The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Lodesman]

Originally Posted by tkeithlu

Scientists have conclusively demonstrated that the fastest animal on Earth is the cow (Bos taurus), which can reach speeds of 120 feet per second (82 MPH, 132 KPH) when dropped from a helicopter.

Well that's not on Earth, now is it?

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by Lodesman

Well that's not on Earth, now is it?

Umm, it is eventually!

[Wotname]

Originally Posted by Lodesman

Well that's not on Earth, now is it?

It does reach that speed when on Earth, not our problem that it decelerates shortly later

[Lodesman]

Originally Posted by Wotname

It does reach that speed when on Earth, not our problem that it decelerates shortly later

By that standard, I'd wager a near-sighted peregrine falcon, which can reach speeds of 240mph (390 km/h) in a dive is the fastest animal on Earth...

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1677796279

[Montanan]

Still winter here in Montana.

[Montanan]

[Tom_F]

[Firemandivi]

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by Montanan

Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw a sign saying “Tree fellers” wanted. Murphy said to Pat, said, ‘If only Seamus had been with us we’d have got that job.’

Dere was annudder Oirishman, Padraic by name but known as Paddy, who appeared at a Canadian lumber camp, looking for work.


The Canadian foreman asked him if he had any experience as a tree feller, to which Paddy replied in the affirmative.

"Oi can cut down a t'ousand trees a day, oi can!"



Shocked, the foreman asked him where he'd learned to cut down a thousand trees a day?


"In the Sahara Forest, don't you know!", Paddy replied.


"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?", the foreman asked?


Paddy replied; "Well, to be sure, and it is NOW...!"

[StuM]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Dere was annudder Oirishman, Padraic by name but known as Paddy, who appeared at a Canadian lumber camp, looking for work.

So the foreman asked him if he knows hot to use a chainsaw and how many trees he typically cuts down in a day.

Paddy says, "Sure an I can do four trees a day, easy".

The foreman thinks that is not many, but decides to give Paddy a go and says that he would give Paddy a lesson on felling technique first.

When they get to the first tree, the foreman says "Now watch where I cut" and starts the chainsaw.
.
.
.


Paddy yells " Jaysus! what's that noise?".

[Buzzman]

StuM...

MY version of that joke is a shaggy dog story that takes 10 minutes to get to the punchline, with the poor Irishman told he has to cut down 100 trees per day, and getting closer and closer and closer....and more and more exhausted each day....until the HUGE Canadian lumberjack takes him out in his HUGE pickup truck to "show him how its done" .....with the same punchline.

My father's brother, and my godfather, Graham 'Grace' Walker first told me this joke when I was about 12 years old. Has never left me, and is often repeated. His accents and frantic depiction of the Irishman was a delight. I'm told I tell it 'pretty well'....

[As an aside, he is now retired, living in Georgia, one of his final jobs being Art Director on 'The Walking Dead'. He did several 'seasons' of the show, and I had great pride (and enjoyment) seeing his name in the credits at the end of each episode.
My son, a huge fan of the show, did not believe we were related until I googled him and told my son what was in my uncle's bio - without looking at it... I began to get some respect after that episode.... lol].

[Montanan]

Enjoy the romance novel.