The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by Lodesman

Reminds me of this ad:

There was an equally famous Top Gear stunt in which a BWM E30 and a SAAB 99 were dropped on their respective roofs.

The BMW collapsed, flattened.


The SAAB literally bounced.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9fw9nou_G8

[IslandHopper]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1XBn495gwYE

[IslandHopper]

[IslandHopper]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically-speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffaloshit!... It mean someone stole tent."

[carlosproa]

[OutOfControl]

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned the task of helping the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what’s wrong.

“You idiots”, he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, “the word was celebrate!”

[Montanan]

[Dave_S]

Attachment...

[ahun]

True.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1668738033

[Montanan]

The NSA Walks into a bar.
"Hey, I've got a great new joke for you!" the barman says.
The NSA smiles. "Heard it."


Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out!” shouts the barman. “We don’t serve your type here!”


An amnesiac walks into a bar.
He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”


Jimmy Wales* walks into a bar.
[citation needed]

*co-founder of Wikipedia


Two dragons walk into a bar.
The first one says, "It sure is hot in here."

His friend snaps back, "Shut your mouth!"


A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The screwdriver squeals, "You have a drink named Philip??"


Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll have a beer.”

The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.”

The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”

Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”



A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder.
The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. "Hey, that’s neat," says the bartender. "Where did you get that?”
“France," the kitty says. "They’ve got millions of them there!”


A panda walks into a bar.
He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.

“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”

Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”



This cowboy walks into a bar.
His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.


The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.



A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time traveler walk into a bar.
“What is this," the bartender yells, "some kind of joke??”

A man runs into a bar.
Panting, he tells the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whiskey—quick!" So the barkeep sets them up and the man knocks them all back in seconds.

"Why you drinking so fast?" asks the barkeep.

"You'd drink fast too if you had what I have," says the man.

"Why, what do you have?" asks the barkeep.

"Only twelve cents."


A five-dollar bill walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar.


Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.



A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.


A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, sir. We don't serve food here."


A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Have you been served?"


Two jumper cables walk into a bar.
One of them says, “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”

The bartender says, “OK, but don’t start anything.”

[Montanan]

A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch.
The bartender says "Sure. Just get in line."

The guy looks over and gets confused 'cause there's no punchline.



Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.

[Montanan]

When does a joke actually becomes a dad joke?
The answer is very simple: when it becomes apparent!


I'm so generous that I gave my dead batteries away, free of charge!


I used to work at a calendar factory, but then I got fired because I took a couple of days off.


Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.


Change is hard. Just try to bend a coin and you'll see.


What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.


Do you know what a sprinter eats before a race? Nothing, they fast.


Swimming with sharks is really expensive. Last time I did it, it cost me an arm and a leg.


What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.


Do you know what's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The space bar. Wizards, on the other hand, are more into software. They love a good spell checker.


I was very sad this morning when my son asked: "Can I have a bookmark?" He is 10 and still doesn't know my name is John.


Why wasn't Han Solo happy about his steak dinner? Because it was a bit Chewie.


Do you know why my friend called his dogs Timex and Rolex? Because they are watchdogs.


This morning I was reminiscing about the amazing herb garden I had at home when I was growing up. Good thymes.


Don't fart in an Apple Store. They don't have Windows. Plus, there might be lots of iWitnesses


Do you know what's the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.


What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.


Two guys stole a calendar. They each got 6 months.


Do you know why pirates don't take a bath before they walk the plank? Because they wash up on shore.

[Mirage35]

Long time since I laughed that hard.

[Firemandivi]