The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[SailRN]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction,
Traffic accidents.

Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

My understanding of the dinosaur extinction:


T. Rex had a huge mouth with prominent razor-sharp teeth, and when they grabbed prey they tended to gobble it down their throat.


With those short little forearms they just couldn't do the Heimlich Manuever...

[SailRN]

This is a JOKE, not an invitation to trolls, bullies, and other superior beings to foment an argument! And it does not reflect my personal beliefs; it is a JOKE ONLY.


Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?


First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let`s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle`s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

[jeanathon]

Well there you go. If it works on a Prius while driving it should work on out boats.. That driver is brilliant!

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

You can't make this stuff up.......................


https://www.cnbc.com/2021/07/02/chp-...h-on-hood.html

[OutOfControl]

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,

"Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on... It doesn't matter to me. I just love it!"

His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, " No kidding... I'm in Government too. Are you federal or state?"

[StuM]

Platypus

[GordMay]

Reminds me of some of our CF discussions.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[Tayana42]

You know you're getting old when...

Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

Your back goes out ...but you stay home.

When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

You finally get your head together ...and your body starts falling apart.

[OutOfControl]

White House Fence

Three contractors bid to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.


The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000. That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan works.

[SailRN]

Originally Posted by OutOfControl

White House Fence

...
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan works.

Hey! This is a joke thread! We shouldn't be discussing real life topics.

[CatNewBee]

Too many offensive monuments around....