The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[senormechanico]

I thought it was just me. SMH

[chrisr]

i think it is time that normal service was resumed.



It is a hot summer day. An Englishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman all walk into a pub and ask for a pint each.

The barman places 3 beers with nice heads of foam on the bar.

Just then, three flies come into the pub through the open window. Each fly lands on the head of each of the three beers, getting trapped in the foam.

The Englishman picks up his beer and examines the the fly caught in the head. He places his mug back down on the bar. “Barman!”, he says. “There is a fly in my beer. Please dump this one and give me a new pint in a clean mug.”

The Welshman picks up his beer and examines the fly caught in the head. With his other hand he deftly flicks the fly away with a snap of his fingers. He then proceeds to drink the delicious beer.

The Scotsman picks up his beer and examines the fly caught in the head. He then very carefully picks up the fly by its wings and starts shaking it vigorously over his beer while yelling “Spit it oot ye wee bastard!”


cheers,

[berniecurry]

Originally Posted by GordMay

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment.
If a woman talks dirty to a man …
… that’s $7 a minute.

Well, nobody's laughing now.

Misogyny is offensive in the 21st century unless you play golf at a Palm Beach sea to lake club or are caught in a 1950 gin joint time warp.

[Uncle Bob]

Originally Posted by berniecurry

Misogyny is offensive in the 21st century unless you play golf at a Palm Beach sea to lake club or are caught in a 1950 gin joint time warp.

One would assume that you may have something humorous to offer here in the JOKE thread?? rather than critiquing the offerings of others. One is permitted to enjoy an attempt or just skip it if it is not to your taste.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by berniecurry

Misogyny is offensive in the 21st century ...

If I had a dollar, for every misogynistic joke I made ...
I'd only have 77 cents.

[GordMay]

Did you know, that every planet, in our solar system, is named after a god?
Except Earth...which is named after all that stuff, on the ground.

Q: What do you call a TV show, discussing renewable energy?
A: A Solar Panel.

Q: What keeps the sun held overhead, up in the sky?
A: Sunbeams.

Q: What can we deduce, from the fact, that Earth is the third planet, from the Sun?
A: All earthly problems, are third world problems.

Q: What does nitrogen become, when the sun comes up?
A: Daytrogen.

Q: What type of eclipse would it be, if the sun would move in front of the moon?
A: An apocaclipse.

Q: What do: “Sunday: Greg, Monday: Ian, Tuesday: Greg, Wednesday: Ian, Thursday: Greg, Friday: Ian, Saturday: Greg” represent?
A: The Gregorian calendar.

Q: Why did Sin and Cos want to stay out in the sun, for a bit longer?
A: They wanted to become tanned gents.

Q: What will reading sun jokes, under the sun, make you?
A: Well, red.

[GordMay]

I was thinking of starting a new liquor brand, and getting free advertising, from all the other major labels
I'm going to call it "responsibly".

I saw where they pulled all the Steve Irwin sunscreen off the market, for false advertising.
It didn't protect against harmful rays.

[senormechanico]

"Hello? Debbie? Yeah, Debbie's here, Who's this? Well, Ralph, uh, Debbie can't talk right now..........I'll have her call you back when I'm through."

"I love wrong numbers!"

[GordMay]

I really like Florida.
Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.

Fall is really the most beautiful time, in Florida.
All the license plates start changing colours.

A New Yorker, a Nebraskan, a Georgian, and a Floridian were driving to Vegas.
After a few hours in the car, the Nebraskan suddenly rolls down his window, opens his bag, and starts chucking corn out the window.
"What are you doing that for?", the others exclaim.
"Back in Nebraska, everywhere I look I see corn. I'm going on vacation, and I don't want to see any corn for a couple weeks."
The Georgian replies, "you know what? You're right; I'm sick of seeing peaches all over Georgia. I don't know why I brought them with me." He opens his window, and dumps his bag of peaches out.
The Floridian, feeling inspired, opens the door, and kicks the New Yorker out.

It's a good thing ‘Gatorade’ was developed at the University of Florida, as opposed to Florida State.
‘Seminole Fluid’ just doesn't sound quite as good.

I read that, Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, is reviewing the future of Formula One racing, in Miami.
Apparently, the Drag Reduction System is not, what he thought it was.

[GordMay]

Q: What is NASA's new slogan going to be, once their budget is cut?
A: "NASA: The Sky's The Limit"

[GordMay]

Good News! I've just become the world record holder leap frog champion,
On the downside, I'm now banned from ever entering any mosque.

Speaking of news:

Studies show that more Americans watch television...
than any other household appliance.

The Evening News is where they begin with ‘Good evening’...
And then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

[TPG]

Pizza is a lot like sex...when it's good, it's really good. When it's bad...hey, it's still pretty good.

[GordMay]

Another quiz, inspired by ➥ https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ml#post3846500

Q: What kind of tea is easiest to make?
A: A simplicitea.

Q: What kind of tea is most calming?
A: A serenitea.

Q: And what kind of tea is most bitter?
A: A realitea.

Q: What do you call a cup of tea, while your reading?
A: A noveltea.

Q: What's every man’s favourite type of tea?
A: Tea Tea's

Q: Why do British people put milk in their tea?
A: It's not clear.

Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite tea?
A: Gravitea.

Q: What do you call thunder and lightning, in a tea cup?
A: A storm brewing.

Q: What's a civil engineer's favourite type of tea?
A: Structural integritea.

Q: What do you call a tea without mass?
A: Emptea.

Q: What tea is the best tea?
A: TNTea. Seriously, it's the bomb.

Q: What does a hot tea call his brothers and sisters?
A: Siplings.

[GordMay]

A girl promised to have sex with me, if I would advertise her bathroom cleaner, on the CruisersForum.
I refused, of course, because my moral principles are extremely strong.

Just as strong as new “CiF”, a multi-action cleaner, in the 750ml spray bottle, now available in Original, Lemon Fresh or Forest Pine - just $4.99!

[GordMay]

My boat has no self-confidence.
It's been self-depreciating, since the moment I bought it.