The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[s/v Jedi]

Lkjhg

[GordMay]

Boris Johnson [or insert your least favoured here] walks into a Bank
He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
The cashier says “It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?”
Johnson replies: “: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.””
The cashier says: “Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”
Johnson says: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
The Cashier responds: “I am sorry, Mr Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Johnson says: “Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque.”
The cashier relents.
“Alright sir, here is an example of what we can do,” he says.
“One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held by the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
“Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To prove who he was, he made delicious chicken parm right here on my table, called the branch manager a ****ing donkey, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?”
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank. There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do."
The cashier replies: “That will do just fine good sir, will that be large or small notes?”

[SailRN]

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393

[s/v Jedi]

poiuy

[Checkswrecks]

A friend who photographs weddings and funerals has developed an observation that there is one aspect they have in common. They both are either the beginning of Heaven or Hell.

[SailRN]

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The shortest sentence: I am.


The longest sentence: I do.



394

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

For the Jubillers

[Firemandivi]

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.


Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.


For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.


One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left

Starboard Right

[OutOfControl]

Some of you will get this.

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