The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?”
‟Grounds? We have a couple of acres outside the town, but it does have a big lawn, and some fruit trees, so it's not like empty ground."
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”
‟Yes, we have a 2 car garage, but only one car, so we use the rest for storage. Why?"
The lawyer losing his patience, says, "Does he beat you up?”
‟No, I'm up by 6:30. He does not get up until after I leave for work.”
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”
‟We just can't seem to communicate.”

[GordMay]

Q: What’s it called, when a chameleon can’t change its colors, anymore?
A: A reptile dysfunction.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one.
But, it takes a shtiload of lightbulbs.

Q: How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't, they arrest the bulb, for being broke, and beat the room, for being black.

Q: With Twitter being re-branded, to “X”, what do we call tweets, after the change?
A: Excretions.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1708470176

I know, not sailing related but I got a laugh.

[GordMay]

I recently learned the meaning of threesome.
It's when three people have sex together. And, a foursome is the same, but with four people.
Now, I know, why my teacher always called me a handsome guy.

[GordMay]

My wife says: I get mean, when I drink whiskey. Now, I drink Canadian whiskey.
I am still mean, bu nowt, I am sorry, too.

My wife is fed up, with me constantly posting jokes here, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!"
She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!"
I chuckled...
"No it doesn't!"

[JoeRobertJr]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I recently learned the meaning of threesome.
It's when three people have sex together. And, a foursome is the same, but with four people.
Now, I know, why my teacher always called me a handsome guy.

I arranged a threesome recently. Of course, there were two no-shows, but we still had fun.

[Blackie Swart]

The only time I ever came first in something was in the threesome.

[GordMay]

Contrary to popular belief, children are not a natural occurrence.
It turns out, they are man-made.

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple, on the tree, that got us banished from Paradise.
It was the pair, on the ground.

Contrary to popular belief, Americans actually use their feet, more than any other country, in the world.
Everyone else, prefers the metre.

Contrary to popular belief, there was more sex, on the TV, in the 1950s and ‘60s, than there is now.
That’s because, modern TVs can't support the weight.

[GordMay]

No means no!
Unless she's dyslexic.
Then, it's on.

Christmas must be a terrible time of year, for dyslexics.
Satan's little helpers are everywhere.

[Montanan]

[Montanan]

[GordMay]

When lightning strikes...
It refuses to work, as a form of protest, against inadequate compensation.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance; then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

You know, a lightning bolt can make all the difference.
One, and you're a wizard; but, two makes you a racist.

Q: Why do we always see lightning, before we hear the thunder noise?
A: Our eyes are at the front of our head.

With apologies:

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse, when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up, in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes, on Earth, to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone, on this plane, who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman, in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair, and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily, in anticipation, as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm, holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Here, iron this."

They say, men get hit by lightning, 6x more often, than women.
The kitchen must be a very safe place.

[GordMay]

Electricity is a great thing ...
Without it , we'd be watching television, by candlelight.

Before the invention of electricity ...
Judges sentenced killers, to death, by the acoustic chair.

Without electricity ...
I can't help but feel powerless.

[jeanathon]

What did we call electric eels before electricity was invented?

[GordMay]

I was browsing, in a bookstore ,and found an English book, about unexpected uses, for a pry bar.
It was titled: “50 Ways to Love Your Lever”.

The expiry date, printed on food products, always ruins the surprise.
There should be a spoiler alert.

A lot of things can be unexpected, in life. For example...
you thought, I would be giving an example.