The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

I dunno... starting in 1931 as quoted they just might have made it by December 1941 when the attack actually happened!

Jim

Don't go getting all holier than thou cuz you know the actual decade it happened!

[HopCar]

Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr

Any cat owner can debunk this theory. If it were true, Australia would already have been pushed off the edge of the earth. Or under a couch.

Only if the earth was flat. There for the earth is round.

[Lodesman]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Umm, they flew off of aircraft carriers - duh!

[Jim Cate]

^^^^^

He who laughs last didn't get the joke...

Jim

[Lee Jerry]

Originally Posted by Lodesman

Umm, they flew off of aircraft carriers - duh!

Or...they could just sail/fly East...

Japan is in the Pacific. Hawaii is in the Pacific. Why cross the Indian O and Atlantic O to get from the former to the latter?

[senormechanico]

[GordMay]

On a plane full of Cruisers, a man starts having a heart attack.
A flight attendant notices, and quickly shouts: “We’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”

Immediately, five people stand up, and say
"I'm not a doctor, but...”

[GordMay]

Q: Do you know, what really floats my boat?
A: Archimedes' principle.

[Lodesman]

Originally Posted by Lee Jerry

Or...they could just sail/fly East...

Japan is in the Pacific. Hawaii is in the Pacific. Why cross the Indian O and Atlantic O to get from the former to the latter?

Whoosh!
We all know they went East from Japan, but single-engine fighter-bombers couldn't fly that distance either. They flew off carriers in a battle-group, so it made no difference which direction they went.

[GordMay]

A coma in a sentence can literally change everything.
For example:
“Ben is in a hurry.”
“Ben is in a coma.”

A literalist takes things literally.
A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

People really shouldn't take things literally.
That's stealing.

[GordMay]

[Lee Jerry]

Originally Posted by Lodesman

Whoosh!
We all know they went East from Japan, but single-engine fighter-bombers couldn't fly that distance either. They flew off carriers in a battle-group, so it made no difference which direction they went.

Whoosh!
It was a commentary on the flat earther map of the original joke.



And then there's this:

Originally Posted by senormechanico

[GordMay]

Q: : What is yellow, and hurts like hell, when it's in your eye?
A: A bulldozer.

Q: What is the name of a Jedi, with one arm?
A: A Hand Solo.

I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet,
I don’t know why.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible; it’s terrible.

Velcro is superior to laces, as far as shoe technology goes.
That’s right: I’m lacist.

I’m going to start a really fast delivery service, for cocaine.
I’m calling it ‘Instagram’.

[Jeff on Aurora]

A musician's joke:

"Q: What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? A: Homeless!"

[GordMay]

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician."
She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: Why do bagpipers walk, when they’re playing?
A: To get away from that awful sound.

Now, back on topic:

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in, before it sucks.

Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.

Q: How do you reduce wind-drag, on a drummer's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign, off the roof.

Q: What do you do, if you see a bleeding drummer, running around, in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing, and shoot again.

Q: What do philosophers and drummers have in common?
A: Both think of time as an abstract concept.

Q: Why is an orgasm like a drum solo?
A: Because you can tell it's coming, but there's no way to stop it.