The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Montanan]

Be thankful that it is not snowing.

Imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

[GordMay]

I got myself a new “seniors” GPS.
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it also tells me why I wanted to go there.

I really love my new GPS.
Because now, I have two women, telling me how to drive.

The only problem it has, is looking up specific coordinates.
It has a bad latitude.

[GordMay]

New [Canadian] Restricted Radio Operator's license exam questions:

Q: Can radio be an addiction?
A: It depends on the frequency.

Q: What do you call an average radio?
A: Stereo typical.

Q: What do you call portable, two-way radio transceivers, that hate racism, and like to smoke pot?
A: Wokey-Tokies.

[MicHughV]

I spent some time in Africa, and often came across some locals, who wanted to know who is the little man the lives inside a radio that talks so much ??

I had no ready response for that question...

[GordMay]

Some cetacean trivia, and a quiz:

TIL: It's illegal to hunt whales, in Arizona.

Sperm whales:
Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

What's with the sudden influx of Killer Whale attacks, on boats?
It seems Orcastrated.

I had a great conversation with a dolphin. the other day.
We just... I don't know. We just clicked.


Q: How do you make a whale float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.

Q: What does it take to circumcise a whale?
A: Four skin divers.

Q: What do you call a pod of singing killer whales?
A: An orcapella group.

Q: What do you call a sad whale, with erectile dysfunction?
A: Mopey Dick.

Q: Where did the whale go, when it was bankrupt?
A: To the loan shark.

Q: What do you call a dolphin, in the woods?
A: Dead.

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1720675916

[GordMay]

Further to ➥ https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...ml#post3916261

"Thermodynamics is a funny subject.
The first time you go through it, you don't understand it at all.
The second time you go through it, you think you understand it, except for one or two small points.
The third time you go through it, you know you don't understand it, but by that time you are so used to it, it doesn't bother you any more."
~ by Arnold Sommerfield, who was nominated for the Nobel Prize 84 times, more than any other physicist (including Otto Stern, who got nominated 82 times), but he never received the award.

Three Laws of Thermodynamics (paraphrased):
First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
Second Law: The most you can accomplish by work is to break even.
Third Law: You can't break even.

The Fourth Law: Watt's Pots Never Boyle.
The Fifth Law: Things Get Worse Under Pressure.

Ginsberg's Theorem [a modern statement of the three laws of thermodynamics]:
1. You can't win.
2. You can't even break even.
3. You can't get out of the game.
4. THE LAW OF ENTROPY:
The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.

THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS, for Sanitation Engineers:
There is ****.
1st: You can't get rid of it.
2nd: It gets deeper.
3rd: A nice, empty trashcan is wishful thinking.
KEEP SHOVELING!!

[GordMay]

Some say, ‘there are no stupid questions’; but, these [and their answers] come close:

Q: What do you get when you cross a grocery store and a scientist?
A: Market research.

Q: If an optimist sees the glass half full, and a pessimist sees the glass half empty, how does the chemist see it?
A: Completely full - half with liquid, and half with air.

Q: Why is it so hard to drive in a screw?
A: Because, it doesn't have a steering wheel.

Q: What month of the year has 28 days?
A: All of them.

Q: What causes dry skin?
A: A towel.

Q: Which word, is most commonly pronounced wrong?
A: Wrong.

Q: How much do roofs cost?
A: Nothing. They're on the house.

Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary.

Q: What's stranger than seeing a catfish?
A: Watching a fish bowl.

Q: What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble.

Q: Why do ambassadors never get sick?
A: Diplomatic immunity.

Q: What do you call a joke, without a punchline?
A: Silence.

[GordMay]

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, has died.

“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”

Susie stops crying, and asks: “What would God want with a dead dog?”

[GordMay]

Q: What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?
A: One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but, I'm afraid so!

[GordMay]

Two wires were on an ocean cruise, when the ship sprung a leak, and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat, and head to safety.
The other was stranded.

[Iron E]

Originally Posted by carstenb

learning how to tie a bowline

Love it!

[GordMay]

Never ever combine bleach and vinegar.
It is an oxidant, waiting to happen.

Never trust people who sketch facial composites, for police reports.
They're con artists.

Remember to never trust anyone, who promises you change.
Unless, it's a cashier.

[GordMay]

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding
I've been to Amsterdam.
There are signs, pointing to her house, everywhere.

[GordMay]

Academic phrases and their translations: a guide to effective academic communication

* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference
* It is believed = I think
* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too
* It is not unreasonable to assume = If you believe this, you'll believe anything
* Of great theoretical importance= I find it kind of interesting
* Of great practical importance =I can get some mileage out of it
* Typical results are shown = The best results are shown
* 3 samples were chosen for = The others didn't make sense, so in further study we ignored them
* The 4 hour sample was not studied =I dropped it on the floor
* It has not been possible to provide definitive answers = The experiment was negative but at least I can publish the data
* Correct within an order of magnitude = Wrong
* It might be argued that = I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it
* Much additional work will be required = This paper is not very good, but neither are all the others in this miserable field
* These investigations proved highly rewarding = My grant is going to be renewed
* I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussions
on the interpretation of the data = X did the experiment and Y explained it to me