The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

[carlosproa]

[GordMay]

[carlosproa]

[GordMay]

“... There was a tap at the door. "Funny place to put a tap", I thought.
I opened it, and there was a beautiful woman standing there. I kissed her. She screamed.
So I took the cigarette out of my mouth ...”
~ Inspector Jacques Clouseau

[GordMay]

[Jim Cate]

From an old friend in California:

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

St. Peter said,

"I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?

"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple.

"But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted.

"It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!

Jim

[Montanan]

[Wotname]

Nailed it!

[Jon Hacking]

Originally Posted by Wotname

Nailed it!

This is copied from the front of Beard & McKey's book: Sailing: the fine art of slowly going nowhere at great expense.

It's a FABULOUS book of very humorous sailing definitions, & most sailors will love it. Unfortunately, it's been out of print for years. Our copy is quite dog-eared, but I've referred to it so often that I've memorized most of the good definitions. Highly recommended if you find a copy somewhere.

[carlosproa]

[carlosproa]

This one is old but funny

A very very old guy shows up one day at the pearly gates. He is so old that he can’t recall his name and so no record to be found to let him in.

The angel at the gate start interrogating him as to see if they could determine who he is.

Angel:Tell me more about yourself
Man - I was a very famous carpenter, the son that I loved was not really mine, it was a miracle from God and I considered him my son. My story and him became very famous around the world, they even made movies about him.

The Angel suspects the old man is Joseph, Jesus’ father and so he send for Jesus to come to the gate.

Jesus arrives at the gate with great emotions and his usual brightness shining outwards, so much so that it partially blinds the old man.

Jesus: FATHER IS THAT YOU???

The old man unable to see calls out:
Pinocchio?

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by carlosproa

Attachment 281333

65358979

[tkeithlu]

Good try, delmarrey, but to quote Britannica, "Because pi is irrational (not equal to the ratio of any two whole numbers), its digits do not repeat"

In other words, there are no last eight digits to pi.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by tkeithlu

Good try, delmarrey, but to quote Britannica, "Because pi is irrational (not equal to the ratio of any two whole numbers), its digits do not repeat"

In other words, there are no last eight digits to pi.

So, the # 3.1415965358979 that I’ve been using for the past 50+ years in machine work has been wrong. No wonder boats have been sinking and planes falling from the sky.