philosophy of sex

[northerncat]

hopefully this is ok i dont want to lower the tone of the board but i came across this and i thought it worthy of a laugh and a share

sean

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy


"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin


"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen


"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield


"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner


"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry


"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns


"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns


"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone


"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)


"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson


" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)


"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams


"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne


"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal


"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro


"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman


"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld


"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart


"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

[mudnut]

All the above PLUS,"Life" is a sexually transmitted desease.Mudnut.

[Rick]

Some women claim that men make too much of sex. Those women don't make enough of it!

[knottybuoyz]

My ole' gramma, god rest her soul, used to say: "If God made anything better than sex, she kept it to herself!" My gramma was a tart!

[FrankZ]

Originally Posted by knottybuoyz

My ole' gramma, god rest her soul, used to say: "If God made anything better than sex, she kept it to herself!" My gramma was a tart!

After my girlfriends grandparents died she was helping clean out the house. They found a cache of Adam & Eve underwear (trashy lingerie) and it seemed to cause quite the scandle in the family. My girlfriend was quoted and saying ethusiastically "Go granny!"

[senormechanico]

"Sex with Whoopie is like throwing a hot dog down a hall."

Ted Danson
(after ending the relationship with Whoopie Goldberg)

[N.M.I.ke]

Sex is a race... whoever comes first wins.