The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

The former president is walking down a narrow hallway:

Mitch McConnell was walking down the hallway in the same direction, but, being half-tortoise, was moving far slower.

Trump pushes past him, shouting, "Get outta my way!"

McConnell says, "Pardon me, Mr. President."

Trump stops and turns around. "I didn't know you worked on my campaign. What did they get you for?"

[GordMay]

Little known fact #376:
In Norway, they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems, around their narrow inlets.
They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

Q: What do you call a narrow passage of water, that is near a barrier, that restricts the flow of water?
A: A dam strait.

[GordMay]

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[GordMay]

Say what you want about Vladimir Putin.
But not many people can ruin three countries, at once.

Vladimir Putin is to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans.
Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump, in the back pocket.

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys, online.
But, it's really just Putin, trying to interfere with their erections.

Vladimir Putin shows up in one of the Moscow's primary schools.
After the welcoming ceremony, there is some time for the students to ask the President a few questions.

Little Sasha stands up and says:
I only have 2 questions:
1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?
2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?

Before Putin was able to say anything the bell suddenly rang, and all the students went for a break.

After the break, when everyone was back, a different student stood up and said:
Dear Mr President, I have only four questions:
1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?
2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?
3. Why did the bell rang 20 minutes early?
4. Where is Sasha?

Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin.
The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news ...
A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland ...

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine, to make gloves for the pandemic. that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Vladimir Putin, who funded the project
It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine

[MicHughV]

I debated a flat earther last night over a couple of brewski's.

He got so mad at me he stormed off saying he walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

I'm now worried, he'll come around eventually.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

I debated a flat earther last night over a couple of brewski's.



He got so mad at me he stormed off saying he walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.



I'm now worried, he'll come around eventually.

With a little luck he won’t notice when he gets to the edge and walk over. Then you’ll never have to listen to him spout such nonsense again.

[LakeSuperior]

Originally Posted by Adelie

With a little luck he won’t notice when he gets to the edge and walk over. Then you’ll never have to listen to him spout such nonsense again.

Clever!!

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

Clever!!

Takes bow.

[GordMay]

Someone asked me if I was one of those conspiracy theorists.
I replied, “Why, who are you working for?”

Three conspiracy theorists walk in to a bar.
You can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence.

[HopCar]

With all the talk of sea level rise, are you guys planning to buy a longer anchor rode?

[SailRN]

Originally Posted by HopCar

With all the talk of sea level rise, are you guys planning to buy a longer anchor rode?

Of course!

I just ordered a new anchor rode 10.2 cm longer than my current one.

[Lodesman]

Originally Posted by HopCar

With all the talk of sea level rise, are you guys planning to buy a longer anchor rode?

No I'll just go further inshore, away from the idiot masses crowded around the magenta anchor symbol on the chart that's in 200 ft of water.

[senormechanico]

I'll worry about sea level rise when my anchor gets fouled on old telephone pole power lines.

[tkeithlu]

Last night I tasted Fosters blue label for the first time.

On a completely unrelated note, what do you Aussies do with all that sheep urine?

[GordMay]

Illustrators and scientists are coming together on Twitter to celebrate the amazing, fascinating and very silly world of #invertebuttweek. From the marine worm Ramisyllis multicaudata, which has more than 100 bottoms, to the eternal scientific question of what even is a bum, it's so far surprisingly humorous, tasteful, and family-friendly.

For example: