The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

Q: Why are liberal politics so confusing?
A: In liberal politics, left is right, and right is wrong

Q: Why does it seem like 90% of CFers are hardcore liberal atheists?
A: Because the conservatives are all at work.

Q: What do you call a left leaning pirate with scurvy?
A: A bleeding-gum liberal

Q: Why is it good to have a Liberal passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What do you call a Liberal with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome

Q: What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer, with a crooked politician?
A: Chelsea Clinton.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by SailRN

That was a mean trick the genie played on that guy, but then genies are known as evil spirits.
And California is not known for making good decisions.

Q: How do you keep a dimwit in suspense?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow!

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man ...
Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation, when it was found that he owned 100 guns, and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo, stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache."

By southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called "mentally unstable."

But, just imagine if he lived somewhere else.

In Arizona and New Mexico he'd be "an avid gun collector"

In Arkansas and Oklahoma, he's "a novice gun collector"

In Utah he's "moderately well prepared" but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of food stored.

In Colorado and Montana he's the "neighborhood 'go to' guy"

In Idaho he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate"

In Wyoming, he's "an eligible bachelor"

In Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas, he would be called "a deer hunting buddy "

And in Alabama, he's just "Bubba" who's short on ammo.

[GordMay]

Top tip of the day: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?” - “identify it” is the wrong answer.

Tip 2: Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tip 3: Remember, being healthy is basically, just dying, as slowly as possible.

Tip 4: Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning.
Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout, but you also don’t die.

[Idaho]

Q: Why did I get the smallpox vaccine in 1962?

A: So I could not get monkey pox in 2022.

[skipmac]

And more news humor

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[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[OutOfControl]

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it, doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again."


The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf ever. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

"That's unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just two, said the golfer, "I have trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection, I get a headache."

[Bullshooter]

The people who beleived that Obama was not born in the U.S. were called birthers.

Then Obama produced his birth certificate, but they were not satisfied. They wanted to see the Placenta. Now they are known as After-birthers.

[GordMay]

A dead-on send-up of corporate thinking; it’s at once wry, unconventional, funny, and motivating, featuring kids kids matter-of-factly stating they wanted to “be replaced on a whim” and “claw my way up to middle management.”
➥ https://youtu.be/myG8hq1Mk00

[GordMay]