The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

I ate a kid's meal, at McDonald's, today.
His parents were really pissed.

I sexually identify, as a microwave meal.
I am done in <3 minutes, and look nothing like my pictures.

Q: What do you call an irrelevant & illogical joke, about Indian food?
A: A naan sequitur.

[jeanathon]

How can you spot a happy motorcyclist? Bug in his teeth.

[JPA Cate]

Free protein, just for being in the right place.

[Be Free]

As a motorcyclist I can verify that they get to discover things that others do not. For instance: yellow butterflies are sweet.

[carstenb]

When I was in my 30's and dating, I had some unusual experiences. Several times I would meet and date a sweet woman and since they were also in their 30's and the biological clock was ticking loudly, after a number of dates they would casually (they thought) bring up the subject of children. The conversation usually went someting like this:

her: Do you like children?
me: Oh yes, preferably grilled, but broiled and fried are also good.

Strangely, they stopped dating me.

I was never able to find out why.

Was it something I said?

[GordMay]

carstenb’s date eventually married, and had 13 children.
Her husband died.
She married again, and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried, and this time had 5 more children.

She finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman, and said: ' Lord, they're finally together.'

One mourner leaned over, and quietly asked her friend:' Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband? '

The friend replied: ' I think he means her legs.'

[tbodine88]

Originally Posted by SailRN

Attachment 249428

I saw this on a Plumbers truck in Oahu.


Didn't seem to match my idea of the Aloha spirit

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by tbodine88

I saw this on a Plumbers truck in Oahu.


Didn't seem to match my idea of the Aloha spirit

I printed it out and hung it on the wall in my shop. I guess I don't have that Aloha spirit, either

[GordMay]

Bread is like the sun.
It rises in the yeast ,and sets in the waist.

Boobs are also like the sun.
Taking a quick look is fine, but staring is not.
Then again, that's what sunglasses are for.

Q: What do you get, when a topless blonde, rubs sun tanning oil, on a topless brunette?
A: Your camera.

Q: Why does the Sun have sunspots?
A: Because, it caught a Corona virus.

[GordMay]

Bad news:
It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.
I was also disappointed, by BBC news.

I got some bad news, today.
I found out, that cock fighting, is done with roosters.
Six months of training wasted.

I read, in the news, today, that there is a necrophiliac, on the loose
Look alive, folks!

I asked my daughter, to bring me the newspaper.
She said I'm too old fashioned, and brought me her iPhone.
Not getting too much into details: the fly is now dead, the iPhone is broken, and my daughter is crying.

[carstenb]

learning how to tie a bowline

[Wotname]

-------

[OutOfControl]

[OutOfControl]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads...

[GordMay]

While walking downtown, I heard a gentleman bellow, from behind me: "Ho Ho Ho!"
I thought it might be Santa Claus; but I turned around, and it was just a pimp, taking inventory.