showed up the day after my letter. Awesome.
They reread the letter, laughed, and made my bro do another 536,028,875 push ups. This time they let him keep his squad leader position. Now that all is well, may the shenanigans continue. Another package will arrive in about 2 weeks. Bwa ha ha ha.

[Daddy's Dream]

AKCoastie,
Being a 3rd Battalion Marine myself, I was LMAO as I read your post. And I couldn't help but think my daughter is at an age where some of her friends are joining the military and if it is ok with you I might just duplicatr your letter. I'm trying to get the one I don't like into joining. :-D

[AKCoastie]

By all means. My wife is starting to get in on the action now too. Beginning of next week we are sending out a package with some feminine hygiene products.

[cosmosmariner]

Originally Posted by Mule

I was beside the Dixie on more than one occasion as I recall.

Originally Posted by markpj23
These stories reminded me that aboard the good ship Dixie in the late 70s we had a storekeeper / SKSN type who failed to notice that the Captain had entered the storeroom he was working in on the 5th deck (way in the bowels of the ship). It being quitting time, the SK locked up the storeroom as he left and went to chow.

We started to get worried when they passed the word "Commanding Officer please contact the bridge" about 4 times that evening. Eventually launched a search party and found the CO sitting on a bale of rags. His only words as he left were "this space needs a field day."

That episode earned a page in the cruise book quote



USS Dixie, AD-14, oldest operational ship in the navy in the '70s, Teak decks got holy stoned every 6 months, flagship for COMCRUDESPAC, alternated as flagship with USS Prarie, AD15, was completely refitted in dry dock in San Diego in 1972, home of the world famous Dixie Burger .

The green asphalt tile in the Admin space was layed by a crew of men just released from the brig under the supervision of RM3 L F Spagna (just after his successful appeal to RADM Rembrant C Robinson (COMCRUDESPAC) of a bogus captains mast) as an attempt to discredit RM3 Spagna because the perpetrators of the bogus action thought he didn't know anything about tile floors or how to build a team. They didn't know that RM3 Spagna had grown up in a family of residential home builders and knew everything there was to know about building a house. RM3 Spagna also had been managing construction crews since he was 12 years old (priveledge and curse of being the owners son). The Admin Master Chief was mustering out the same morning I was, Oct 31 1972, and confirmed that a group of officers and non-coms who didn't like RM3 Spagna had trumpped up the charges that lead to the captains mast. When their thin conspiracy was exposed to the Admiral the admiral spoke to them all including the captain. the floor job was an attempt to get the RM3 with only a few weeks before he got out. The Master Chief was smiling as he told me that when the RM3 completed the job in less than the 30 days allotted to a degree of professionalism not even the contractors could match it stuck in the conspirators craw and they were spitting mad, he was glad and shook my hand.

[cosmosmariner]

'It was the best of times; it was the worst of times'

[mmckee1952]

One morning while at quarters after a long night in Subic Bay, PI as I was going over the plan of the day anouncments, I noticed that one of the OS1?s in the back didn?t quite look right, as time went along I saw that the rest of the OS1?s were quietly laughing and looking over a Pop?s the one who didn?t quite look right. Towards the end of quarters I stepped to the back of the formation and got a good look at Pop?s, he was asleep and leaning against the bulk head to keep him standing up. Well this was a site to behold and as the division officer was also aware now what was going on I told him I would handle this. So very quietly we all moved away from Pop?s and left him leaning against the bulk head asleep. Now you have to understand this is on an air craft carrier in the hanger bay area and it?s quite a large space, so it was easy to do this without causing a really big problem. It took Pop?s by surprise when he finely woke up three hours later and everyone was gone and over that period of time all of the local jokesters had put various signs around him with warnings like, ? do not feed the drunk?s? and ? Too muck liberty and you?ll soon look like this?. There was also a few photo?s taken of him and put on the ship?s TV system for everybody to laugh at, well ol Pop?s didn?t think it was the least bit funny and after the division officer and department head had a few choice word?s with him I think Pop?s thought it would be to his best interest to curb his all night round?s to every bar he could go to.

[mmckee1952]

One day while I was in line waiting to see the dispersing clerk, which was quite long since I was on an aircraft carrier and it was the day after we got paid and one day until we pulled into Subic Bay, PI and there were quite a few sailors with problems of various degrees of importance.
I was about the fourth person next in line with about forty behind me I had been waiting for about forty five min. so far.
All of the sudden I heard a scream from the front of the line and then heard what sounded like a fist hitting a side of beef. What had happened up front was really special. A BIG BM1 who looked like he served on the HMS Bounty had this DK3 by the front of his shirt and was proceeding to put a major adjustment to his face, he had reached across the counter and dragged this DK3 (did I tell you he had just put his crow on) to his side of the counter and was in the process, of telling him that he, the BM1 wasn?t going to wait until next payday to get his pay corrected, because they were doing an audit at the time. It seams that the BM1 had been over paid for the past four months and the DK3 had taken it upon himself to dock his pay without even talking to him and that his pay was only $55.00 per pay day for the next five months and if the BM1 didn?t like it that it was toooooo bad, Well not only did this little bit of information get to the disbursing officer, as to what the DK3 did but within a day the whole crew knew about it.
The disbursing officer told the BM1 later on that the DK3 shouldn?t have done this and he would have it taken care of ASAP. No charges were brought up against the BM1, although they could have.
After about three weeks there were a few changes made to the front counter of the disbursing office, they installed a set of bars across the front, so the disbursing clerks couldn?t be pulled across and adjusted like the BM1 had done.
You really had to be there to get the full effect, both visual and sound wise.

Mike
OSCS

[Lodesman]

Mike,

Your story made my day. Having been a victim of surprise pay adjustments, I can certainly relate.

[SkiprJohn]

Aloha Senior Chief,
I've read your posts with amusement but am reminded that there are a lot of readers out there that may not know what all the initials mean.
For example, BM1 = Boatswain's Mate First Class (E-6), DK3 = Disbursing Clerk Third Class (E-4) who just put his crow on (just got promoted to E-4)
Subic Bay = Sailor's X-rated Disneyland

I can't remember how many times I went TAD to USS Dixie and the CRUDESPAC to await my ship's return. Good old Destroyer Tender.

regards,

JohnL

[mmckee1952]

John,
I though of that also, all I can say is "I was lazy at the time", I'll try and amend my transgresion's in the future, ha ha. I sure does bring back a lot of memories though doesn't it?
I've put together a list of the various items that I can still remember, through my feble memory, so I will be adding to this blog every day or so, sometimes one memory brings up another one and so on. I am going to put together the story of the entire CIC crew being caught in the base pool in Perth after hours skinny dipping.

Thanks,

Mike
OSCS