The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

Just asking.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Oh s---, I forgot to feed the dog!"

[Montanan]

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.

. . .

People who can extrapolate from an incomplete data set can finish the joke themselves ("... and those who cannot.")

People who can't extrapolate from an incomplete data set — well, they're left hanging.

[Montanan]

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen.

Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!"

Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"

[Montanan]

What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

You get beer.

The square root of a squared number is the number itself. For example, the square root of 2^2 is 2.

Thus, when you put root beer in a square glass — in other words, square root beer or take the square root of beer — you get beer.

[Montanan]

A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

[Montanan]

A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended.

The tailor asks, "Euripides?"

The professor replies, "Yes. Eumenides?"

[Montanan]

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

[StuM]

Mark Twain — 'Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.'

[mikereed100]

An Irishman emigrates to Boston, leaving his twin brother behind.
Every night, after work, he goes to the same bar and orders 2 Guinesses.
The bartender asks "why always two?"
The Irishman says "My brother and I always shared a beer after work. When I emigrated we made a pact that we would each have a beer in honor of the other after work, no matter where in the world we are".
After a year of this he comes in and orders a single Guiness.
The bartender, concerned, asks if his brother is OK.
"My brother's fine" he says, "it's me, I've quit drinking".

[chrisr]

how do you sink an irish submarine ?


...knock on the door...

yes, i know : an oldies, but my grandkids love it

cheers,

[SeanPatrick]

I'm soulless, and I approve of this message...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw

Éirinn go Brách!!

[jeanathon]

I have the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

[tkeithlu]

Scientists have conclusively demonstrated that the fastest animal on Earth is the cow (Bos taurus), which can reach speeds of 120 feet per second (82 MPH, 132 KPH) when dropped from a helicopter.