The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Tetepare]

Stolen from another thread:

What’s the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?


Canoes tip.

[Jamme]

[Jamme]

[Bullshooter]

What's the difference between Ukrainians and Americans?

Ukrainians care about defending their Capitol.

[AKA-None]

Look we know we have some issues let’s stick with jokes please

[JPA Cate]

A reminder here, even offensive political jokes are allowed; it is commenting on them that is not.

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

DICTIONARY OF MEDICAL TERMS



Anti-Body against everyone

Artery study of paintings

Bacteria back door to a cafeteria

Barium what to do when treatment fails

Bowel letters like A E I O or U

Caesarean Section a district in Rome

Cardiology advanced study of poker playing

Cat Scan searching for ones lost kitty

Cauterize made eye contact with her

Colic sheep dog

Coma punctuation mark

Congenital friendly

D/C where Washington is

Dilate to live long

Enema not a friend

Fester quicker

Genes blue denim slacks

Genital non-Jewish

Hangnail coat hook

Hemorrhoid a male From outer space

Herpes what women do in the Ladies Room

Hormones what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid

Impotent distinguished, well known

Inpatient tired of waiting

Labor Pain hurt at work

Medical Staff a doctor's cane

Minor Operation coal digging

Morbid a higher bid

Nitrate cheaper than the Day Rate

Node was aware of

Organic organ repairman

Outpatient a person who has fainted

Paralyze two far-fetched stories

Pharmacist person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

Post-Operative a letter carrier

Protein in favor of young people

Recovery Room place to upholster furniture

Rectum what happened to the Corvette

Rheumatic amorous

Saline where you go on your boyfriend's boat

Secretion hiding something

Tablet a small table

Terminal Illness getting sick at the airport

Tibia country in North Africa

Tumor an extra pair

Urine opposite of You're Out

Varicose nearby

Vein conceited

[SailRN]

The New Maid
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman
answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just
figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like
to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that
witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed
by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uh.. is this 832-4821?"

[SailRN]

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for

the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"


"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

[SailRN]

Please, please, do not insult others here on this joke forum, at least not using common contemporary insult words.

Here's a an alternative, you know, to class up your insults:


Shakespear Insult Aid

Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou":






Anyone know how to make postings accept columns? It wouldn't take the column-format from my word processor, so I took a picture of my word processor screen and posted that. Or if there was a way to post a larger picture.

[StuM]

Originally Posted by SailRN

Please, please, do not insult others here on this joke forum, at least not using common contemporary insult words.

Anyone know how to make postings accept columns? It wouldn't take the column-format from my word processor, so I took a picture of my word processor screen and posted that. Or if there was a way to post a larger picture.

It would be great if you attached that list to a post as a .txt file (or even a .doc file)

[JPA Cate]

Doesn't matter, all those would be comments on joke posters, and deleted, even delicious.