The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

Distracted drivers.

[GordMay]

Q: How many Cruisers does it take, to change a lightbulb?
A: You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change, just because the room is too dark, for you, to see anything, so it “must” be changed; but, I don't care.
It's beautiful - you should respect its right to be burnt out, and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms.
Check your filament privileges, you ableist scum.
Anyone who disagrees with this, is a burnt-out-bulbophobe, and a darknessphobe.
Thanks for being so understanding.

[GordMay]

Today, I taught my grandson a lesson, by eating his homework.
Tomorrow, he will learn, that most people do not believe you, even if you tell the truth.

I’m holding a fundraiser, on Friday, for people who have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you can’t come, let me know.

Hello Cruisers. We have started a fundraiser for abused children. If only we can raise 500 dollars ...
We can buy their silence.

[GordMay]

I went down to the dock, and I saw a boat, with a for sale sign, out front.
And, I thought to myself: "Duh, what else would you use it for?"

[GordMay]

So, do you ever wonder, which is worse: going through labour, or getting kicked in the nuts?
No one will ever know, because no one can experience both. It’s one of life's great unanswerable questions.

[GordMay]

There is a pier, with two docks. A passenger boat ties up, between them.
Q: Which dock do the passengers disembark onto?
A: Well, that's the thing, - it's a paradox.

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by GordMay

So, do you ever wonder, which is worse: going through labour, or getting kicked in the nuts?
No one will ever know, because no one can experience both. It’s one of life's great unanswerable questions.

That's easy.

After getting kicked in the nuts, I've never heard a guy say "I think I'd like another..."

[Montanan]

I’m on a whiskey diet.

I’ve lost three days already.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by CaptTom

That's easy.
After getting kicked in the nuts, I've never heard a guy say "I think I'd like another..."

Did you know, that scientists have discovered, that there is a small moment, during childbirth, at its most painful time, that a woman almost knows, how bad it feels ...
to be a man, with a cold?

My wife was pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present, at a childbirth, before.
I replied: "Yes just once."
The doctor asked: "What was it like?"
I said: "It was dark, then suddenly very bright. Maybe, I was too young to remember; but, I don't recall, that it hurt, so much."

My friend once told me, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!"
I replied, " Yeah well, they were separated at birth"

Whoever coined the term ‘delivery’, for childbirth, made a big mistake.
It should have been called takeout, instead.

[GordMay]

Q: How warm is a baby, at birth?
A: Womb temperature.

Q: If the stork is the bird of birth, what's the bird of birth control?
A: A swallow.

Q: What's the best form of birth control, after 50?
A: Nudity

Q: Why did the lizard never have any offspring?
A: Because, it had an ereptile dysfunction.


Questions, I cannot answer:

Q: If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God. Did Mary have a little lamb?

Q: After a cow gives birth, is she, then, decalfenated?

[GordMay]

Sir Isaac Newton was completely WRONG, about apples.
They don't fall to the ground, because of gravity.
It's natural selection.
Trees, that produce apples, that fall upwards, don't have offspring.

A Boob, a Vagina, and an A-hole are debating, as to who is the greatest of them all.
Boob: I give milk to new born babies, and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.
Vagina: I give birth to babies, and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.
Now, it’s your turn to speak.

[jen1722terry]

What kind of dresses do girl frogs wear?

Jumpers

When are frogs born?

Leap year

A frog goes into a bar. What does it order?

Hop scotch.

Why do frogs lie?

They're amfibians.

A frog learned that his distant ancestor was born in Warsaw.

He was a tad Pole.

Are all frogs cannibals?

No, only the French ones.


Cheers

[GordMay]

Another test:

Q1: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator ?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in complicated way.

Q2: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator ?
Wrong Answer !
Correct Answer: Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and then close the door.

This tested your ability to think about repercussions of your previous actions.

Q3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals are attending, except one. Which animal did not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is still in the fridge. Don't you remember, that you just put him in there ?

This tested your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance, to show your true abilities.

Q4: There is a river that you must cross, but it is used by big crocodiles. You do not have a boat. What do you do?
Correct Answer: You just jump in river and swim across.
Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Lion King’s Animal Meeting.

[GordMay]

‘404' jokes...
I just can't find the humour in them.

Error 404 and 403 went to vote.
404 voted for Trump, 403 for-Bidden.

2020 Divided by 5, is 404, so, the whole year was an error, or maybe an error message, from the matrix.

I hate spelling errors.
You mix up two letters, and your whole post is urined.

My buddy makes so many spelling errors, so often, it's in his blood.
He's a typo.

If you’re genetically predisposed to spelling and grammar errors, does that mean you’re…
…typo positive?

Q: What do you call someone, who makes a spelling error, AFTER editing their comment?
A: An Ediot!

FWIW: The word “queue”, doesn’t have 4 silent letters.
They are just waiting their turn.

[GordMay]

In ancient Japan, failures would commit ritual suicide, to restore their honour.
In modern North America, they tell jokes, on the CruisersForum.