The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

Q: With Twitter being re-branded to “X”; what do we now call tweets, after the change?
A: Excretions.

[GordMay]

A poem:
A fisher was fishing for bass
The water came up to his knee.

Strange; it rhymed, earlier this morning, when there was a high tide.

[Mirage35]

Another version:

There was a young lady from Boston, Mass
Who stood in the water up to her ankles

If you think it doesn't rhyme, wait until the tide comes in.

[GordMay]

I was at a nudist resort, and I saw a man walking by, wearing nothing, but his glasses.
And I wondered: "What does he do, when his glasses get dirty?"

[Tupaia]

A male nudist is walking through the jungle when he meets face to face with an elephant. After looking each other up and down the elephant says "how the hell do you feed yourself with that".

[OldGreyB]

Originally Posted by ChrisJHC

Except that you should answer questions like “How far is X” with a time not a distance!
E.g. “How far is that island?” “About 2 hours”.

In North Queensland bush areas of Australia during the eighties before GPS, the answer to "how far is X" was measured in drunk subbie cans of beer at the bush standard drinking rate ( finish one, start another)

So typically the answer was "a slab" if a long way in one direction or if it involved turns then " two, then take the right turn, three, then take the left, five more and you are there "

[Tupaia]

This one liner by Mark Simmons just won the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival


"I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it".

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Tupaia

This one liner by Mark Simmons just won the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
"I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it".

Here are some previous winners:

2023: Lorna Rose Treen
"I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

2022: Masai Graham
"I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta."

2019: Olaf Falafel
"I keep randomly shouting out 'broccoli' and 'cauliflower' - I think I might have florets."

2018: Alan Rowe
"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

2017: Ken Cheng
"I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."

2016: Masai Graham
"My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he is a man after my own heart"

2015: Darren Walsh
"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free."

2014: Tim Vine
"I decided to sell my Hoover... well it was just collecting dust."

2013: Rob Auton
"I heard a rumour Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

2012: Stewart Francis
"You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

2011: Nick Helm
"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

[CaptTom]

Is it just me, or are almost none of those "funniest" jokes actually, you know, funny?

Or am I totally missing the punch line? Is the "contest" actually sarcastic, as in they pick the worst puns?

I know, humor is highly individual. No disrespect intended. Just curious if I'm missing something.

[JPA Cate]

Possibly enjoying puns is something taught in one's family of origin. That's how it was for me. Of the ones above, there was one I didn't get--my bad. There's a difference between not getting it and just not liking them. If you don't like them, it may be because they sort of "mess up" language, which is the word play that punners enjoy. I really like the long, drawn out shaggy dog story type with triple puns for the punch line. Ymmv.
Ann

[jeanathon]

Puns are meant to pun-ish!

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by CaptTom

Is it just me, or are almost none of those "funniest" jokes actually, you know, funny?

Or am I totally missing the punch line? Is the "contest" actually sarcastic, as in they pick the worst puns?

I know, humor is highly individual. No disrespect intended. Just curious if I'm missing something.

A lot can depend on the delivery.

[Montanan]

A wonder to watch.

[MicHughV]

looks like the one on the left is winning

[GordMay]

Prior to our marriage, Maggie and I used to visit a local waterfront park, nightly, to watch "the submarine races”.

NOT these ➥ https://internationalsubmarineraces.org/

BTW: It’s a shame that the Beatles didn’t make the submarine, in that song, green.
That would’ve been sublime.