The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

Today, I successfully weighed a rainbow.
Turns out, it was pretty light.


BTW: Here are the three unwritten rules of being successful at life.
1.
2.
3.

[chrisr]

A woman went to her doctor's office.

She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained.

He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded,

"What's the matter with you?

Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?

cheers,

[chrisr]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!'

So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, Aand along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together. With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months, without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her, with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being, chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!'

cheers,

[ChrisJHC]

I watched a movie on building steel ships the other day.

It was riveting!

[JPA Cate]

A Tom Swifty, for the elders:

"I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom, condescendingly.

[AKA-None]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

A Tom Swifty, for the elders:

"I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom, condescendingly.

I remember reading Tom Swift

[Jim Cate]

"I spent the summer living with a group of female artists in Paris" said Tom indifferently.

Jim

[GordMay]

My wife wants to publish a cookbook, that teaches people how to prepare nutritious and tasty meals, using the kinds of meagre rations, that are available, in the aftermath of a hurricane/earthquake/flood/etc.

I told her: "It sounds like a recipe for disaster."

[Jamme]

New jeans and tshirt:

[Jamme]

The last step of a ladder explained:

[GordMay]

Q: What do you call it, when a ladder is replaced with stairs?
A: Climb-it change.

[GordMay]

I had to get on a ladder, to change a lightbulb, in the garage, this afternoon.
You could say, it was the high light of my day.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

Q: How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind?
A: Use a news anchor.

Q: What do you call a gust of wind, that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft.

Q: Why do windchimes dance in the wind?
A: Because they have to tinkle.


BTW: I purchased a set of wind chimes.
It’s a pretty sound investment.

[GordMay]

I bought a second hand time machine, next Sunday.
They don’t make them, like they’re going to, anymore.