The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

4 million of these people enter America every year.
They are uneducated, unskilled and contribute nothing.
They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad.
THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!!

Man, I hate babies!

[GordMay]

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’ sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now,” he concluded, “which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

[JPA Cate]

2nd row from bottom, 3rd container over, Gord. See the hill in the background?

Ann

[Asmolian]

And a take on the game of Jenga (The game where you have a tower of blocks and have to remove a block, in turn, and place the removed block on top of the tower. The loser being the one who causes the tower to collapse).

[GordMay]

Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt, and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline.

Q: What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
A: Prime mates.

Q: Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
A: 10+10 is twenty, and 11+11 is twenty too.

I grilled a chicken for two hours.
It still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.

[jeanathon]

The chicken crossed the road to show the opossum it could be done.

[Uncle Bob]

[GordMay]

Q: What's the difference between Donald Trump, and a bird?
A: A bird can still tweet.

[GordMay]

It's easy to explain why so many national governments are in shambles today.
Empires used to be run by emperors.
Kingdoms were run by kings.
And now we have countries ...

How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:

One to report it as an inspired government program, to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy, to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize, for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb, in the first place.


If everyone stopped paying taxes ...
The government couldn't afford to do anything about it.*


* Speaking of which:

[Greatest Lakes]

Good times.

[StuM]

I was walking past a pet shop and saw a
sign that sold ’Pedigree Netherlands
cats. I wanted to be sure it was really
from the Netherlands so I went into the
shop and asked the assistant
.
.
.
.
.
.



’How Dutch is that moggie in the window?

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

shower.jpg Views: 233 Size: 69.2 KB ID: 241310" style="margin: 2px" />