The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1682553796

[Montanan]

Every cruiser needs a shirt like this.

[Montanan]

Closed until further notice.

[Montanan]

Diligent USPS Mailman be like:

I old enough to recall this kind of note would be left by a milkman.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

British humor.

[Montanan]

Recalling 2020

[Firemandivi]

If I ever turned invisible the first thing I'd do is go to France and beat up a mime. Everyone would think he is the greatest performer to ever live.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

1. What do you do with a drunker sailor?

Worry he’s gonna get wrecked!

2. “Can you go pick up my boat? It’s at the dock.”

Oh no! Is it sick? You should give it some vitamin sea.

3. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says: “Hey, did you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?”

“Aye, sir that it be, “says the pirate, “it’s driving me nuts!”

4. At the regatta, the blue sailboat hit the red one…

They were marooned!

5. Guy goes out on a friends yacht and asks, “don’t these cheap yachts sink all the time.”

His brother answers: “All the time? If it’s gonna sink, it’ll only be once!”

6. Two sailors talking, the first one says, “My girlfriend just sailed to the Caribbean.”

“Jamaica?” The other one asked.

“Heck no! She’d been wanting to go for a long time.”

7. When is it time to paint another coat on a pirate ship?

When its timbers be shivering!

8. What do British sea monsters eat?

Why fish and ships, of course!

9. Guy at the Marina: “So which of these boats is the one I won in the dice game?”


“Yacht C,” the attendant says.

“No. Craps!”

10. Don’t worry. Schooner or later, you’ll learn to sail!


11. Why do pirates have such a hard time remembering the alphabet?

They get lost at “C”.

12. How do boats say hello to one another?

They wave!

13. Pirate at the pirate awards: “And I would like to thank me wife, me daughters, and last boat not least, my ship!’

14. What do sailors get when they’re finally cured of writer’s block?

A tidal wave.

15. What did Watson say to his boss when he noticed their boat had to be towed?

“No ****! Sherlock.”

16. I went to the Black Friday sale at the boat store.

It was quite an oar deal.

17. Why is the boat always getting great deals?

It loves a sail.

18. How do you know when a boat is feeling affectionate?

When it hugs the shore!

19. What’s the sailor’s favorite detergent?

Tide.

20. What did they call the boat that refused to let sea men on?

Censor-ship.

21. How do you rejuvenate an old boat?

Boat-tox.

22. Where do zombies go sailing?

In the Dead Sea.

[Montanan]

The Tale of Two British Sailors:

PJ and Ross, two British sailors, attended a church service in
Cherbourg. Not speaking a word of French and not wishing to appear out of
place they sat behind an important looking man and when he stood up or
knelt down, they did the same.

At the end of the service, the priest made what was evidently an
announcement, whereupon the man in front of PJ and Ross rose to his feet,
and they did likewise - to a roar of laughter from the congregation.

As the sailors left the church, the priest spoke to them in English, so
they asked him the reason for the laughter.

'Oh,' he said smiling, 'I mentioned that next Sunday morning there was
to be a service of baptism and would the father of the child please stand
up.'

[Montanan]

What did the Canadian say to the other Canadian when they saw a guy in a giant pink bathtub sailing around in circles in the middle of Lake Ontario?


"What's that, a boat?"

[Montanan]

Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.
The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.

When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing seafaring tragedies like the one they experienced.

On the day their child was born, the husband was too nervous to be in the delivery room. After the child was born, he went to go see his wife and newborn child.

The wife is exuberant and tells her husband, "Great news, honey! It's a buoy!"

[Montanan]

Captain, are u sure we're sailing to Italy?
-Of course.
-But the compass is upside down.
-Off course.