The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

[Adelie]

I was about to say that works both ways but then I recalled rule #1.

[chrisr]

A little old lady goes to her doctor for a checkup. The doctor asks her if she is having any problems.

“Yes doctor I have a problem. I have to fart a lot. I fart all the time. Fortunately no one can hear them or smell them. In fact I have farted twice just since you came in. I bet you couldn’t hear or smell them, could you.”

The doctor gives her an examination and says to her, “I can treat this problem with an over-the-counter medication, a prescription, and a referral.”

“The over-the-counter medication will help your body produce less gas, the prescription medication will help you recover your sense of smell, and I am giving you a referral to an Audiologist to see if they can help you to hear better.”

cheers,

[GordMay]

[BlueH2Obound]

This is evil! Currently searching for a bulk source of these . . . .

[Cheechako]

seems about right....

[GordMay]

My wife told me she wanted a divorce for Valentine's Day.
I told her I hadn't planned on spending that much.

[CSY Man]

Ouch...

[OutOfControl]

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.

"Look what you did to my car" he yells.
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my" says the old man, "I don't have that kind of money.

Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."

"Dolphins" the other driver huffs, while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulls out his phone, dials his son and just as his son answered, the irate man snatches the phone away from the old man.

"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh? Well, Your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need 10 grand right now or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.

When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….

"For the last time dad, I train Seals, Navy Seals.....

NOT dolphins!"

[carlosproa]

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by carlosproa

Attachment 277931

hahah...very good

would add the Australian Out-Of-Office

"we are sorry, the person you have attempted to contact is on an RDO and/or stress leave. your call is important to us however we have been receiving an unusually large number of calls so the response time is unknown. we suggest to call again later"



cheers,

[chrisr]

An Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman, and Irishman are captured by the Afghan Taliban and sentenced to death by firing squad.

Before being shot they are asked if they have any last requests:

The Welshman says “Before I die, I would like to hear 1000 Welsh voices singing ‘Land of my Fathers’”.

The Irishman says “Before I die, I would like to see 1000 Irish dancers performing ‘Riverdance’”.

The Scotsmen says “Before I die, I would like to hear 1000 bagpipes playing ‘Scotland the Brave’”.

“And you, English pig! What is your last request?”

“For ****s sake, please shoot me first!”

[Montanan]

Very fun prank the wives pulled upon their husbands.

Video link:

https://twitter.com/i/status/1679097267142238209

[boatman61]

I hate these 'In' jokes..

[OutOfControl]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the highway, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I’m too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.