The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Uncle Bob]

Originally Posted by Alan Mighty

I think the story is imagined and invented.

Mohandas Gandhi did study law at University College of London from 1888 to 1891. In 1891 he returned India and started to practice law in Bombay/Mumbai.

All accounts suggest that he was reticent to the point of being too shy to act as a barrister arguing legal points in open court. He continued in law, working as a solicitor.

A significant turning point for Gandhiji was in 1893, when he went to South Africa to help a South African legal practice in one lawsuit. Racial discrimination he and others confronted in South Africa motivated him. In particular, when he had finished his work with that legal firm in 1894 and was about to travel home to India, Gandhi was outraged by the move of the South African government to disenfranchise Indians before the next election. That prompted him to act in protest. He delayed his return to his wife and family in India until 1896 (and ended up going again to South Africa, living there for about 20 years).

Given that timeline and the passing attempt in the anecdote to embroider it with minimal detail ('whose last name was Peters') to add a scent of verisimilitude, I dismiss the story and suggest it not be spread.

Alan, check where it is posted.

[GordMay]

[ChrisJHC]

Prepare to gybe!

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1625278260

[GordMay]

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[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[SailRN]

[SailRN]

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[SailRN]

[SailRN]

The Arizona Republic
Dave Barry

Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term "relationship."

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later, he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking. Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward. . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . .Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieving bastards six hundred dollars.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it . . .

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have . . . Oh, I feel so . . ." (She breaks down sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that . . . it's that I . . .I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally, he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day, Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said, and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:

Huh?

But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 Tip to remember is:

1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your everyday conversation such as:

* "Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet `n' Low, inasmuch as we are have a relationship?"

* "Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."

Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Someday he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say. "Elaine and I, we have, ummm. . . We have, ahhh . . . We . . . We have this thing."

And he will sincerely mean it.

[GordMay]

Q: Would it have been possible to avoid the disaster of Chernobyl?
A: In theory yes, but those damn Swedes couldn't keep their mouth shut.

Q: What’s the difference between the truth, and a conspiracy theory?
A: About 6-12 months.

Gravity is a conspiracy theory.
It's just another way for The Man to keep you down.

During a conversation, a friend brings up his theory about how the moon landings were faked.
I give him a concerned look, and say “you believe in the moon?”

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?
We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”.

[GordMay]

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction,
Traffic accidents.

Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

[GordMay]

A son asks his dad: "Daddy, what is string theory?"
The dad replied: "Why are you asking me such difficult questions, come on ask me something easier"
The son then asks: "Um ok so why does mommy get mad sometimes?"

The dad replied: "String theory is a theoretical framework, in which the point-like particles of particle physics ..."

[Eigenvector]

You can't make this stuff up.......................


https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/02/chp-...h-on-hood.html