The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[OutOfControl]

Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says. “We only have one rule here in heaven, don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Well, along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. And then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – Very tall, long eyelashes. and muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says. “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says. “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

[Rjt]

Hey Gord. Just for the record, I love your humour.
And by an amazing coincidence, some scientists convinced me climate change isn’t just in my imagination.
Keep ‘em coming.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

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[tkeithlu]

True story, as related by Howell Heflin's grandson.

Senator Heflin, of Alabama, and Senator Kennedy, of Massachusetts were friendly adversaries. A paparazzi got a photograph of Teddy doing what Teddy did best with a young lady in the cockpit of a lobster boat off Cape Cod. I've seen the photo, and, yeah. Heflin got the photo, took it to Kennedy, and said:

"Gee Teddy, I'm glad to see that you have changed your position on off-shore drilling."

[CruiseN]

From fB

[Tom_F]

[GordMay]

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[chrisr]

Originally Posted by GordMay

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FIFY





cheers,

[Tayana42]

What do you call fake (gluten free) spaghetti? An im-pasta.

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call a factory that sells okay products? A satisfactory.

What do old horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.**He told me to stop going to those places.**

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?*

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was fine—he woke up.

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

[Wotname]

You know who you are...

[johnny AoB]

Subject: Best News I Have Heard Yet!

In case you feel bad about missing your exercise today, ponder this:

• The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54.
• The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.
• The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41.
• The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60.
• James Fuller Fixx, credited with helping start America's fitness
revolution by popularizing the sport of running died of a heart
attack while jogging at age 52.



BUT ...



• The KFC inventor died at 94.
• The inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88.
• Cigarette maker Charles Winston died at the age of 102.
• The inventor of opium died at the age of 116, in an earthquake.
• And, the Hennessey Liquor inventor died at 98.

How did smart people come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping up and down, but it lives for only two
years, and the turtle, that doesn't exercise at all, lives 400 years.

Get some rest, chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life!

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

I don't get it - can someone explain?

[StuM]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I don't get it - can someone explain?

They've pirated one of the containers out of the mddile of the stack