The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[SmirkSage]

Ahoy, sea dogs and anchor-droppers! Just sailed into port and thought I’d share a couple of knots of humor to keep the spirits buoyant. ��

Why do sailors make terrible musicians? Because they can only play in "C"!

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's "R", but his true love be the "C".

Hope these bring a bit of sunshine to your deck. Keep navigating the high seas of humor, mates, and let's keep the good times and tailwinds coming!

[GordMay]

Lets face it: English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant. No ham in the hamburger. And neither pine, nor apple, in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy, of a language, where a house can burn up, as it burns down.
And, in which, you fill in a form, by filling it out.

If we examine its paradoxes, we find that:
*Quicksand takes you down, slowly.
* Boxing rings are square.
* We park on driveways, and drive on parkways.
* The weather can be as hot as hell, on one day; and as cold as hell, on another.
* When the stars are out, they are visible; but, when the lights are out, they are invisible.
* When I wind up my watch, it starts; but, when I wind up this rant, it ends.
* Does anyone else notice, the irony behind “hyphenated”, and “non-hyphenated”?
* There is no greater irony, than dying, in a living room.

[GordMay]

Q: What is an example of a Facebook paradox?
A: Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb, and having to decide, between reporting him to the FBI, or serving him ads, for digital timers.

Q: How can you tell the difference, between Japanese people, and other Asian people?
A: Use a Geiger counter.

Q: What do you call an orphan, taking a selfie?
A: A family photo.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the light bulb, itself, symbolizes a single incandescent beacon, of subjective reality, in a netherworld, of endless absurdity, reaching out, toward a maudlin cosmos, of nothingness.

[MicHughV]

The English language paradox....

"ough"......pronounce that...."owe"
put a d in front of it....dough.......pronounce that....."oh"
put a c in front of that....cough.......pronounce that......"off"
put a t in front of that....tough........pronounce that......."uff"

English has rightfully earned it's spot as a difficult language to learn..

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

The English language paradox....

"ough"......pronounce that...."owe"
put a d in front of it....dough.......pronounce that....."oh"
put a c in front of that....cough.......pronounce that......"off"
put a t in front of that....tough........pronounce that......."uff"

English has rightfully earned it's spot as a difficult language to learn..

Indeed, English is weird, where: noses run, and feet smell.
It can be understood, though, through tough, thorough thought.

Some Common English Mistakes:
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people, and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals

[GordMay]

English food, and English women:
And, thus, a great nation of sailors, was born.

They say, English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" were blacksmiths, and "Taylors" were tailors.
So, what, on Earth, did the Dickinsons do?

On the other hand, I think it's pretty cool, how the Chinese made a language...
entirely out of tattoos.

I have, very nearly, signed up for Danish language classes.
I just need to dot the A's, and cross the O's.

Q: How many phrases, in English, are palindromes?
A: Not a ton.

[MicHughV]

The classic English word, Worcestershire Sauce.....pronounced " wooster sauce" by the Brits, exemplifies the English attitude " much to do about nothing"
Gotta luv 'em though !!!

[JPA Cate]

English language perplexities, exacerbated:

Through the thundering staugham
Came Somerset Maugham,
Riding his brougham
From wougham to tougham.


[Last line sounds like, from womb to tomb.]

[carstenb]

Well, i’ve just drunk from the well and feel quite well

[MicHughV]

I just read that book and now my eyes are red...

In the distance I sight the site where I plan to build my home...

use the letters " und" in the beginning and end of a word, but pronounce them differently..... underground

Ahhh.....the Brits...

[Jon Hacking]

In the Sahara I found sand witches selling sandwiches on the sand which is there.

[SeanPatrick]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-wK-RLlWKA

[MicHughV]

couldn't sum it up better than that !!!

[GordMay]

The longest English word [and longest word in the world] is this* word, a chemical name for a protein, that is 189,819 letters long, and takes two to three hours, to pronounce.
Describing the protein, titin, important in the contraction, of striated muscle tissues.
* ➥ https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appen...rds/Titin#Noun

At 29 letters, "floccinaucinihilipilification" has earned the unofficial title of the longest, non-technical word, in the English language. Don't let its length fool you. It simply means: “The act or habit of describing or regarding something as unimportant, of having no value, or being worthless.”
It, pretty much, defines itself.
flaa·suh·now·suh·nai·uh·luh·pi·luh·fuh·kay·shn
➥ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/pro...lipilification

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by GordMay

The longest English word [and longest word in the world] is this* word ...

FWIW: I couldn't find any example, of the word, used in a sentence, not [merely] citing it as the longest.
It may, merely, be a floccinaucinihilipilification.