The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[delmarrey]

I have two pair of reading glasses. One for fiction and the other for non-fiction.
I read the Bible twice using each pair. It’s the same.

I wonder if Jesus ever bought Santa Clause anything for his birthday?

I wonder if Jesus got less presents for his birthday because he was born on Christmas.

You know, there is the Old Testament, and the New Testament, but its pretty old. They should just call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel.
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A REALIST sees a freight train.

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots, standing on the tracks.

*

Every day I go down to the harbour and throw fish to a baby dolphin. My friends say it's a waste of time.
But at least I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

*

I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money.
Ever since I bought it, all it's done, is collect dust.

*

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday, because he doesn't want to waste time, on things that don't matter.
He runs Facebook.

*

Meteorologists have weighed rainbows.
They’ve found, that they’re pretty light.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1646012134

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1646012200

[delmarrey]

Some confusing questions:

Why are pictures square when the lens on cameras are round?

What would Houdini do if he locked his keys in his car?

Why is it “a penny for your thoughts” if you have to put in “your two cents” to get a response?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? I’m thinking the guy who wrote that song doesn’t know how to type. (QWERTY)

[StuM]

Since you asked:

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Some confusing questions:

Why are pictures square when the lens on cameras are round?
Because the sensor behind the lens is rectangular.


What would Houdini do if he locked his keys in his car.
1920's car doors had very primited locks that he would have got into in seconds.


Why is it “a penny for your thoughts” if you have to put in “your two cents” to get a response?


The first espression goes back to 1500's England where a penny was a common coin. The second expression is much more recent and evolved in the US from the originally expression which used tuppence" )


Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? I’m thinking the guy who wrote that song doesn’t know how to type. (QWERTY)


Because that's how the Romans and Greeks ordered their alphabiets. They did it that way because they adopted the Phoenician order of letters.

[goboatingnow]

3. How many guns do you need for a firefight?
Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to the enemy so he can shoot us back.

[goboatingnow]

US flight management

24. Emergency management: “Always remember that if one engine fails on a dual-engine plane, you’ll still have enough power to safely reach the scene of the crash.”

[OldManMirage]

Originally Posted by StuM

Since you asked:

Sheesh StuM, way to suck the fun out !



Actually, they were interesting and fun facts.

[GordMay]

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, and Kim Jong Un all jump from a plane, without a parachute:
Q: In what order do they hit the ground?
A: It doesn't matter.

[mikereed100]

A car full of nuns is sitting at a traffic light in Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls alongside.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough…

[Van Der Beek]

Originally Posted by mikereed100

A car full of nuns is sitting at a traffic light in Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls alongside.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough…

The duality of female nature. Brilliant.

'Good girl' > bad girl > back to 'good' girl again. It all depends on the situation, thank God for that.

[delmarrey]

Miles Davis claimed Canada was prejudice because every time he went there they insisted he was kilometer Davis.

[Montanan]

Love my kids.