The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[StuM]

Originally Posted by boatman61

Like $hit of a shovel.. Very fast.

Cnnversely, "sticks like **** on a blanket"

[Wotname]

Originally Posted by StuM

Cnnversely, "sticks like **** sika on a blanket"

FIFY

[StuM]

Originally Posted by StuM

Cnnversely, "sticks like **** on a blanket"

And while we're on the topic:

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1673175839

[carstenb]

For those who are winter depressed

[Idaho]

TGIF = Tongue Goes In First.

[JPA Cate]

Four political posts have been removed. Political jokes, please post in the political jokes thread. Thank you.

[Montanan]

2023 Fitness Resolution be like:

An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

[Montanan]

The dafynition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+.

[Montanan]

Can’t believe the National Spelling Bee ended in a tye.

The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a bar and paid for a woman’s drink. She thanked him but wondered why a stranger had bought her a beer. “I’m running for mayor,” he told her, “and I want your vote.” “You got it,” she said, grabbing her glass. “Anyone’s better than the jerk who’s in there now.”

[Montanan]

Historic headlines reimagined for a social media–obsessed audience:

•1912: 6 Titanic Survivors Who Should Have Died
•1920: 17 Things That Will Be Outlawed Now That Women Can Vote
•1928: This One Weird Mold Kills All Germs
•1929: Most Embarrassing Reactions to the Stock Market Crash [GIFS]
•1948: 5 Insane Plans for Feeding West Berlin You Won’t Believe Are Real
•1969: This Is the Most Important Photo of an Astronaut You’ll See All Day
•1989: You Won’t Believe What These People Did to the Berlin Wall!

[Montanan]

My husband and I were daydreaming about what we would do if we won the lottery.

I started: “I’d hire a cook so that I could just say, ‘Hey, make me a sandwich!’”

Thomas shook his head. “Not me. I already have one of those.”

[Montanan]

My friend Garrick had the solution to forgetting his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary: He opened an account with a local florist and provided it with both dates as well as instructions to send flowers and a card signed “Your loving husband, Garrick.”

For a few years, it worked.

Then one day, Garrick came home on their wedding anniversary. He saw the flowers on the dining room table and said, “What nice flowers. Where did you get them?”

[Montanan]

My husband cooks for me like I’m a god—by placing burnt offerings before me every night.

[Montanan]

A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife's hearing. The doctor says, "Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you."
The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing.
Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again "What's for dinner?" She turns around and says "For the THIRD time, beef stew!"