The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[carstenb]

One in four - indeed

[GordMay]

Q: What do you call a pile of coins, out in the rain?
A: Climate change.

Q: What’s the difference between weather and climate?
A: You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.

Q: Why do you have to act quickly, during a tsunami?
A: Because, it’s an emergent sea.

[MicHughV]

As a youngster, my dad told me the first joke I ever heard him say.
He asked me " what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?"
I responded " I don't know...."

"you can roast beef" he said " put you can't pee soup"......

He thought this was hilarious, but I thought it was quite lame..

[CaptTom]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

...He thought this was hilarious, but I thought it was quite lame..

Hence the term "Dad joke." My elderly neighbor had a bunch of these when I first bought my house. I have to admit to having repeated most of them. One of his favorites:

The father mole stuck his head out of the hole first thing in the morning. The farmers in the house were cooking breakfast. He said "I smell bacon!" The mother mole popped her head out. "I smell eggs!" Big brother mole stuck his head out next. "I smell syrup!". Little brother mole, trying to get to the hole entrance, said "all I can smell is mole-asses!"

A strong contender for first prize "Dad joke."

[GordMay]

Don’t you hate it, when people ask you a question, just so they can answer it themselves?
Because, I do.

Speaking of ‘dumb questions’ < https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ml#post3911635 >;

How much “No More Tears” shampoo, do you have to rub in a baby's eyes, before it stops crying?

Is it customary to leave a tip, after getting circumcised?

If you masturbate, after smoking marijuana, is it high-jacking, or weed-whacking?

Q: What is the first question, on the Canadian Citizenship Exam?
A: Who’s sorry now?

I asked my wife the age old question.
Is the cup half full, or half empty?
She replied:
"Stop wearing my f#*k’g bra!"

If you're questioning your sexuality ...
You probably aren't thinking straight.

[GordMay]

Astronomers detected radio signals, from the same source, 1.5 billion light years [8.8 trillion miles] away.
And I can't get a WiFi connection, on my boat.

I feel like the world really missed an opportunity, by calling people that study the sky, astronomers.
They could’ve called them skyentists.

Q: What's the difference between Astrology, and Astronomy?
A: About 50 IQ points.

Q: How can you tell a developer, from an astronomer?
A: You ask them what does JWT stands for

Q: What do you get, when astronomers play tic-tac-toe?
A: Exoplanets.

[OutOfControl]

A sardonic senior might say. . .

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on garbage day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”

As I’ve got older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven't done anything today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scales in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumb-ass.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

[Mirage35]

Originally Posted by OutOfControl

<snip>

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

</snip>

Have you been watching me at sailing club meetings?

[Montanan]

If pigs could fly, imagine how good their wings would taste.

[Montanan]

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

[Montanan]

Me:

I never know what to talk about during a date.

Friend:

Have you tried discussing global warming?
It is a real icebreaker.

[senormechanico]

Did I ever tell you I got fired from the Suicide Hotline?
For the on-hold music, I selected Van Halen’s “Jump”.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1719798149

[jeanathon]

Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food..

[JPA Cate]

Aw, we eat snails, too. We call them "abalone." Yum.