The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston Churchill, according to Ron DeSantis

The quoted words, in this tweet, do not appear, in this phrasing, in any of Winston Churchill's books, articles, speeches and papers, although they have been frequently misattributed to him.
They do, however, appear in a Budweiser print ad, from 1938.

[GordMay]

I keep seeing the quote on womens’ profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."
Jokes on them, I've been turning women off, for years, without a remote.

Does anyone know the quote”: “One mans trash, is another man's treasure”?
Its a great quote, but, a terrible way to find out, you’re adopted.


Ruin a quote, by attributing it to the wrong person:
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." ~ Adolf Hitler, 1945, or Ludwig Jacobowski, 1899.

[GordMay]

O'Sullivan beats Trump!
BBC (Jan 21/24) ➥ https://www.bbc.com/sport/snooker/68049760

[GordMay]

I had a great conversation, with a dolphin, the other day.
We just... I don't know. We just clicked.

[GordMay]

Q: What does a shark call a jet-skier?
A: Fast food.

Q: What does a shark call a surfboard?
A: A serving platter.

Q: What do you call a hammerhead shark, who's operating a drill rig?
A: A flathead screw driver.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

Another Quiz:

Q: Which knight invented King Arthur's Round Table?
A: Sir Cumference.

Q: What does a baby computer call its father?
A: Data.

Q: What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy?
A: Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted.

Q: What do you call a factory, that sells generally decent goods?
A: A satisfactory.

Q: What's the difference, between an alligator, and a crocodile?
A: One you'll see later, the other, you'll see in a while.

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
A: With an itheberg.

Q: What's big, gray and doesn't matter?
A: An irrelephant.

Q: What do you call someone, who points out the obvious?
A: Someone, who points out the obvious.

Q: What do you get, when you combine a rhetorical question, and a joke?


.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

So true:

[GordMay]

Cheap Sex:

A couple, both age 77, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the man replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $150.
The Hilton charges $208.

We do it here for $50... and I get $43 back, from Medicare."

[GordMay]

I got in touch with my inner self today.
I'm never using cheap toilet paper again.