The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

[PippaB]

Two years on. Where should I put the generator during the power outage? Well, between the natural gas meter and the propane tank locker, naturally.

[Montanan]

Soon to be St. Patty's Day so bring on the Irish jokes.

[Mirage35]

It's my understanding that the kilt was in fact an Irish invention which they then gave to the Scots.

The Scots haven't got the joke yet.

[goguygo]

An oldie but I still laugh....


Two men were sitting next to each other at a pub in London.


After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’
The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’


About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’


Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’


‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

[Montanan]

Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.



How do you know if an Irishman is having a good time?
He’s Dublin over with laughter.



Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw a sign saying “Tree fellers” wanted. Murphy said to Pat, said, ‘If only Seamus had been with us we’d have got that job.’

[Montanan]

Murphy was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery. After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’ ‘That’s grand,’ shouted Murphy, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?’



What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?
Liam Malone.



How do we know that Christ was Irish?
A. Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.

[Montanan]

Paddy told Murphy that his wife was driving him to drink.
Murphy considers him to be very lucky. His wife makes him walk.

[ChrisJHC]

Not many people are aware that, in Ireland, they bury people along the side of the road along with a marker that shows:
Their age
Their name
Where they came from

That’s why you see so many signs that say, for example:
“50 Miles from Dublin”
“30 Miles from Kilkenny”

[Montanan]

What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’furniture.


What do you call a big Irish spider?
A Paddy long legs.


What do you call an Irishman covered in boils? – Irish One Liner Jokes
A leper-chaun.

[Montanan]

Seamus, do you understand French?
Ah, I do if it’s spoken in Irish.


‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath.
‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’


What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A Murder Suspect.


Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Cos they’re always a little short.

[Montanan]

An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever I ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
“Who told you that?” asked Paddy.

[Montanan]

Ever so suitable for the CruisersForum:

Paddy says to Mary if you were stranded on a desert island who would you like most to be with you?”

“My uncle Mick” replies Paddy.

“What’s so special about him?” asks Mary.

“He’s got a boat,” says Paddy

[Montanan]

The barman says to Paddy “Your glass is empty, fancy another one?”
Lookin’ puzzled Paddy says “Why know would i be needed two empty feckin glasses?



Paddy went to the Doc’s today and said: “do you treat alcoholics.” The Dr replied, “of course we do”………Paddy said “great get your coat on, I’m feckin skint –

[Montanan]

What do you call a fake Irish stone?

A shamrock